seventhe: (chocobo: hey bb)
- with a delightfully complimentary assortment of the family I love, the family they've chosen (my sister-in-law and her parents), and the family I've chosen (my close friends)

- making everyone - extended family and friends included - take the Myers-Briggs test and getting to pontificate wildly and very nerdily about what everyone's results mean all night long

- continuously eating and drinking far too much, including the green bean casserole I made from scratch after a shame grocery pilgrimage that's really its own sordid tale

- playing two very, very drunk games of Settlers of Catan

- doing three Tarot readings that were so scarily accurate and meaningful that everyone in the room was substantially freaked out and I'm actually a little afraid to touch my deck right now

- sitting outside in a graveyard looking at the sky and drinking Dark & Stormy from a flask while being snowed on and shooting the shit with an important friend, until we couldn't feel our butts, before coming home at 5am to cuddle for warmth with my roomie

- meeting my parents at Taco Bell before we all went our separate ways because holiday traditions are important, yo

- coming home through the snow and cold to the most gratuitous bagel-egg-cheese sandwich in the world, a warm bath, and a bed covered in blankets and cats who missed me and can't wait to sit on my feet




I'm not always the happiest / most optimistic / most upbeat person, especially recently. But even with everything else going on, I'm officially thankful that this is my life.
seventhe: (Rydia: calls the monsters)
Turns out I've got a herniated disc in my neck. My C5-C6 has been janked out of alignment with the rest of my spine. Because it's herniated/bulged, it's pinching the nerves around it, which accounts for the pain radiating out of the spot (into my neck/back/shoulders).

I'm oddly--- relieved? about the whole thing. It's not that a herniated C5-C6 is great - it's not - especially when you're 30 and arthritic it's really not - but it's an actual diagnosis. Based on data, rather than "I think it's this" or "from the way you describe the pain, this" (who knows if I'm saying the right things?). Based on data. I'm a research engineer to the core.

I actually don't have a lot more information than that. I've been referred to a neurosurgeon who will take a look at the MRI and give me some more detail (my GP basically said the neuro could give me far more understanding of what was going on than he could) (also, of course, there's some kind of weirdness in the MRI (can anything about me ever be normal please), because the report said "herniated disc versus a bulged disc", which will need to be clarified with a neurosurgeon specifically). After that I'll have more details and the beginnings of a path forward.

Also I fucking passed out in the doctor's office because I don't know why. This has already kind of been an emotionally stressful week (month) (year) due to some assorted 'other stuff' and maybe I'm just more worked up about my body than I realized? Or just general stress/relief/shock...? I don't even fucking know. I felt totally fine. Then I was standing at the check out station waiting for my referral and I started to feel all flushed and skitty, started to feel that awful head rush coming on like I do when I black out (this has, unfortunately, happened enough that I'm 'used to it' and can recognize the signs); so I said to the nurse, I need to sit down like right now and she gave me her chair and I sort of made my way into it (had blacked out at this point but fumbled my way over there with some help) and apparently just passed out in her chair? Came up a couple [moments?] later, and of course when you KO in the doctor's office, holy shit. They took me over to another room to lie down and I had a blood sugar test and an EKG and a bunch of other shit and they gave me a lollipop and eventually pronounced I was fine (I kept saying, this happens enough that I'm pretty sure I'm okay, and the looks the nurses gave me like, uh, what? were awful and hilarious).

I don't even fucking know; I took the rest of the day off too and sulked in bed and accidentally a 2 hour nap with Marzy to ward off the splitting headaches I usually get when I pass out.

I. D. E. F. K.

So yeah, that's that. It's really gross right now in my head -- usually I do a ton of research on medical stuff (when I am on a prescription I always look it up in detail, even if it's a fucking antibiotic) but I can't even bring myself to read a lot of the stuff about herniated discs because I'm just like, ew, oh god that's in my neck. I swear I feel it more - like, it hurts more - now that I know what it is, which is great. Vicodin already doesn't really work; just what I need, more body weirdness. I'm so fucking depressed I'm at the point where it's easy to pretend I'm not depressed because I don't have any feelings right now, I'm a big blank empty sack, so it's pretty easy to fill it up with fake "I'm okay"s. askdja;lsdk;alskd;alsk;;;;;;;;;

So we'll go from there. The doctor said I don't have to limit any of my activity - he basically said, "The damage is already done; activity is up to your discretion; if it doesn't hurt, and you feel okay, you can do it" - so maybe I can just move forward here.
seventhe: (Life: stress out and die)
1. I have figured out, through some intense reflection during a boring meeting I wasn't involved in but had no chance to escape, that the answers I actually need to manage my project are an entire layer underneath the questions that I have been asking. (WORKCEPTION????) I've been asking for targets; what I actually need is a more clear fundamental understanding of the way work is supposed to flow from conception into production, and the role my project plays in the entire process, where communication goes and where priorities are. There isn't a process, by the way, and that's why I always feel so goddamn lost, and why even asking for clear targets isn't going to fix the mess I'm wading through. I actually need to go deeper.

I've set an appointment with the visiting Overlords on Monday and I plan to basically bang heads against a table with my newfound understanding of the situation I am in until someone cries uncle and gives me what I want.

2. I just emailed my advisor. I am back in the game. Thesis complete and Masters Degree by spring semester 2013.

Because fuck everything.

3. I am super stressed at the moment. :(

4. Icon (DW) has never been more relevant.
seventhe: (Quistis/Rydia: Yeah I Ship It)
#1: I have arthritis, at 30. It's what broke my toes off earlier this year; it's part of what's causing my neck problems, as it has moved into my spine. I'm 30. With arthritis. In my spine.

#1.5: I'm currently having anxiety attacks over whether this is rheumatoid arthritis; I haven't gotten the blood test yet, but i have other symptoms too (constant inflammation of tendons on equal sides of my body, constant pain/ache, etc); an autoimmune disease would explain why my body has never actually worked correctly, and I'm terrified that that's going to be it. I hate self-diagnosers so I'm trying to ignore it, but it isn't working.

#2: One of the fundamental reasons I work out - including weight lifting - is because it can prevent the osteopenia that hit my mum at an incredibly young age and the osteoporosis that is tearing my gramma apart.

#3: Lifting heavy weights is the most efficient way to weight train. Heavy weights, few reps >> little weights, lots of reps in terms of efficiency, bone strengthening, muscle gains, etc.

#4: Heavy lifting and high impact activities are probably what's aggravating my arthritis so badly.

#5: I don't like having to choose between arthritis at 30 and osteopenia at 40. I don't want either.

#6: I guess maybe this is a good time to try that gym with the pool.

#7: physical therapy is expensive, I don't want to do it, and I don't need another thing taking up my already limited time. However, I would like to not be in high levels of pain every day.

#8: Ugh.
seventhe: (chocobo: hey bb)
I WAS THERE.

IT WAS AMAZING.

I was also at a lot of bars, on a lot of (quality) trains, at a lot of delicious restaurants, and in the middle of a large amount of drunk. Zero Fucks Weekend Round Two: New York City Shame Edition was an epic success and I'll update everyone some more when I'm not being kicked out of work for actually being too sick to be here. (I promise I'll leave when my work is done, people, but it ain't done yet)

But I thought you should all know that Bjork's show and new album are just as amazing as she always is, and I am still worshipping at her sparkly, big-haired, amazing-voiced altar.
seventhe: (Quistis: smile)
I saw Distant Worlds last Friday, and it was amazing. I'd heard from a lot of people that it was going to be really good, but I had kind of been trying to keep reasonable expectations and all. It was just unbelievable, though, like on a lot of levels: this is the music from a series of games I have been playing for over 20 years now, well over half my life, and I listened to them in a gorgeous ballroom-type setting thing surrounded by people from the internet that I met through these games who are now some of my closest and best friends in the world. It's a little mind-blowing when I put it that way. No wonder I got a bit emotional.

The show opened with the Opening: Bombing Mission from FFVII, and that was definitely a "get chills" type thing: [personal profile] novel_machinist and [personal profile] crankyoldman were the first people I met in person through fandom, [mumble] years ago, and we all met through FFVII and cosplayed really shitty Turks at our first convention and there they were sitting right in front of me: LULZ, to put it in the vernacular. Can I use any more colons: WE'LL FIND OUT.

Other highlights of the show for me:
  • The fucking battle music from FFVIII. What the everloving fuck: why did this make me cry? But it did. I think it was the moment I realized they were using the footage from the scene in Dollet where they're running from that giant monster and Quistis fucks it up with the machine gun so that Squall can escape. I have unhealthy feelings about this game.

  • On that note: EYES ON ME. HOLY JESUS. Sobfest over basically a Squall/Rinoa songvid. I absolutely loved that singer.

  • and on that note: MAN WITH THE MACHINE GUN. Will I ever not love this song in its entirely? JFMC.

  • There were two pieces from FFIX, and even though that wasn't my favorite game, I'd forgotten (a) how poignant and pretty the music is and (b) that the game can still pack an emotional punch with some of those visuals.

  • FFIV's Theme Of Love. It's a beautiful song from my favorite game. I probably would have liked a little more music from FFIV - they did a medley from I-III that was amazing and made me tear up a little, and it would have been nice to see the same for FFIV; it has the kind of very repetitive music I think would be suited for a medley. Then again I'm a little prejudiced about this game.

  • Zanarkand. Fucking Zanarkand. I cried so hard at this one. The visuals were just really well done - people cry, and Yuna dances - and personally I think it's top five one of the most beautifully emotional songs in the entire FF series.

  • THE OPERA FROM FFVI. I wasn't sure how this was going to play out, but I was hopeful, and it was absolutely amazing. The singers were phenomenal, and they put little clips of the Opera House from the game up in-between the singing parts, and I got pretty emotional seeing Locke running around in the rafters and Edgar and Sabin sitting in the chairs ("Why is everyone singing?") and all of that. Again, nostalgia time: my brother Jim and I pooled all our money to buy FFVI (FFIII!) when it came out and we played the hell out of it and we still joke about it. My brother: came to the Distant Worlds concert. I'd already been crying, but I sobbed at the fricking opera.
    (Side note: am I the only old person one who still wants to say, "Oh my hero / so far away now / will I ever see your smile"? I know they re-wrote/re-translated the opera in other releases of the game and in FFVI Advance and all, but the original translation will always be the one in my head.

  • Terra's Theme is still like top three pieces of music forever, although they ruined it a little by playing credits through it. Maybe I'm just bitter because MY FAVORITE.

  • The entire crowd singing SEPH-I-ROTH was a really good note to end on: I've never really been able to adore Sephiroth like most of the fandom, but One Winged Angel is still awesome music, and having the crowd sing was an awesome way to end on a good note with a badass game and a badass villain without taking itself too seriously. It was pretty awesome.


The rest of the weekend was an exhausting blur of internet friends and alcohol. Just take a look at this: [livejournal.com profile] safety_caesars and [personal profile] ser_pounce_alot and I drove out on Thursday to pick up [personal profile] deadcellredux and [profile] notraffic, then met [personal profile] justira and [personal profile] novel_machinist on Friday and [personal profile] crankyoldman late Fri / early Sat. That's a lot of Final Fantasy. And a lot of booze.

It was a great weekend and an amazing show. Coming back to a day of meetings starting at 5AM (the day; 6:20 for the workday) was kind of like a punch in the face.
seventhe: (Ohayo: CREEPERSHARK)
As of tomorrow evening I will be drunk at Ohayocon. My itinerary includes:
  • Battleshots

  • FF Roller Derby Rydia, part of the Zeromus Haters roller derby team

  • being drunk

  • (drunk) (gay stylist) (spaghetti making) Trowa, from Gundam Wing

  • gluing sparkly shit on everyone who stands still long enough to let me

  • getting to curl Becky's hair :D

  • possibly seducing Quatre's voice actor with Katy

  • drinking an entire beer penis

  • a round of Snirvines (this year's shot)

  • Mongolian Fucking Barbecue

  • cuddling

  • lots of compromising photos posted to our live photo feed

  • creepersharking

  • HOPEFULLY partying with Hot Leia and Hot Tifa and Hot Cloud and Hard Gay



I'll have my phone for email and texts, but I will very likely be drunk or sleeping, so. Contact at your own risk, fools. Otherwise, I will get back to all of you on Monday when I am hung the fuck over sober and back at work.

CHEERS :D
seventhe: (Joie)
I am totally stealing this from [personal profile] lassarina because, hey, why not.

- By "12 Days" I mean that I will run this tiny meme until 12 January. It's more than 12 Days, but that's how Christmas runs, sucka.
- By "Promptmas" I mean that you leave me prompts. Or a bunch of prompts, and I will choose the one I fancy the most. And I'll write it! For you!

- I make no promises on length: but if you know what I like, you know what to give me to tempt me to a higher word count.
- If you leave one prompt, I'll do my best. If you want to leave multiple prompts, I'll pick one or two that I really like and go to town. It's up to you!
- I am open to prompts from any fandom you know I'm in. If you are iffy on a fandom, leave me multiple prompts in multiple fandoms to choose from! I am open to any themes and any genres from G to PRON.
- this is open to anyone! Even if I've just met you!
- I make no promises on whether I will write your fic sober.

And, uh, Happy Holidays~.
seventhe: (Seifer: bad guy)
  1. Let's say Sev is thinking of asking for either an X-Box or a PS3 for Christmas. Tell me about both of them: pros and cons, games I can get, which you would recommend for someone who is kind of a shitty gamer anyway. Let's go!

  2. I have a bit of code I wrote a while ago that could potentially be used for a fic exchange. I'm not sure it's going to work for DOINK in any real context, but I've been itching to try it out on a VERY SMALL and VERY UNOFFICIAL scale. Basically how it works is: every person leaves 3 prompts; I make a master list of the anonymous prompts by number; you secretly send me 3 prompts you're willing to write; the code will assign you 1 prompt to write in a way that best covers as many participants as possible. Would anybody be interested in helping me test it out on a small unofficial scale? I could call it SevMas or something. My own personal boner exchange. I'm looking for a group of people, more than 5 but less than 15. Very low key, no promises, all I want is to run my damn code like a real loser, Sev/EXCEL OTP forever.

  3. I have been feeling very strangely fannish lately, probably because I've been imbibing on a lot more source material than usual: this is mostly the fault of [livejournal.com profile] safety_caesars/[personal profile] vrazdova. We are replaying FFX; I started a random replay of FFVIII when I was sick; we just watched Gundam Wing and I am rewatching it in English while I run. I'm kind of on fandom overdose. Any thoughts or liveblogs or meta posts or, god, I don't know whatever that people want to see? And/Or: if I start spamming my thoughts on GW episodes and writing massive essays on Quistis/Rinoa, please don't defriend me right away.

  4. WHAT'S UP

seventhe: (Edge/Kain)
- come home from a less-than-twenty-four-hour visit to family
- throw bags onto bed
- immediately make ramen and bloody mary
- watch Becky play FFX
- repeat until bedtime

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