seventhe: (chocobo: hey bb)
[personal profile] seventhe
i've been doing research for a while but ever since this idea grabbed me last weekend i've been doing RESEARCH, and i mean research not like once i did research for a paper, but research both as "someone who once for many years worked in the research field and whose livelihood depended on researching and finding things and drawing them together" and "wow something i am interested in that isn't being hit in the head by a pipe wrench". this is a new obsession - probably because it's a novelty, so there's a chance it won't last - but at least i am diving in with a bit of (if limited by my own shitfaced depressive reality) enthusiasm.

i realize this really isn't the approach anyone wants -- approaching a religion, or spirituality, should be taken seriously; yet I'm finding that I'm That Guy who's gonna walk into a church and be all like, "so I'm gonna take a couple weeks and kinda fuck around with Jesus, dat cool?" I hope I mean no disrespect but I automatically know I am disrespectful as fuck - look, I was born a Dragomire, and we are utterly irreverent shits; we are the team that would push the red button just because we were told not to. So I am trying to approach this in a sense of -- healthy fun, maybe?; I want to give it its due, but I also need to have some dialogue before we jump in the sack, right?

anyway the way this entry is going is that to say, i've actually found some good words in this search to describe what Marzy was in my life and why this particular hole is so fuckin painful, upsetting, uprooted - if i view my life through this particular lens, it's pretty obvious what Marzy was, and even in a scientific / electromagnetic sense, it makes perfect sense.

Marzy was my grounding line. He was my grounding ritual; he was my neutral to ground; he was the thing which, after a long day of static and bullshit and awful, i could take and touch and hold and feel, and he would take all of the negativity and all of the buildup and just wash it away, down into the ground, until all that was left was belly and purr and sweet, sweet neutrality.

Marzy was my ground point and no wonder with him gone I've felt imbalanced and unstable.


fuck man. i was saying it was silly to be so upset about a cat, but in this context - where he was part of a physical ritual bringing me back to myself - i've lost my goddamn grounding wire, i think i have an excuse for building up a fuckin charge over here.

Date: 2017-04-14 04:28 pm (UTC)
novel_machinist: (Default)
From: [personal profile] novel_machinist
It's NEVER silly to be upset about a pet. I only half-joke that Vader's my familiar and I was literally physically ill after losing Elena. Pets are family and something even more than that. It's a very pure relationship that can't be replaced by anything else. So no, it's not silly and I totally understand <3

Date: 2017-04-17 07:50 pm (UTC)
crankyoldman: Quote from Paradise Lost [Final Fantasy IV] (cecil hardway)
From: [personal profile] crankyoldman
I've been following along on this whole thing passively; and it sucks and I hope you can find new ways to ground. Grief is terrible.

Date: 2017-04-18 03:23 am (UTC)
lassarina: I'm not coming out until the stupid people have gone away.  ....I can wait all day. (Default)
From: [personal profile] lassarina
No, it makes perfect sense that that would be the case. ♥

Most Popular Tags

Page generated Jul. 21st, 2017 06:47 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags