seventhe: (Ondore: he lies)
This has been a particularly busy and interesting day. I had one simple checkup this morning but it blossomed into an all-day medical ~extravaganza~ ( /rupaul voice) that I'm simultaneously hopeful about, exhausted from, and dreading the slew of medical bills.

Today I had a checkup and discussion with my pain doctor, went to get a slew of x-rays on my lumbar spine and sacroiliac joint, went to my general doctor, got a major new prescription, and am having like a dozen blood tests done tomorrow. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. When I do something I do it thoroughly. I hope today results in some answers.

cut for medical talk )
seventhe: (FFEX: In the shadows)
I don't know what it is about being alone that makes me want to clean -- not just clean, I guess, but organize: re-organize, re-do. Unfuck. I really don't know why this mood can't hit me more often, and what it is about somebody else in the house that just mental-blocks me from having the motivation to go through the year's bills and sort them -- which is what I'm doing, with assistance from the world's floofiest and "most unloved" cat -- but there's something there. Who knows! I've got Ellie Goulding on and I'm sorting through things in my room and on my desk and feeling awesomely productive. My goal is to have my desk totally revamped and my computer set up by the time Becky gets back. We'll see.

solitude... and no plans... makes a Sev very happy.

The snap, crackle, and pop is brought to you by my lungs: that's the noise they're making every time I breathe in and breathe out. It's quite foul. And scary. Enough people have told me that I look/sound horrible and that I'm going to end up in the hospital soon that... I think I'm deluding myself as to how sick I actually am, just because other parts of me feel "okay".

I'm spending this entire weekend inside, and will be spending much of it in bed or otherwise resting -- today's spurt of activity surely won't last, and I really, really, really want to be over this by Monday.

So I'm spending a weekend alone in my apartment, being productive and resting in equal measure.

This is awesome. Yay introvert's happiness level.
seventhe: (Cats: I LIKE THEM)
Since I am apparently incapable of keeping track of anything unless I write it online in this journal, I got me a flu shot today.

Countdown to when I get sick again starting in 5.. 4..

edit: IT FEELS LIKE SOMEBODY PUNCHED ME REPEATEDLY IN THE SHOULDER. FUCK.
seventhe: (Life: stress out and die)
There are some days I'm really glad I keep a journal; today is one of those days.

a history of my medical woes this year as told by my blog )

It's now 8 October. My neck/back/shoulders have been bothering me since mid-June, and I've been on a variety of medications pretty much constantly - and unable to consistently work out at all - since mid-August. And I've had bronchitis for 4 weeks straight. Holy fucking shit, no wonder I have been so depressed lately. :/

I've more or less come to terms with the fact that I've got a horribly underperforming compromised immune system; I get sick more than my peers, and it sucks, but after 30 years of it, I can more or less deal. What I hate about my body is when it does this slippery-slope bullshit, this cascading series of one fucking thing after another, when I'm constantly in pain for three months running (with no end in sight) and things just continue to hit and bombard me and it's like the second I get over one thing another has been incubating and just waiting for a moment of weakness to strike. I feel so unhealthy and gross -- not only because I am literally unhealthy, but because without being able to work out at all, my body just feels useless and horrible and flabby-lumpy in addition to being in large amounts of pain and flu-achy and generally grumpy.

It's seriously depressing. And I know depression is a wily beast - I've fought her before - but it puts me in the foulest fucking moods out of absolutely nowhere. I'll start coughing or I'll sneeze and I'm reminded that I haven't felt even close to 100% in like three months and suddenly all I want to do is crawl into my bed with a cat and not come out for sixteen consecutive hours days. I end up summoning the irrational RAGE BEAST on people who don't even really deserve it, because everything fucking irritates me and I'm so frustrated at my body and my weakness and myself that I just fucking snap.

I know that being on different medications for ~8 weeks running probably isn't doing my blood chemistry any good, really. And today at lunch I'm going back to the CVS clinic to have them check out this lingering cough, and if they say I'm still sick, I'll take the afternoon off. I feel like I haven't given myself enough rest -- but at the same time I feel like I've missed so much work lately for PT and dentist appointments and afternoons where Dave kicks me out of the lab because I'm still coughing bronchitis everywhere, so how the fuck am I not better yet?

Whine whine whine J F C.

Off to go attempt to cheer myself up.
seventhe: (chocobo: hey bb)
1. Hilariously, even though I've been going to PT for 4 weeks now, it has just yesterday processed through my insurance, so that I can see how much this costs.

2. Each trip to PT costs me ~$50.

3. I've been going twice a week.

4. I kind of can't afford to keep doing that for too much longer.

5. I've at least hit my deductible for the year :/

6. Won't know how the deductible changes the costs until the next batch of sessions ring up ...probably like a month from now because that's fair

7. I swear to god there will be one year I am healthy enough to NOT hit my deductible

8. ...yeah right

9. I'm going to go cry into my coffee now.

10. laterz


(edit) 11. Is crossposting busted??
seventhe: (Tifa: bad)
My body's still busted up.

I've been fighting bronchitis for two weeks now. Some of it is my fault: I came down with it the week the Japanese Overlords were here, so I really didn't want to take sick time off of work and leave my discussions and presentations to someone else; I ended up just taking a lot of drugs and cough drops. I'm also dumb because I continued to run and work out for the first week because I don't like admitting defeat to my own body. When it didn't start to clear up on its own I went to a CVS MinuteClinic and got me some drugs for it, but I think working/working out through it has aggravated it and made it worse. That's mostly my own stupidity, and I probably deserve it, but the bronchitis just had particularly bad timing this year.

I haven't done any kind of cardio (running, swimming, or elliptical) in a week, and I haven't even done weights since last Friday. I've also been sleeping like a goddamned fiend - last Thursday I took the afternoon off sick, took a 4-hour nap, got up and ate and read a little, and basically went back to bed and slept for 10 hours - so it isn't like my body doesn't know something's wrong. I pretty much slept away the entire fucking weekend. At this point I'll probably just rest right on through to the Marathon Relay on Saturday, other than PT today. It's going to be a pretty horrible race for me. :/ I'm sure it will be fun hanging out with everyone, but I'm really just not looking forward to the running bit.

PT doesn't seem to be doing much yet. Every time I seem to think things are improving, it then gets worse. I know from experience that this unidentified friend in my neck works in horrible synergy with the rest of me - so when I'm sick, or when I have really bad insomnia, it's way worse - so for now I don't know whether my bronchitis is compounding the issue by way of general aches and pains, or if it's actually worsening. I just -- I thought PT was supposed to provide some kind of relief (as well as fixing what's broke)? Other than the traction machine (which I may actually propose to) it doesn't really seem to do much in terms of relief.

I just get really depressed when I constantly feel like shit. (surprise, feeling like shit makes you feel like shit?)

I'm really ready to not be coughing and dizzy all the time, and I'm super ready to not have constant pain in my neck/shoulders/back. :/

In marginally less whiny news:
  • I've contacted my advisor, I'm trying to pick up my literature search again, and I'll hopefully talk to her and go to some group meetings this month :/ (file under: other things I am not excited about)

  • This weekend I somehow managed to pull together a decently respectable Terra costume for NYCC. There's still plenty of things which can be done with it, but it's more or less going a lot better than I expected. It would be nice to have one 'constant' cosplay that I can wear wherever. (file under: upcoming nyc drunk vacation)

  • I'm almost finished with a stupid scarf I've been working on for like a year (I lost the pattern okay .___. ) and I have lots of epic plans for scarves and cowls and hats and fun things to knit for the winter. (file under: things i will not end up doing)

  • Work is somewhat in a lull right now, which is both nice and epically worrisome. No further developments there right now.



I'm trying to at least enjoy the weather. Autumn is my favorite season, and I love that it's colder out. I love the way the air smells, and I love the colors that are coming out. I just wish I felt better to enjoy it. :/

[edit] also I dyed my hair red. and that's really about it.
seventhe: (Rydia: whyt)
Sorry, I have been dead as doors lately. I got hit with one of those horrible whirlwind illness attacks I get sometimes, because my body is a failure and I lack a complete functioning immune system. In fact, it's my own complete trash compactor disaster of an immune system that's broken this time; I have an infection in my lymph nodes. I'm on a new antibiotic so stay tuned to see what sort of fun games I'm going to have with the side effects this time (previous records include unexpected unconsciousness, nausea, hallucinations, and being able to feel my own kidneys).

I was all excited about my new gym and Fitocracy and then this happened. Cool work, body. Tomorrow morning before I leave I'm hoping to get in at least an easy run if nothing else; I've had to take this week off so far completely (because I don't think it's recommended to run 5 miles with a fever of ~102) and the Relay is in a month and man, I'm gonna suck at it.

Work has not calmed down. It has gotten worse. We used to only have to meet with the Japanese Overlords twice a year, May and November, which was nice - preparation for these meetings can take a full week in itself, gathering data and making slides and remaking slides and sending your draft to the Overlords and then updating it based on eight peoples' suggestions, and now we're apparently doing this quarterly. It's supposed to just be a Project Review but the Overlords are all coming over here and their expectations are basically just like the (former) biannual meetings and it's just getting ridiculous. Basically this means that a full four months out of my year at this point are spent doing nothing but slides and emails and presentations and meetings and pre-meeting meetings and post-meeting meetings, rather than just two, and ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm so tired of my life

Went to physical therapy on Tuesday and as expected it felt kind of bullshitty. I'm not saying it's a waste because I know it isn't, really, but the guy gave me like two exercises to do on my neck and if stretching could fix this shit it would be fixed already because I actually stretch my neck out this way a lot, but hey, sure, I'll give it a try and maybe the $$$$ that I'm paying for PT will make it magically work this time. I don't mean to be so down on PT but it just doesn't seem helpful. I am a skeptical cynical fuck and I have no idea how this tiny shit is actually going to help the problem. I seriously feel like I should stop throwing money down the gigantic toilet of chiropractors and PT and instead just buy a goddamned shoulder massage every two weeks. It would be cheaper than all of this crap.

On the plus side, the August Chocobo Races will be ending soon, and this first month was fucking awesome. There are already 14 works and I'm hoping maybe a couple more will slip in under the wire. Plus, I actually wrote for it, which is amazing because I haven't been able to really write in months, but I managed to spin out some Lightning/Snow/Serah that's more of an idea and may spawn 20,000 words of its own if I can ever find my motivation again.

I think I left it in the box of wine

Anyway there is a lot of awesome small fandom and overlooked character work in there, and I am loving it. Next month's theme is going to be soooooo awesome I am super stoked for it >.>

What else do I do

OH YEAH I have been replaying FFVI in small-ish chunks. I've been reminded of a bunch of things I love about this game, and I have to admit that the story ideas at least are flowing madly. I've been mostly talking about it on Twitter, although this week I was way too sick to actually play and type on my phone at the same time. By the way, the World of Ruin and Kefka's Light of Judgment are mad fucking trippy when you're already hallucinating from fever. There were little colored worms at the edges of my vision and when the screen flashed it felt pretty damn strange I put the DS down shortly after that and just went to bed because it can't really be good but in retrospect it's kind of hilarious.

So yeah, that has been most of my week.
seventhe: (Quistis/Rydia: Yeah I Ship It)
#1: I have arthritis, at 30. It's what broke my toes off earlier this year; it's part of what's causing my neck problems, as it has moved into my spine. I'm 30. With arthritis. In my spine.

#1.5: I'm currently having anxiety attacks over whether this is rheumatoid arthritis; I haven't gotten the blood test yet, but i have other symptoms too (constant inflammation of tendons on equal sides of my body, constant pain/ache, etc); an autoimmune disease would explain why my body has never actually worked correctly, and I'm terrified that that's going to be it. I hate self-diagnosers so I'm trying to ignore it, but it isn't working.

#2: One of the fundamental reasons I work out - including weight lifting - is because it can prevent the osteopenia that hit my mum at an incredibly young age and the osteoporosis that is tearing my gramma apart.

#3: Lifting heavy weights is the most efficient way to weight train. Heavy weights, few reps >> little weights, lots of reps in terms of efficiency, bone strengthening, muscle gains, etc.

#4: Heavy lifting and high impact activities are probably what's aggravating my arthritis so badly.

#5: I don't like having to choose between arthritis at 30 and osteopenia at 40. I don't want either.

#6: I guess maybe this is a good time to try that gym with the pool.

#7: physical therapy is expensive, I don't want to do it, and I don't need another thing taking up my already limited time. However, I would like to not be in high levels of pain every day.

#8: Ugh.

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Page generated Sep. 23rd, 2017 09:25 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags