Welcome

May. 3rd, 2020 08:31 am
seventhe: (Rydia: shine)
Hi, this is Sev Dragomire, please leave a message if you want to be friends.

About
Sev is an incredibly awesome lady who is technically in her thirties but - as her friends will tell you - is actually a 75-year-old hobo grandmother who likes brandy, knitting, cats, complaining about people, and being tactless. She's a chemical engineer & polymer scientist by training, who currently works (too much) running a research-and-development scale pilot plant: her job is exhausting and horrible and unfortunately a keen fit for her skills and needs, which she finds very disappointing. She is a reasonably antisocial introvert who enjoys sharp, clever, meaningful friendships that function mostly online (to allow her antisocial introvert agoraphobia free reign).

Her health is poor; she suffers from fibromyalgia, widespread arthritis, asthma, depression, anxiety, and a broke-ass immune system whose favorite hobby is picking up flus and diseases from anywhere and slamming them down her throat for days at a time.

She loves her family, especially her two nieces, very much. She is currently in an It's Complicated with a very nice Someone.

Sevdrag is owned by three cats. Speaking with Sev is somewhat like trying to converse with your 75-year-old drunk grandmother who is just learning how to text.

This Blog

Posts here meet one or more of the following criteria:

  • Archiving the difficulties of living with fibro

  • Venting about The Job

  • liveblogging depression & anxiety

  • health-related thoughts (mental & physical)

  • Sharing writing ideas, projects, and work - ideally actual written words

  • drunken shitposting

  • thoughts on video games, books, movies, TV

  • personal updates & journal entries

  • idle thoughts on other stuff

  • drunken shitpostsing with friends
seventhe: (Quistis: smile)

so in addition to my commissions (which are, yes, still coming) i've taken on some content writing work for with two different clients. It's easy stuff, for reasonable amounts of money - not a survivable income yet, but making enough for me to slide along until 01 May - and while some of it can be fun, i'm realizing that i don't want to be an online content writer for money.

no, it isn't meant to be interesting work. and there's a certain -- not pleasure, but the sense of having gained a skill, i guess, to be helping my brain learn how to do dumb work for money. if you all remember, i was severely overinvested in my career to the point where it was used abusively against me, so there's a good lesson for my head to learn on how to be detached.

but it isn't what i want the sabbatical to be like. i want my sabbatical to be writing, working on my own original fiction, building an audience in fandom, trying to actually go for it before i have to turn back and find a corporate job again.

it's funny cause i fucked up my money and that's why im here, pumping out silly 500 word articles for bit cash, so it isn't a complaint, more an awareness. I need the cash, but it also takes up so much of my time?

i feel like there are stories in me, stories i can tell, stories that would sell, and i want to reach for that - jump for it, have nothing to do all day except let words come out; i feel like i really could do it if i could settle down (and defeat ADHD and executive dysfunction, and depression, and my dumb body, of course) and have a month or two to really bang it out. in november i wrote 57K in 10 days because i did nothing else. i can do that.

anyway for now lol i need paid so i'm off to write some really ridiculous stuff, yay

seventhe: Sev plays FFIII. (Oh. Okay.) (Refia: oh. okay.)

So I’ve been trying to get! My! Shit! Together! and it’s going about as well as you might think.

I’m functionally broke until 01 May, so I’ve spent a lot of time looking for online word jobs. Got two in my pocket; neither one is sustainable long-term, but any cash is good right now. Still working on commissions, even though it doesn’t look like it; I’m constantly writing these days while trying to avoid The Burnout.

Had the realization the other day that I took this break not so I could flail around doing piecemeal writing on the internet, but so that I could actually recover and get my house back and lose weight and stuff. So I’m trying to stick chunks of that work into the schedule as well. (I swear I’m going to try to swim today! Where by try i mean “try to make myself go to the pool”; i never forget how to swim.) That’s hard too, since then it takes up time where my brain is like you should be writing but. Hey. W h a t e v e r.

I’ve been having fun, though, too. Crown Royal and I have been hiking every weekend; we did a bit over 4 miles this weekend, and my asthma hates hills, but it was nice. Did a drinking-night rewatch of Winter Soldier last night with a handful of friends from my accidental MCU Discord, which was freaking hilarious. Lots of capslock, ranting, and swooning. It isn’t all stress.

Sometimes i wonder how i can be such a fuckin waste of space all the time lol

seventhe: (SAZH)
Time to catch up and share here; I’ve finished my first four commissions :)

“Fic” )

The Commissions list is, in order, as follows:

1. Queenlua
2. Elynehil
3. Sepdet
4. Rina
5. Flonnebonne
6. Clintobarto
7. Kebarnett88
8. RainDriesOut
9. Give Her The Strap
10. Awheckery
11. Mispelheim

This sets me up for ALMOST 50K STILL TO WRITE, based on the tiers requested and the knowledge that for me to tell a story I’m always gonna hit the top end of expected word count, which is a fuck load of words okay. It’s hella fun, but it means I’m gonna need to close commissions 01 April (tomorrow), until I get caught up on some of the longer ones.

Writing for pay (both commissions and professionally) has been interesting. It’s something I need to better schedule and balance; I’d like to be able to work on paid writing, fan fiction, original fiction, and personal/professional blogging all at once, on a sort of schedule. I’ll need to work that out moving forward.

Thanks again to anybody who’s helping me out right now, and you’ve got a day to slip in a comm if you want one :P
seventhe: (Cecil: +100 for COCK)

Updating from the iPad is hilarious because, of course, it has autocorrect for me, and it capitalizes random things when usually if i’m Writing a blog entry i just dont capitalize it unless it’s important. See? What the hell is with you, you idiot.

My sabbatical is reaching a new phase, which makes me sad, because i feel like i’m still crawling out of the Anxiety, Depression, And Physical Damage Black Hole that i dug over 5 years, and i’ve had like, 3 months, and like the busiest 3 months to take off (Dec/Jan/Feb) and even though I’ve spent a fair number of days just reading fanfiction and eating, like, mangoes, i still know i’m not healed, and in no way ready to go back to a full-time challenging job. I keep bemoaning everything and friends always gently remind me that this is a recovery process and I am allowed to self-care and heal how I need, but i’m always feeling like i am simultaneously doing too much and too little.

Commissions are going really well!! I’ve a list of about 12 to do, which I’m always working on in the background, and it’s helpful money to tide me through until 01 May.

I’m also making some money writing (mostly accounting / economics / business stuff so far) blog content for someone a friend hooked me up with, which is some more reliable income, thankfully.

I’m also taking the steps to line up going back to the same company, as a contractor, to work part-time on an engineering project (with a concrete deadline); I’m hella not excited about going back to engineering right now, but I also owe it to myself to try this and see whether I like doing part-time contract engineering. I might enjoy it, in which case, I’ve got a lot of opportunities and a reasonable income that would support me on 16-24 hours a week. And if I don’t, I know I gotta start looking into a different career, so shrug throws self in ravine

The thing is when i ask myself what i want to do with my life i’m usually asking when I’m like, tired as fuck or having a flare up or something, and the answer is always “sleep for eight days” or “remove my spine from my body”

Anyway, those are the haps. I’ve a bunch of shitposting I’m NOT going to forget about, y’all, and I’ll be posting links to the new things I’ve written in a bit. And commissions are still open, for anyone who’s interested - I’m keeping them open at least until 01 April, probably until 01 May, although I’m now going to be taking them on a rolling basis so that I don’t get backed up.

Ugh I’m just exhausted cause I’m babysitting niece 3 and she didnt want to eat or sleep today and i just got her to sleep and i want to put my head down on this table, like, how do people have actual kids

seventhe: (Laguna: I lost my moomba)
tabbing through my own notes on inventory to write a paid piece

+

Discord chat about my latest lesbian porn

+

Telegram chat re: a friend’s dog

+

Regular texting about more writing

+

Switching between the paid work and my OTHER paid commission work

+

Didn’t eat until 1600 today

+

i am in fact wearing pants????

+

Potato yelling sadly in the distance because he’s lost in the damn house again
seventhe: Rydia (Rydia)
I’ve just been a bit caught up in my budget & my house, but don’t worry, I’ll be back to yell at you soon. On my way to my brother’s to babysit baby niece #3 while he’s out of town so that sister-in-law doesn’t die of children <3 why is life busy ugh
seventhe: (Default)
Adorable cat on bed with advertising



Please help spread the word, here or tumblr (or twitter i guess if u have it and use it which I dont). I just need a bit extra to cover the cost of my meds since I haven’t hit my deductible yet. I’m cheap, I’m easy, and I’m ready to write!
seventhe: (Default)
Buckle up, chucklefucks: it’s Sev, and I’m accidentally broke until April, so I’m offering fanfic commissions (and taking donations!) until I’m back on my feet.

  • Accepting: now until 01 April 2019

  • Completing: now until 01 May 2019 (unless someone requests a monster)

For the curious, here’s how I write: seventhe / sevdrag @ AO3

I’ll be posting these on AO3, and linking back on Tumblr and DW. Delivery will be within 1-2 weeks unless something goes majorly wrong, at which point I’ll let y’all know cause this is just fanfiction the world ain’t gonna end okay

Basic pricing scheme:
  • Donate between $1 and $5 (buy me a Starbucks!) and you’ll get an incredibly bad doodle of anything you want.

  • $5: 500-1000 words

  • $10: 1000-1500 words

  • $15: 1500-2000 words

  • $20: 2000-3000 words

  • $25: 3000-4000 words

  • $30: 4000-5000 words

  • $50: 5000+ words, let's discuss

  • Requests for these: a character/relationship + a prompt, concept, or 1-2 sentences on what you’re thinking; longer fics may have longer prompts

  • Ratings up to R but no explicit smut


Bonus pricing scheme:


  • for $10 I will write you or an OC in a dumpster with Clint Barton and Wade Wilson

  • $15 gets you a mock article on any subject you like

  • $20 gets you a “5 Times (+1 Time)” prompt

  • $25 gets you the smut, length to be decided by the porn

  • $37 exactly will get you a great take on any fanfic trope of your choice landing right around 5000 words


Fandoms etc )

I’m not offering this because I think fanfiction should be paid for - when I’m in a good position, I’m happy to write prompts for free! - I’m asking because I’m in a cash downswing, and really hoping people like my stuff enough to help me out a bit. I’m not asking for straight donations — I’m offering something in exchange. If you can’t help, share the link or reblog, please! I love you all.

To request, reply here or on Tumblr, and I'll hit you up to negotiate details.
seventhe: (Quistis: Bad Day)

[personal profile] alatefeline left me some prompts and i’ve Already told y’all the story of the fucking faucet so that will count a s my rant for plumbing. Let’s get this

And today instead of RANTING i’m Going to tell you a hilarious story about my brother and food coloring so buckle up chucklefucks

SOOOOOoooo backstory: my brother and I grew up reading a lot of Calvin & Hobbes cause my gramma and grandpa had a bunch of the (books? Collections?) things, and we’d read and re read them the way you do when you get bored at your grandparents’ house. Right

So one day we’re eating dinner and mum has made like, meatloaf and mashed potatoes i think? And shes serving everybody and out of nowhere my brother says, “Can you make my mashed potatoes green?”

Cue mum: “Wha” ????

My brother: “You know how in Calvin & Hobbes their dinner is always green mush on a plate. I want mine to look like green mush on a plate like Calvin & Hobbes.”

And so my mum says, “Well, we can add some food coloring if you want, but it’s going to look very gross. You have to promise you’re going to eat it.”

Bro: “Well duh, it’s still mashed potatoes, I just want them green”

So mum gets the food coloring and they proceed to dye my brother’s serving of mashed potatoes a terrible looking green and he’s loving it like the lil dork he is and dad and i are just kind of peanut gallery eating meatloaf in the background or something idk.

Dinner’s served. And after about two fucking bites, my brother says, “I don’t think I can eat this.”

Mum: “It’s still mashed potatoes. They’re just green. You literally asked for this”

Bro: “yeah but its gross”

Mum: “we literally just talked about this”

Bro: “yeah but its gross”

So yeah even after ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THEY WERE STILL FUCKING MASHED POTATOES, and ADDING THE FOOD COLORING HIMSELF, it turns out my bro couldn’t eat the green mush on a plate. We threw it out and he got new normal colored mashed potatoes and we laughed at him for, well, the rest of his life i guess

And the moral of this story is: green eggs and ham is a bad sell, but regular eggs and ham is delicious. NEXT

seventhe: (Kain: Dragoons Do It From Above)

[personal profile] alwaysbeenasmiler has provided this prompt, which is delivered with no edits other than autocorrect

And honestly i have MIXED FEELINGS on this little FUCKER cause on one hand I’m like WHINE MORE EMO BOI and on the other hand I’m like but you are fun to play with in fanfiction so it’s like, as MULTI DIRECTIONAL RANT okay

Cause the charaCter that we see is REALLY CLOSE to just being a WHINY BRO about shit like HEY LETS KILL THIS KID CAUSE WE GOT ORDERS and I WANNA BE THE BIGGER BADASS, CECIL, LEMME BE THE BIGGER BADASS FOR ONCE and then at the end hes like oh no my tragic past will alWAYS HAUNT ME I’m gonna stay on this dumb ass mountain and be a wanker which is just like wow GET OVER YOURSELF it is not alL ABOUT YOU (the i dont deserve forgiveness plotline is a real iffy one wiht me; if done right it’s awesome but wow does it get done poorly at whole lot) )(then again I’m a sociopath who will always forgive me cause I’m always right so) (moviNG ON)

But in contrast most of what we see of Kain is him getting an UNHOLY MINDFFUCK at the hands of a GUY WHOS ALSO MINDFUCKED so its really like DOUBLE RAINBOW MINDFUCK there adn thats like well???? I guess i cant blame you ??? I mean i also have the urge daily to fuck off to a mountaintop and speak to no one but that’s because i hate people and cant be assed; but maybe the DOUBLE DECKER MINDFUCKERY makes you hate ppl too?? and that’s the FUN PART TO PLAU WITH IN WRITING cause like what does a DOUBLE PEPPERONI MINDFUCK really do to you? CAN I POKE IT WITH A STICK

The thing with Rosa too is like OKAY i think by the end of the game its p clear that Kain has seen Rosa as ...an object, almost, not really an objec t but this unatTAINABLE GOAL that is HIGH ON ITS PEDESTAL and sure i believe his love for her was real but like what part of the “I KIDNAP U AND SHUT U IN THIS TOWER” is done from love and selfishness and which si the MINDFUCK CUPCAKE WITH MINDFUCK ICING AND A LIL MINDFUCK ON TOP cause I’m p sure that’s the first kind of emotion i’d Go manipulate if i were an evil giant dick brain guy on the moon????

Any7way i think my feeligns for his character differ GREATLY whether you subscribe to the mailing list of “mind control let Kain be his true self” vs “mind control is a bitch yo” AND THAT’S THE HAPS, YALL

seventhe: (SAZH)
Seeing this showing up around here and as I am a huge fan of the shitposting and tend to do so myself, here’s a fun game we can play

Give me a topic or two in a comment and i will (drunkenly) rant an entry for you on it. Because why not.
seventhe: (SAZH)

Are you ready for this? Cause buckle up, chucklefucks, I’m about to tell you the fuckin’ comedy of errors that was my life last week.

Spoiler: this was only supposed to be about a faucet.

Background:

  • my old faucet dripped. It was a small drip, and I got into the habit of leaving a pitcher underneath when I went to work, and then using the water for my plants, which I personally thought was a great fuckin’ idea. I want to redo the entire kitchen in the next year or two, so my mindset has been basically “live with it now, fix it later.”
  • my mother, on the other hand, just could not get over the goddamn fact that a faucet somewhere three hours away from her own kitchen, in a different state, was occasionally dripping. This should tell you a lot about my mother.
  • so it turns out that I get a new faucet for Christmas. Just a plan, average, nothing-exciting faucet. Mum was so pleased with herself. She thought it was hilarious. Spoiler: it was not.
  • My husband (Crown Royal himself) and I don’t live together, but he does me a lot of favors around the house when I have fibro days.
  • My husband is incapable of stopping at anything less than what HE considers perfect.
  • My husband, Crown Royal himself, is almost as much of a disaster as I am.

Story: “Here.” )

Huh

Jan. 25th, 2019 11:51 am
seventhe: (Rosa/Rydia: got your back)
This is healing, then: sitting on the chaise, surrounded by the purrs of cats - playing with each other, batting at each other, fighting over who gets to sit with me on the blanket and staring out the windows - and watching my birds and my backyard, snow on the trees, snow on the ground, sun in the air; reading what i can get my hands on and touching soft fur and refinding the little pieces of myself that stress broke and hid and lost.

I just felt one settle back in. This isn’t lazy, this isn’t wasted time: this is healing.

Huh.

Thinking

Jan. 9th, 2019 11:37 am
seventhe: (SAZH)

I think winter is quickly becoming my second favorite season of the year. Nothing beats out fall, of course, but winter’s just so beautiful here in the Feymarch. It’s snowing right now, and my backyard is just so gorgeous I keep losing track of what I’m doing to just stare out into the woods.

Also I’m happier in cold than I am in any kind of heat. One of my favorite things lately is bundling up and going to walk trails in the snow. It’s fuckin winter so nobody’s ever out, and I get some lovely photos before the cold eats my iPhone battery and I have to admit defeat. There’s something incredibly profound and peaceful about a walk in winter where it’s silent except for the sound of snow falling. There’s a sound to it; it’s lovely.

This sabbatical is great. I’m still sitting on enough money that I can take it slow, and I’ve been loving it. I’m actually writing; I’m being creative, coming up with ideas; I’m excited about professional branding and reaching out and new opportunities. I don’t remember the last time I was excited to work. That’s huge.

I should probably re-up my DW — I didn’t do it, to save money, but the blogging is kind of important , and it isn’t all that much anyway.

seventhe: (SAZH)
Here we are again, same shit day, same shit station. Holidays always go by like a goddamn wrecking ball, like a train off the tracks, where all i can really do is hang on, but this year - because so much of my brain is still tied up in the fact that I actually quit my job, well, I don’t even know what happened this year what the fuck. 2018 has lasted for a decade and then December was like blink and you’ll miss it? And i did? Jesus Christ McGod, what the hell.

I’ve been more active on Tumblr recently even though Tumblr is evil incarnate and, also, dying, because my brain has basically been in constant shitposting mode, and as much as I flail around in here sometimes, Tumblr is made for shitposting the end. I’m sevdrag there, feel free to follow if you haven’t already, and watch as I slowly implode into a waste of space and brandy.

I have plans for this place this year, but I’m just now finding the space to really think about what I want to DO now that I am, you know, le hobo, so I’ll leave it at “post more” and see what happens.

On a final note, if you’d like to see what happens when I join an exchange for my favorite trash pairing and write 50K in 10 days, knock yourself out. Hi Avengers fandom, I hate you.


Nearsighted; Farsighted (57817 words) by sevdrag
Chapters: 9/9
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Peggy Carter, Thor (Marvel), Phil Coulson, Red Skull
Additional Tags: Winterhawk Fic Exchange, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Deaf Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Alternate Universe - Criminal Minds Setting, Alternate Universe, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, Brandy - Freeform
Series: Part 1 of Farsighted
Summary:

A set of suspicious murders has Chief of Police Carter calling in Section Chief Coulson from the BAU to help them catch what might be a serial killer. As good as Detectives Rogers and Barnes are, they'll need help if they want to catch the unsub the press are calling Red Skull, a killer whose motives need to be evaluated close-up as well as from a distance. Barnes, especially - who doesn't like help and doesn't like people - might be surprised by the way this case unfolds, if he can manage to work with SSAs Romanoff and Barton long enough to find some answers.

yep, it's the Avengers in a Criminal Minds AU, brace yourself. Clint and Bucky stumble against a unique case, a ruthless killer, and a set of skills that shouldn't match up as well as they do. For the Winterhawk fic exchange, 2018, the year I threw myself into the fireplace for love of this stupid pairing.

seventhe: trowasfacewhen.com (Trowa: OH NO)
heyyyoooo I need distraction from my winterhawk fic so leave me a Prompt and I will write you Three Sentences! My brain is in Avengers fandom rn but I do still do all my old fandoms so hey just to do the thing and amuse me XD
seventhe: (Cecil: +100 for COCK)
yes i am, in fact, writing assorted garbage this year for Nanowrimo. So far I’ve written 3208 words, far behind my actual target of 5000 words, but i’m making the words and putting them in the appropriate bins so far, and seeing how 2018 has just been a year of tragedy and garbage as far as my life is concerned, this is a step up for me. Progress! Three days in a row! If i can make a week, i’ll buy myself a pony.

That’s a lie, I’m about to be unemployed!

(Still promising more details later)

Right now it’s a quiet Saturday and Mike’s asleep on the couch, and I’m about to go make myself something to eat and look at my chores list.
seventhe: (Edge/Rydia: no return)

it's been incredibly busy here, since the Coven Weekend and when my niece was born, and let me tell you, it isn't gonna lighten up for a whiiiiiiile. i'm doing work on the house, i'm having visitors and birthdays, and preparing to host holidays, all while trying to just chill the fuck out and recover the house one step at a time.

  • last weekend: in buffalo ny to pick up my parents' old fridge (they redid the kitchen and had to buy a smaller one, but their old one isn't really old, and it's nice, and husband has a truck, so yeah: bad life choice. moving a HUGE fridge around is fucking hard and fucking stupid, but hey, we did it and i have it now)
  • this weekend: driving to Pgh to pick up niece J for her birthday weekend with auntie sev; it's a thing i do for them every year once they're like 3
  • next weekend: i finally get to see my KATY and also i'm having new furniture delivered lollllll
  • next wknd: driving out to Pgh for josie's actual birthday party
  • next wknds: "free" for end oct and early nov, but free actually means getting the furniture set up and everything scrubbed and rearranged because
  • thanksgiving: i'm hosting MY family thursday, then mum&dad and the two older girls will stay for the wknd, and hosting mike's family on saturday since they've actually never been to my house. i'm actually V EXCITED for this because i love hosting parties!!!, but also jesus the preparation required. we will have very simple meals.
  • after thanksgiving: niece K's birthday weekend
  • then: it's the christmas end of year holidays time where i just want to vanish and die

so this is how i will end 2018, crying and dead.

IN DIFFERENT NEWS, i have tentatively started writing things again in the background of my life, although most of it is trashfuck, but right now the things i'm poking at are all dumb avengers stuff but hey it's words and i like it:

  • natasha-centric fic exploring all the weird natasha/bruce scenes in Ultron in a different/better light cause fuck that movie and fuck fandom, but i love natasha's brainspace so it's also about her relationships with clint and steve and how she learns to trust people
  • an actual garbage fic where the avengers are GHOST HUNTERS and coulson/clint/natasha are the team and they have a nice popular show but then tony gets the idea to make season 4 a documentary called "The Ghosts Of Captain America" and we have serious feels vs dumb shenanigans. this is the worst idea but it's likely to be my nano project????? death
  • i also have to acknowledge the true garbage dump RP with [community profile] drakonlily even though it's trash because it's now like 2500 words of clint barton and wade wilson shoving things up their ass

what else? i'm still off my mobile games; i'm starting to miss them, so hopefully i'll get interested again, because i've put a lot of time into those games (but then again, sunk cost fallacy) -- i need to remember to play for fun and not because i must check the login box daily

ummmmmmmmm that's really all the update i have for now, although i do have some bangin new music i'll try to share as well. SUP YALL

yay

Sep. 14th, 2018 12:52 pm
seventhe: (Edge/Kain)

i have not died. i am, sadly, still here. i have been super busy with things both planned (Coven Weekend over Labor Day, yay!) and unplanned (new furnace/AC, $5K, "yay") and somewhat planned but out of my control (i have a new niece, yay! that makes three!) and with all of it going on i slipped downward in one of my usual "i am overstimulated, this has been too many people and too many things happening" depression spirals, the bottom of said barrel having hit wednesday of this week: so at least i'm on my way back up now.

my depression sneaks up on me like that, when i'm doing too much and yet not enough (i have 5 loads of laundry to do and that isn't even linens! yay!), but when it hits it's very familiar and recognizable. oh: it's you again. i acknowledge it, i respect it, i sit with it and in it and i vaguely hate, and then i try to move on the next day. it's the only way i can deal, and it usually works.

a part of this particular crash is that i've stopped playing all of my mobile games - all of them, yes. i probably haven't even logged in in 2 weeks. usually it's a comfort to play a bit and give my mind a break, but for whatever reason that's the switch that flipped that time, and i found myself morbidly uninterested in doing anything with them. so, no mobile game mondays, although they'll come back; it'll slowly come back, cause they're fun as hell, it's just one ladder to climb out of this hole.

i had also stalled with music, wanting something repetitive and comforting, so i listened to like two albums over and over again for 4 weeks running. again: hi, it's depression. i've been branching out again lately so i know that bit's coming back too.

that's the hardest part about the downward spiral for me: the loss of interest, of caring, of doing your ritual routine things that help give your brain some quiet time (my brain shouts, shouts, spins and shouts) - it just goes away, and like, you just end up staring?

this time i at least fell down a hole of fanfiction, all over the place but a lot of Avengers, although that isn't productive either. ha.

how did september happen? the fuck was i?

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