seventhe: (Cock: GIANT COCKFISTING)
/opens

/stares blankly

/tries to think of something to write that isn't "I'm tired"




/admits defeat
seventhe: (Rosa: pray)
I thought I was having a good night -- I left work only an hour late, got home, went for a swim, ate dinner, and did an hour's-worth of cleaning up in my bedroom; the floor's clear of traveling suitcases & clothes & shit. That's good.

Then 20 mins ago I just started crying, and there aren't any reasons for it that aren't imaginary.

It's also hotter than fuck and I'm so uncomfortable in my bed. And I'm still crying.


I even had a reasonable day at work. I got two list-things done - one off yesterday's list, one off today's - and a lot of non-list things done. And I left at 5:30 which is only an hour late.

I don't even know, I don't even know.

Might sleep on the couch. It's just fucking gross up here.


Edit-- then I went downstairs to set up on the couch and I went to steal the pillow & blanket I usually use in the hammock off of Gramma's couch and I just - I looked at Gramma's couch and remembered her house is sold, their house is sold. Grandpa's been gone for 10 years and Gramma's never coming home again.

It's just so fucking stupid. So fucking dumb. What is crying going to help? It isn't efficient. It's an irrelevant process.

The thing I hate most about (my) depression is this sudden shit. I can feel like a productive bitch mode amazon all day but then suddenly there's just a storm of tears.
seventhe: (Rydia: sparkle)
Instead of talking about anything important, I want to talk about the fact that I painted my nails on Sunday afternoon and they are still intact. I'm not sure you understand how often I use my hands and nails - any time I paint my fingers I'm lucky to have it last a couple hours, let alone a whole day. IT'S DAY TWO AND I AM GOING STRONG. Allow me to share my fun tips with you:

  1. Wipe nails with white vinegar before anything.

  2. ORLY super rubbery base coat, the name for which escapes me because I am not actually a beauty blogger, but it's the best

  3. Two thin coats of color

  4. Seche Vite top coat

  5. Dunk fingertips into a bowl of ice water. Hold as long as possible, remove and warm up, repeat until you want to kill yourself.

  6. Do take a nice easy hour or so on the fingers, but at this point, you're close to home free.


  7. Don't say I never gave you anything.

wow

Jul. 22nd, 2013 09:45 pm
seventhe: (Cats: I LIKE THEM)
I really need to figure out how to get the wireless up into my bedroom, because it is quite annoying to be stuck browsing things on my phone before bed.

In other news is there anything that says "old lady" more than going to bed at 9:44?
seventhe: (Ondore: he lies)
In no particular order:

  1. Had an alright weekend. Rested up. My lingering bronchitis cough and related flu are finally starting to admit defeat. Having said that I expect to violently cough up something disgusting the second I post this entry.

  2. Vicodin is sweet.

  3. My MRI is scheduled for this Friday morning.

  4. I've been knitting a lot. I should probably take some photos, to update on Ravelry if nothing else.

  5. I purchased a new blanket this weekend (to be honest, I purchased like four new blankets this weekend because I'm incapable of making decisions - two are blankets for my bed and two are throws for over the bed, and I'm likely to keep at least three of them) and it makes getting out of the bed even more difficult. Fuck.

  6. Met with my advisor on Friday. More on that in a future post. The plan is to have the literature search completed by the end of 2012, and graduating in May isn't necessarily too much of a reach. Also, she offered me an undergrad who I could take as a co-op to LIGIT do all of my thesis work, although he wouldn't be available until May. Talking to my boss about this, some time this week.

  7. Work is work.

  8. I'm doubting I'll be able to come up with anything for Chocobo Racing, although I'm still trying. There's a really great Lightning and Sazh buddy prompt that I really want to write, but. Words. Sigh.

  9. Thinking of doing a mini-NaNo in November with [livejournal.com profile] safety_caesars: 25,000 words (each). We were talking about it the other day and I've really been thinking about some of my original fiction again. Prediction: I hit it hard for the first week and then get sick again. Lolsob.
seventhe: (Cats: I LIKE THEM)
a random positive post, to make up for all the bullshittery i've been wailing about lately:

  • I'd forgotten how much I like my actual *job* -- I mean working my reactor, running batches, synthesizing polymer, the job I've been doing for 7 years now. I was just out in the lab prepping bottles for new chemicals and I realized I was humming to myself, just a little, and I actually stopped with the bottle still in my hand and realized how content I was at that moment, how satisfying it was to be doing things with my hands again, to be testing a new chemical myself. It was surprising, because it's a very mundane part of the entire polymerization process - chemical prep - and it's boring and a well-trained monkey could actually do it; I've been impatient with it before. But now, it was like a little moment of zen.

    Unfortunately, my job now isn't the job I've had for the last 7 years. Things change. Bitches get promoted. And today has definitely not been anywhere near a great day at work. But it was nice to have a moment of, "hey, this isn't actually the fifth level of hell."

  • WHY IS BALSAMIC VINAIGRETTE SO FREAKING GOOD????? delicious new afternoon snack: 1 package mozzarella balls, 1 package sliced bitty tomatoes, absolutely drowned in 1 tpsb olive oil and 2 tbsp balsamic. Keep telling self: this has to last me three days, this has to last me three days...

  • I very randomly this afternoon was - very ridiculously, very hard - pinged for Beacon, the original story-world I'm creating/writing with my brother. I haven't touched it in over a year, but I was doing something completely unrelated in a thesaurus and I had the most absolutely amazing idea and now all I want to do is leave work immediately and go home and start pouring out words.

    I haven't been actually *inspired* to write since, I am pretty sure, January.

    :)

seventhe: (Life: stress out and die)


cause y'all should sign up and also help spread the word

things aren't much better over here. my job is just currently a bog of suck. came in today to find that something else i needed to get done hasn't been done and i would really just like a week off now, please.
seventhe: (Life: stress out and die)

Signups are still open! Join us!


- - -

I'm pretty sure between work stress, Doink, and the fact that I've run 3.1 miles every other day for a week, I'm just running on empty.

Work got really bad this week. I don't even want to talk about Monday. I need to be more emotionally detached from this shit. It's funny because I am such a different person at work / in my work life than I am online. There I'm smart as fuck and hardworking and serious and driven and capable and intelligent, and I'm emotionally and intellectually attached and integrated to everything that I do. (here I can reply to 6000 words of gay fanfiction with "FFFFFFFFFFFFF" and often do just this because I don't give a fuck.) Monday was bad, this whole week has been awful, I am so tired. I'm too tired to talk about it.

I keep wondering when the fuck this shit's going to stop so that I can work on my goddamn thesis and get my fucking Masters. Never go to graduate school part time. Just don't. It is the worst idea I have ever had.

I may go home tonight and play FFVIII because why not.

My to-do list hates me.

How many fucks do I have left.

This has been your daily depressing entry. Move along now.

EDIT: I forgot -- today I'm spending the entire day working on the AIChE presentation I'll be giving in two weeks to an audience of 300-400 chemical engineers about my job. COOL
seventhe: (Seifer: bad guy)
  • salad with blue cheese crumbles and balsamic

  • the fact that I am coding a macro in EXCEL, for someone, for fun, on my vacation (this is not sarcasm, seriously, I actually really love this)

  • replaying FF8, and having what I consider a really fun liveblogging of it on my twitter

  • the FF8/GW crossover building in my head based namely on (a) G-Garden already has flying suits, it would totally work; (b) Fisherman's Horizon is the goddamn Sanc Kingdom; (c) Quatre and Quistis would literally rule the world in under 48 hours and (d) I kind of want to ship Wufei/Seifer for absolutely no reason I can possibly comprehend

  • because cats.
seventhe: (Ohayo: THAT GUY)
because nougat and I have had like 4 beers in the last hour! So here is Nougat!

Yeeeeaaah I've never typed on an iPad before this is totally awesome. But I'm not very good apparently.

Parade. Enough said.

PS: a parade is the name for a group of penises. I am going to go die now. There are pretzels on my finger.
seventhe: (Cecil: +100 for COCK)
Other than the 2 hours I have to go into work tomorrow for a meeting (ON MY DAY OFF) that I can't get out of as I am presenting data...

...I don't have to work for the next 10 days.

I don't think I've had a break that long since Jimmary got married.

I don't even know what to do with myself. WHAT DO I DO WITH MYSELF, INTERNET? Leave me some suggestions!

(I guarantee to promptly ignore them since I am MOVING and then TRAVELING FOR THANKSGIVING over this period, but hey, it'll be funny right)

ugh

Nov. 13th, 2011 08:13 pm
seventhe: (Edge/Kain)
Why in the world is Gmail not working for me in Firefox? (Yes, I just updated it.) When I go into Gmail I can see my Inbox, but clicking on a message shows me... nothing. As if the message doesn't exist at all. It's working fine on my phone and in Chrome, so it isn't just that MY Gmail is effed. but. I don't get it. whyyyyyyyyyy

UGH

Oct. 31st, 2011 08:36 am
seventhe: (Laguna: Who's Your Daddy?!)
1) My DW is in the midst of a big spam attack right now, everyone. I'm doing what I can to keep on top of the 'Delete As Spam' so that DW gets notified and gets to banhammer away, but since I'm not always around a computer capable of doing so immediately, there's only so much I can do. My apologies if you get a comment notification from something on my DW that's spam. If it doesn't improve in a day or two I am going to turn off anonymous comments for a little while.

(According to [staff profile] denise this is one of those attacks during which a spambot leaves a unique google-able code - hence the string of garbage subject lines and the cutely misspelled sentences underneath - and then searches for those phrases in a week or two to test a site's anti-spam measures.)

2) THANKS for all of the useful phone comments! I still... have no idea what to do, haha. Actually I think what I'll do first and foremost is see what Verizon's return policy is -- I wouldn't mind giving a new phone a trial period first. (I'm on Verizon pretty much for good. Not only do I get a discount on Verizon through work, making smartphones much more affordable, but it's the only mobile service that can somewhat consistently allow me to call my parents' house in Buffalo - apparently Sevmom and Sevdad live in a cell phone black hole.)

3) Had some much-needed and much-appreciated down time this weekend, all by myself with nothing to do. It was glorious. Of course I then filled it with a bottle of wine and some awful Gundam Wing porn. DONT JUDGE MY LIFE

4) I'm tired!
seventhe: (Basch: no pants)
I promise I am getting to things. :/

I'm just so tired.
seventhe: Rydia (Rydia)
It was a good weekend. It was a bad weekend. It was a busy weekend. In conclusion: I am exhausted.
seventhe: (FFEX: Doink!)
So this is what happens when you do something big and involving traveling every weekend from the beginning of May until now (minus the ones that were FFEX which were busy enough), is it?

I'm pretty tired.

I have a lot of important shit going through my head but fuck, when am I supposed to think about it? when I'm tired? when I'm in the car going to Pittsburgh again? at work?

AND WHEN DO I WRITE.

I need a break. I'd like to petition life in general: we should be able to get, say, 1-month sabbaticals if we need them.

Unrelated: We are starting to think Porter is part Maine Coon. Anybody want to look at some photos and tell me whether or not I'm right? I HAVE SUSPICIONS.

yeah so

May. 10th, 2010 01:08 pm
seventhe: (FFEX: Doink!)
I knew May was going to be like this. WHEEE?

Have returned from one whirlwind (BUT AWESOME) recruiting-birthday-visit trip, and leave on another one on Wednesday. With the FFEX deadline looming on Sunday, not only for my own work but modly-wise.

Am alive, but won't be around much. Email me if you need me.
seventhe: (Internet)
The things I really want to say I will try to sum up as follows:

  • “Losing weight” and “being skinny” are not actually always the same thing or even related…

  • …and neither one really is directly guaranteed to be related to “how you look”…

  • … and none of the above necessarily have anything to do with “being healthy”…

  • …which in turn is something related to, but also different than, how “strong” or “fit” you might be.


And also:
  • Some people like to challenge their bodies; others don’t. Different bodies accept physical challenge in different ways, and react to it differently. You are just as good as you need to be.

  • Some exercises are more effective than others. Some aren’t worth your time. Some things aren’t going to help you reach your goals, because you’ve made correlations among combinations of the above things that may or may not be true. Or really matter.

  • And people can be totally attractive, smoking hot, dead sexy, insert your phrase of choice here, at any point on any of the above scales!

  • And finding your balance of all of the above factors – figuring out not only which are important but which things you can affect yourself and which are not worth your time worrying about – is a difficult but important process.


There’s more of a rant that goes here but it became a very self-centered tl;dr on my own health problems and, well, this version works for now.

Conclusion: I creepershark everyone.

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