seventhe: (Cock: GIANT COCKFISTING)

Based on this, let's see how we did in January... For context, in January, I:
* Dealt with furnace break and repair for about 5 days
* Babysat my niece from a Thursday night to the next Monday morning
* Went to Pittsburgh with my partner to marry two of my best friends
* Got knocked on my ass for 2 days by a surprise sinus infection
* went through an absolutely horrible HR-centric clusterfuck which ended in having to terminate a previously (technically) excellent employee, which was draining

So, as much as I may not want to admit it, I didn't have as much weekend time as I would have liked. But also, I let things slip.

Let's see....

  1. Health:

    • I didn't make it to the gym at all. I meant to, but it did not happen. I need to make myself a true workout plan and stick to it.
    • I did actually eat pretty healthy (except that weekend in Pittsburgh where I said my words over lemon drop shots and we signed their marriage license making sure there was a nice beer ring on the paper) with food at home - not packing lunches yet. Also, I did clean out my fridge and pantry.
    • not sure on weight -- I had lost 5 lb, and then this morning I'd gained 5 -- I did just put my NuvaRing back in, so it may be hormonal water holding.
    • My dr and I have added a medication to my fibromyalgia treatment package (so I am now on Cymbalta, Lyrica, buproprion, buspirone, Mobic, and trazodone) and I have adjusted my supplement regimen so that I'm focusing on boosting my immune system which is at what may be an all-time low. I had the med adjustment period, but I am hopeful.
  2. Writing: I'm at 1/52 for the prompts (should be at 5/52). I did write two pieces for prompt #1 though?

  3. Art: I'm at 14/365 (should be at 31/365). It actually surprises me that I've done 14, although probably only 25% of them have been anything above the layer of crap. However, it means I should be able to do >0 arts this year - maybe I can keep up with it?

  4. Home: I haven't done this well. Although I did get the fucking furnace fixed; it's great when I can surprise the repairman because shock, I'm an engineer, and while I wouldn't necessarily start pulling out wires inside my furnace panel, I certainly know what a draft inducer blower is, and that it should not have water in it

  5. Mental: I've done OK in letting hobbies be chores. With this new medication plan I'm going through the grieving process of believing I would ever be a healthy, able-bodied person again.

  6. Work: I am taking huge steps in making it clear where my line is between assisting on a project and completing action items for it. I also had the awful situation I outlined above, which will be saved for another post.

  7. F&F: I saw my niece, and went to Pittsburgh to visit (marry) friends - with my partner, and we had an absolutely fantastic time with each other. I did ask him for support when I needed it while going through the horrible HR fiasco, and we talked a bit about where boundaries might be.

Rather than setting firm goals for February, instead I want to just pick three areas to focus in:

  1. GET TO THE GYM. THERE'S ONE RIGHT UP THE ROAD IN A DIFFERENT BUILDING ON THE WORK CAMPUS.
  2. Uncluttering. Laundry / clothes to donate is a big area of shame right now.
  3. Make up some ground on my art & writing commitments.

[EDIT] ok so I really like Markdown but there's something funny about this version of it that's making me mad

seventhe: (Life: stress out and die)
the "great" thing about having fibro really has to be the days you are at work in so much pain you start thinking, what can I take and how many if I have to be minimally functional??

My legs are 50% bruising from climbing all around the 3rd floor of my plant this week - I've been up on scaffolds and down ladders and on top of tanks and inside vessels this week as I build a comprehensive mental picture of how fucking fucked my site is.

work is such a fucking mess right now.

I hurt a lot today and since an opium robot spinal tap is illegal, excuse me while I self-treat with wine, a cigarette, music, and lying on the floor.
seventhe: (Cats: I LIKE THEM)
This just in: still alive.

I'm not even going to get into work here because the things people have done to me and the things I have done to people in the last six weeks belong in a horror film. One about fire and brimstone and lots and lots of swears.

More importantly, I finally got in to see the rheumatologist. I'd delayed calling because I am a busy and forgetful fuck, and then when I called there was a 6-8 week lead time on appointments, but I've finally been in to see an expert. Diagnosis re-confirmed, it's fibromyalgia. There's also some general autoimmune-disease stuff going on in there, but Fibro is an absolute.

(With fibro, there are these "trigger tender points" that are part of the diagnosis process: for people with fibro there are certain points on the body where the nerves are hypersensitive, so a normal touch feels like someone punching you directly on a bruise. Things I wasn't prepared for. The doctor was doing his check-over and hit the one on the knee and I screamed. I've always just thought bodies were sensitive there. Things I wish I'd known years ago.)

So I'm being taken off the escitalopram (anxiety med) and put on Cymbalta. The Cymbalta should be able to take the place of the Lexapro with regards to anxiety, and additionally will help deal with the fibro pain and sensations. I do get to keep my trazodone -- you can pry that sleeping pill from my cold dead fingers.

I'm on a starter dose for now, which will be increased if/as needed, and if Cymbalta doesn't work Lyrica's next.

As part of the prescription, I've also been "prescribed" exercise. The doctor says that mild (no strenuous weightlifting or sprinting intervals) exercise will help the fibro and, even though it hurts, will also help the Cymbalta work -- basically adding some exercise activity will give the drug the best chance to be effective as time goes on. As I would really like (one of) these drugs to be successful, I'm going to go back to the gym and just be gentle with myself until/as the drugs start to work, and then go from there. I'm thinking of restarting yoga in addition to that.

I am sure it won't be easy, and adding something else to my to-do list and daily schedule is moving in the absolute wrong direction, but I'm at the point where I've needed a reminder that my health is important even though it's complicated to care for.
seventhe: (Ondore: he lies)
This has been a particularly busy and interesting day. I had one simple checkup this morning but it blossomed into an all-day medical ~extravaganza~ ( /rupaul voice) that I'm simultaneously hopeful about, exhausted from, and dreading the slew of medical bills.

Today I had a checkup and discussion with my pain doctor, went to get a slew of x-rays on my lumbar spine and sacroiliac joint, went to my general doctor, got a major new prescription, and am having like a dozen blood tests done tomorrow. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. When I do something I do it thoroughly. I hope today results in some answers.

cut for medical talk )

Ugh

Feb. 1st, 2013 11:41 am
seventhe: (chocobo: hey bb)
I had some great thoughts on FFI and working out and life and there are some awesome FFI posts floating around and I just read my DW FList and wanted to comment on everything, but

my neck totally locked up this morning for the first time in forever and so I'm stuck in bed with the hot pad and I've already taken so many drugs I'm a little stoned :/

so coherency is not my forte at the moment

I'll get back to you all later.
seventhe: (SAZH)
Yesterday I had an appointment for an evaluation at a Pain Management Clinic. This is the third doctor I've seen for the problem in my neck/back/shoulders: the first being my GP, who is the one that sent me for the X-Rays and MRI (and PT) and found the herniated disc; the second being the neurologist I went to see about the bulging/herniated disc and the MRI results, who was a super asshole that I actually flipped a proverbial table at and cussed out for being dismissive and spending too much time playing up his jokey mannerisms and not enough time listening to me; the third is this Pain Management Clinic specialist to which Doc #2 referred me to be evaluated for cortisone shots in my spine. (For the record, I will not be going back to Doc #2. I will eat nails first.) Keep in mind that there have been 2-3 week waiting periods to even get an appointment at these specialist places; my MRI was in October. The pain started in June. Just yesterday I actually spoke to a doctor who has an actual plan to help me.

Doc #3 was pretty great. He was a little slow - the whole clinic was - but it was the methodical, I'm-actually-thinking slow, which is okay when you're a doctor. But he listened to me, and actually evaluated me there (making me move around, looking at where the pain was, feeling around for trigger points) instead of just reading the notes from the nurse and the previous doctors. And we have a plan.

So, what Doc #3 told me was that basically, after listening to my descriptions/symptoms and feeling my actual neck/back/shoulders, he isn't sure if my muscles are jacked because my spine is fucked, or my spine is jacked because the muscles around it are fucked. He's taking me very seriously in terms of wanting significant pain relief: I'm scheduled for a cortisone epidural (steroid shots into my actual spine places) at the end of February. But since A) there's a long wait time for the epidurals anyway; B) shooting shit into one's spine is a fairly significant procedure; and C) there's a chance the muscles are the cause, not the disc; he suggested that we try something less invasive in the meantime to see whether it provides any level of relief. I have to say, I like this logic: I love a doctor who is cautious and tries the less dangerous stuff first, while I simultaneously love that he hasn't taken the more drastic option off the books (other doctors have done so, and I'm like no, dude, give me the big shit, I fucking need it). It's a good progression plan in my opinion.

So next week Tuesday morning I'm going in to have a steroid concoction injected into the trigger points in my muscles. At best, this will calm the inflamed muscles, relieving the stress on my spine and (maybe after multiple treatments, admittedly) solving the problem entirely. At worst, it will provide temporary relief until the end of February when I get the epidural injections.

I'm also on a sweet new cocktail of epic maintenance drugs to help me make it through the days on as little pain as possible:
- Super Advils (800mg; I have 90 of them) for general off-the-top relief
- a less-drowsy opiate for during the day that I can take at work, hopefully allowing me to not have stabbing pain while at my desk and on the job
- Vicodin to take at night, to help me actually sleep (Vicodin is at the top of the very short list of "things that actually help relieve this pain"), at a higher dosage than I had before
- a new muscle relaxer to take at night; previous ones didn't work well on me, but last night I was seriously in bed by 9:30pm so maybe there's hope for this one

I realize this is my first day on the new cocktail and it might just be a coincidental "good day" at random, but I do have to say the overall level of pain has already decreased. I don't feel like I'm being stabbed in the neck with a red-hot knitting needle at the moment, for once.

So I will get injections next Tuesday and then work with that and the new drug cocktail for ~2 weeks, at which point I go in for a check-up/eval with the doctor again to report back. From there we can do another round of the muscle injections, up/change the drugs, and/or reevaluate the need for the spinal injections. Thankfully, that checkup is before my next trip to the plant, so hopefully I'll be able to have some kind of relief before going back down to work those physically demanding 14-hour shifts.

I'm... I've been hopeful so many times and things haven't worked out. So this time I'm trying to be reasonably hopeful -- this is all new stuff we're trying, and so far I think the plan is good and the drugs are (as a VERY early judgment) working well.

We'll see.
seventhe: (Rydia: calls the monsters)
Turns out I've got a herniated disc in my neck. My C5-C6 has been janked out of alignment with the rest of my spine. Because it's herniated/bulged, it's pinching the nerves around it, which accounts for the pain radiating out of the spot (into my neck/back/shoulders).

I'm oddly--- relieved? about the whole thing. It's not that a herniated C5-C6 is great - it's not - especially when you're 30 and arthritic it's really not - but it's an actual diagnosis. Based on data, rather than "I think it's this" or "from the way you describe the pain, this" (who knows if I'm saying the right things?). Based on data. I'm a research engineer to the core.

I actually don't have a lot more information than that. I've been referred to a neurosurgeon who will take a look at the MRI and give me some more detail (my GP basically said the neuro could give me far more understanding of what was going on than he could) (also, of course, there's some kind of weirdness in the MRI (can anything about me ever be normal please), because the report said "herniated disc versus a bulged disc", which will need to be clarified with a neurosurgeon specifically). After that I'll have more details and the beginnings of a path forward.

Also I fucking passed out in the doctor's office because I don't know why. This has already kind of been an emotionally stressful week (month) (year) due to some assorted 'other stuff' and maybe I'm just more worked up about my body than I realized? Or just general stress/relief/shock...? I don't even fucking know. I felt totally fine. Then I was standing at the check out station waiting for my referral and I started to feel all flushed and skitty, started to feel that awful head rush coming on like I do when I black out (this has, unfortunately, happened enough that I'm 'used to it' and can recognize the signs); so I said to the nurse, I need to sit down like right now and she gave me her chair and I sort of made my way into it (had blacked out at this point but fumbled my way over there with some help) and apparently just passed out in her chair? Came up a couple [moments?] later, and of course when you KO in the doctor's office, holy shit. They took me over to another room to lie down and I had a blood sugar test and an EKG and a bunch of other shit and they gave me a lollipop and eventually pronounced I was fine (I kept saying, this happens enough that I'm pretty sure I'm okay, and the looks the nurses gave me like, uh, what? were awful and hilarious).

I don't even fucking know; I took the rest of the day off too and sulked in bed and accidentally a 2 hour nap with Marzy to ward off the splitting headaches I usually get when I pass out.

I. D. E. F. K.

So yeah, that's that. It's really gross right now in my head -- usually I do a ton of research on medical stuff (when I am on a prescription I always look it up in detail, even if it's a fucking antibiotic) but I can't even bring myself to read a lot of the stuff about herniated discs because I'm just like, ew, oh god that's in my neck. I swear I feel it more - like, it hurts more - now that I know what it is, which is great. Vicodin already doesn't really work; just what I need, more body weirdness. I'm so fucking depressed I'm at the point where it's easy to pretend I'm not depressed because I don't have any feelings right now, I'm a big blank empty sack, so it's pretty easy to fill it up with fake "I'm okay"s. askdja;lsdk;alskd;alsk;;;;;;;;;

So we'll go from there. The doctor said I don't have to limit any of my activity - he basically said, "The damage is already done; activity is up to your discretion; if it doesn't hurt, and you feel okay, you can do it" - so maybe I can just move forward here.
seventhe: (Edge/Rydia: no return)
Apparently we've moved the focus of this journal from "complaining about work" to "a DAILY UPDATE of what's wrong with my body."

The good news is, my tendonitis is almost completely gone! I can walk without the ankle braces and without lurching around like a really gimpy undead! The NSAID worked wonders on it and I'm going to be really careful for the next week or two - no running at all - to make sure it stays that way.

The bad news is, the muscle relaxers didn't do shit on my neck. So 5 weeks of PT: ineffective. Muscle relaxers: ineffective. NSAIDs: ineffective. Diagnosis: no one has a fucking clue.

To make a long story short, I have to get an MRI. This morning I went in for my pre-approval appointment. They're going to get approval from my insurance and then make me an appointment for it, which will hopefully be soon. Until then, I have a 60-day supply of Vicodin to take - mostly at night, to help me sleep with the pain, because if I take it during the day I have to stay at my desk instead of going out in the lab - which should help me deal with this.

the longer story )

Good times. One of these days I will be fun again. XD
seventhe: (Life: stress out and die)
There are some days I'm really glad I keep a journal; today is one of those days.

a history of my medical woes this year as told by my blog )

It's now 8 October. My neck/back/shoulders have been bothering me since mid-June, and I've been on a variety of medications pretty much constantly - and unable to consistently work out at all - since mid-August. And I've had bronchitis for 4 weeks straight. Holy fucking shit, no wonder I have been so depressed lately. :/

I've more or less come to terms with the fact that I've got a horribly underperforming compromised immune system; I get sick more than my peers, and it sucks, but after 30 years of it, I can more or less deal. What I hate about my body is when it does this slippery-slope bullshit, this cascading series of one fucking thing after another, when I'm constantly in pain for three months running (with no end in sight) and things just continue to hit and bombard me and it's like the second I get over one thing another has been incubating and just waiting for a moment of weakness to strike. I feel so unhealthy and gross -- not only because I am literally unhealthy, but because without being able to work out at all, my body just feels useless and horrible and flabby-lumpy in addition to being in large amounts of pain and flu-achy and generally grumpy.

It's seriously depressing. And I know depression is a wily beast - I've fought her before - but it puts me in the foulest fucking moods out of absolutely nowhere. I'll start coughing or I'll sneeze and I'm reminded that I haven't felt even close to 100% in like three months and suddenly all I want to do is crawl into my bed with a cat and not come out for sixteen consecutive hours days. I end up summoning the irrational RAGE BEAST on people who don't even really deserve it, because everything fucking irritates me and I'm so frustrated at my body and my weakness and myself that I just fucking snap.

I know that being on different medications for ~8 weeks running probably isn't doing my blood chemistry any good, really. And today at lunch I'm going back to the CVS clinic to have them check out this lingering cough, and if they say I'm still sick, I'll take the afternoon off. I feel like I haven't given myself enough rest -- but at the same time I feel like I've missed so much work lately for PT and dentist appointments and afternoons where Dave kicks me out of the lab because I'm still coughing bronchitis everywhere, so how the fuck am I not better yet?

Whine whine whine J F C.

Off to go attempt to cheer myself up.
seventhe: (Tifa: bad)
My body's still busted up.

I've been fighting bronchitis for two weeks now. Some of it is my fault: I came down with it the week the Japanese Overlords were here, so I really didn't want to take sick time off of work and leave my discussions and presentations to someone else; I ended up just taking a lot of drugs and cough drops. I'm also dumb because I continued to run and work out for the first week because I don't like admitting defeat to my own body. When it didn't start to clear up on its own I went to a CVS MinuteClinic and got me some drugs for it, but I think working/working out through it has aggravated it and made it worse. That's mostly my own stupidity, and I probably deserve it, but the bronchitis just had particularly bad timing this year.

I haven't done any kind of cardio (running, swimming, or elliptical) in a week, and I haven't even done weights since last Friday. I've also been sleeping like a goddamned fiend - last Thursday I took the afternoon off sick, took a 4-hour nap, got up and ate and read a little, and basically went back to bed and slept for 10 hours - so it isn't like my body doesn't know something's wrong. I pretty much slept away the entire fucking weekend. At this point I'll probably just rest right on through to the Marathon Relay on Saturday, other than PT today. It's going to be a pretty horrible race for me. :/ I'm sure it will be fun hanging out with everyone, but I'm really just not looking forward to the running bit.

PT doesn't seem to be doing much yet. Every time I seem to think things are improving, it then gets worse. I know from experience that this unidentified friend in my neck works in horrible synergy with the rest of me - so when I'm sick, or when I have really bad insomnia, it's way worse - so for now I don't know whether my bronchitis is compounding the issue by way of general aches and pains, or if it's actually worsening. I just -- I thought PT was supposed to provide some kind of relief (as well as fixing what's broke)? Other than the traction machine (which I may actually propose to) it doesn't really seem to do much in terms of relief.

I just get really depressed when I constantly feel like shit. (surprise, feeling like shit makes you feel like shit?)

I'm really ready to not be coughing and dizzy all the time, and I'm super ready to not have constant pain in my neck/shoulders/back. :/

In marginally less whiny news:
  • I've contacted my advisor, I'm trying to pick up my literature search again, and I'll hopefully talk to her and go to some group meetings this month :/ (file under: other things I am not excited about)

  • This weekend I somehow managed to pull together a decently respectable Terra costume for NYCC. There's still plenty of things which can be done with it, but it's more or less going a lot better than I expected. It would be nice to have one 'constant' cosplay that I can wear wherever. (file under: upcoming nyc drunk vacation)

  • I'm almost finished with a stupid scarf I've been working on for like a year (I lost the pattern okay .___. ) and I have lots of epic plans for scarves and cowls and hats and fun things to knit for the winter. (file under: things i will not end up doing)

  • Work is somewhat in a lull right now, which is both nice and epically worrisome. No further developments there right now.



I'm trying to at least enjoy the weather. Autumn is my favorite season, and I love that it's colder out. I love the way the air smells, and I love the colors that are coming out. I just wish I felt better to enjoy it. :/

[edit] also I dyed my hair red. and that's really about it.
seventhe: (Rydia: whyt)
Sorry, I have been dead as doors lately. I got hit with one of those horrible whirlwind illness attacks I get sometimes, because my body is a failure and I lack a complete functioning immune system. In fact, it's my own complete trash compactor disaster of an immune system that's broken this time; I have an infection in my lymph nodes. I'm on a new antibiotic so stay tuned to see what sort of fun games I'm going to have with the side effects this time (previous records include unexpected unconsciousness, nausea, hallucinations, and being able to feel my own kidneys).

I was all excited about my new gym and Fitocracy and then this happened. Cool work, body. Tomorrow morning before I leave I'm hoping to get in at least an easy run if nothing else; I've had to take this week off so far completely (because I don't think it's recommended to run 5 miles with a fever of ~102) and the Relay is in a month and man, I'm gonna suck at it.

Work has not calmed down. It has gotten worse. We used to only have to meet with the Japanese Overlords twice a year, May and November, which was nice - preparation for these meetings can take a full week in itself, gathering data and making slides and remaking slides and sending your draft to the Overlords and then updating it based on eight peoples' suggestions, and now we're apparently doing this quarterly. It's supposed to just be a Project Review but the Overlords are all coming over here and their expectations are basically just like the (former) biannual meetings and it's just getting ridiculous. Basically this means that a full four months out of my year at this point are spent doing nothing but slides and emails and presentations and meetings and pre-meeting meetings and post-meeting meetings, rather than just two, and ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm so tired of my life

Went to physical therapy on Tuesday and as expected it felt kind of bullshitty. I'm not saying it's a waste because I know it isn't, really, but the guy gave me like two exercises to do on my neck and if stretching could fix this shit it would be fixed already because I actually stretch my neck out this way a lot, but hey, sure, I'll give it a try and maybe the $$$$ that I'm paying for PT will make it magically work this time. I don't mean to be so down on PT but it just doesn't seem helpful. I am a skeptical cynical fuck and I have no idea how this tiny shit is actually going to help the problem. I seriously feel like I should stop throwing money down the gigantic toilet of chiropractors and PT and instead just buy a goddamned shoulder massage every two weeks. It would be cheaper than all of this crap.

On the plus side, the August Chocobo Races will be ending soon, and this first month was fucking awesome. There are already 14 works and I'm hoping maybe a couple more will slip in under the wire. Plus, I actually wrote for it, which is amazing because I haven't been able to really write in months, but I managed to spin out some Lightning/Snow/Serah that's more of an idea and may spawn 20,000 words of its own if I can ever find my motivation again.

I think I left it in the box of wine

Anyway there is a lot of awesome small fandom and overlooked character work in there, and I am loving it. Next month's theme is going to be soooooo awesome I am super stoked for it >.>

What else do I do

OH YEAH I have been replaying FFVI in small-ish chunks. I've been reminded of a bunch of things I love about this game, and I have to admit that the story ideas at least are flowing madly. I've been mostly talking about it on Twitter, although this week I was way too sick to actually play and type on my phone at the same time. By the way, the World of Ruin and Kefka's Light of Judgment are mad fucking trippy when you're already hallucinating from fever. There were little colored worms at the edges of my vision and when the screen flashed it felt pretty damn strange I put the DS down shortly after that and just went to bed because it can't really be good but in retrospect it's kind of hilarious.

So yeah, that has been most of my week.
seventhe: (Ohayo: THAT OTHER GUY)
  • Today is the first day I've worked in 2012 and not had a single meeting. The next after this? 05 March. What the hell.

  • At 620 comments - and growing - I'm pretty sure this is the greatest FF Kissing Battle we've had yet. Even if you're not on a team, come on in and play!
    • I'm writing tons of Final Fantasy / Gundam Wing crossovers. SHOOT ME.

  • So I've been diagnosed with arthritis in my big toe. The injury's a long story; the tl;dr version is that I'm off any kind of high-impact stress on it for 2-3 weeks and I maybe shouldn't run very much in my future also (depends on how it "heals" (since arthritis doesn't exactly, you know, fix itself: HEY CARTILAGE. GROW BACK ALREADY)). On one hand: OH DARN I DON'T LIKE RUNNING ANYWAY. On the other hand: I am a stubborn Taurus fuck and I don't like the idea of my body winning the war against me when I'm only 30 years old. CUE ANGST AND SPACEHEARTING.

  • Oh, and I'm on goddamned prescription drugs again. AGAIN. (No drinking for 2-3 weeks? LIKE FUCK YOU SAY.)

  • It's 20 February and I have yet to do a single goddamn thing for my graduate thesis. I hate school so much.

  • Speaking of not working on grad school: !! My schedule for the next few weekends is like being PUNCHED IN THE FACE WITH AWESOME. It goes like this: DISTANT WORLDS --> BJORK (!!!!!!!!!!) --> possible trip to the plant which is shitty --> PITTSBURGHCON --> LESBIAN GARAGE SALE SHIT SHOW --> Acen --> MY GODDAMNED 30th BIRTHDAY --> Katy's graduation --> CABINCON PART I ("A HOT TUB IS NOT CAMPING"). I am really not leaving my 20s quietly.

  • I cleaned up my tags on DW this afternoon. I'm finally back under 1000. I really need to do the same on LJ, but LJ lacks the AMAZEBALLS "tag merge" tool that Dreamwidth has, for when you type a tag in just a little bit wrong and end up with 3 variants on the tag, "I am a vain fuck." (This is a true story!).

  • The word "amazeballs" was actually in TIME magazine BTW.

  • Zero ships 3x4 is one of the most hilarious things I've read all day. I would easily say "the most hilarious" on any other day but as the other things going on in my email right now are (1) a serious discussion on which crossover troll fic idea is the lube for the other and (2) the creation of an Opera in at least 14 movements about The Shit Show Of Our Lives, there's some stiff competition in my Inbox today. Nevertheless, read that shit.

  • I have not played more than a couple hours of FFXIII. Don't judge me. So far the PS3 has basically been a very expensive way to steam music and Netflix. Winning.

  • Going to rewatch some Sherlock this week. Might have intelligent thoughts about it. Might just reblog more shite on Tumblr.


And that's the news.
seventhe: (Rosa: pray)
I get really high on fevers. Not pleasant enjoyable drunk high: just that my body does really weird things. I can't walk straight. I eat six meals, or eat nothing. Words come out of my mouth backwards. I wander around the house. If they get bad enough, I hallucinate. My eyeballs get hot; the feeling of your eyes being hot, your eyelids actually hot against your eye when you blink? Yeah. it's inexplicably strange. Even on drugs, my body feels queer, like it isn't all there. I feel dumb. Like something isn't working right.

So when I'm sick - right now, still sporting a fever of 100F under the grand influence of Tylenol - I usually park myself down on the nearest couch or bed and try not to move. Even walking makes it worse. I read books because as long as I can still make out the words, I'm okay. A year or two ago I had a fever of 104F - which technically, view it as a fever of 105 since my normal/healthy body temperature is a full degree low - and I legitimately couldn't read. The words all became letters, and they were all out of order and in other languages and my hot eyes couldn't read them. I hallucinated my way to the doctor's office and I never want to do that again. So reading books is my test. Not only is it distracting, but it tells me when I am getting bad enough that I need to have someone take me to a clinic. I also take my temperature A lot, because I don't trust that 104. Thermometers and reading books.

Today has been a REALLY COOL DAY, if you want to know.

I'm not even sure I could write; my fingers feel like glue. My brain feels like bananas. I don't think I want to try. Even starting up FF8 is somehow daunting.

THIS IS THE BEST VACATION
seventhe: (Coffee: I Own You)
Blood test results: my vitamin D levels are still low.

I am back on SHOCKER PILLS for the next FOUR MONTHS.

Body, we've been over this. WORK WITH ME HERE. We've got three medical strikes against us in terms of being able to function like every other human being on the planet: (1) you don't absorb normal vitamins at all; (2) you're much more sensitive and your inner workings are much more horribly affected by low levels of some chemicals than most people; and now, (3), even taking the second-highest dose available at the drugstore APPARENTLY ISN'T ENOUGH TO KEEP MY BLOOD CHEMISTRY LEVELS IN A NORMAL OPERATING RANGE. fffffffffffffffffffffffff bodies why.

(at least this explains why I have been the biggest lump on the dumbest log recently. :/ )
seventhe: (Auron: I'd hit that)
So I injured my left calf (inner lower leg and inner ankle area, to be both specific and general) while training for the Pittsburgh Half Marathon. I realized sometime the week of 25 April; the week of 3 May I made the decision to stop training in order to make it to the Half. I ran twice after that decision: once on 8 May when I raced a 5K, and once on 15 May when I ran the actual half. Since then, I haven't run at all. Not only have I been too busy with life and kittens, but I also really just wanted to heal up whatever had hurt itself during my training.

This week Tuesday I decided to go out for a nice easy run to get back into things. And I could immediately feel the injury. I ran ~3 miles, and it was brutal for a lot of reasons - heat, allergies, asthma - but underneath all of it was the growing concern that this injury hasn't gone away. That's 6 weeks off of training, and almost 4 off of running entirely. That's enough that I got worries about it. So today I went to my doctor to talk about it.

He thinks I might have a stress fracture! Or tendonitis. Or a stress fracture with tendonitis.

I had to go get x-rays! That was fun. And expensive. :/

I am on anti-inflammatory drugs! For at least a month if not two! I can't drink on them! Balls.

I will seriously kick my own ass if I ran a half marathon on a stress fracture without knowing. I will kick my own ass with my good leg.

GDI.

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