the trick is to keep breathing

Moogle U post #2~

2012-12-16T05:49:27Z

This intro post hits up my Fannish Background and Preferences. If you've been here a while you probably know most of it, but if not, hey, I'm trying to be interesting.

In other news there's stuff I'm trying to get out of the way before I start this, but who knows. I was too drunk to play The World Ends With You for more than 15 minutes (FAIL) and I've still got Christmas stuff to take care of.

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FFXIII: the "Rec Me Fic" edition

2012-08-13T18:54:09Z

So I said in a comment that I actually expect FFXIII to become a decent writing fandom for me because of the holes and confusion in said story. That's pretty true: I write more for fandoms that didn't necessarily feel complete or sensical to me (FFIV, what with the LUNAR WHALE and all; FFVIII's plot holes and weirdly focused storytelling) than I do for ones that felt more or less complete (FFVI and FFX being good examples here – I loved both games, but I don't feel as compelled to write for them as I do for other fandoms. It isn't that VI and X don't have things to explore or holes in their stories – they do! – and some of it is character draw between all of the games, sure; but I just don't feel like I have as much to add in those canons as I do for IV and VIII). I liked FFXIII enough to think about dabbling in it fannishly, at least, and since my writing has more or less dried up and been left for dead, I want to tentatively encourage anything that gets me excited about words again.

So here's what I want to do, to take my mind off of my job: I want to talk about the characters in FFXIII, and I want to talk about things that I liked, and I want to talk about things that I want to read, or want to write. And then I want you guys to talk back about characters and rec me good fics! First, rec me anything that's good from FFXIII, whether or not it matches with stuff I am into, because good fic is wanted and needed and I'm always excited about new stuff in a new fandom. But second, if you can think of anything that will fill some of those holes I'm feeling pretty keenly, please hand it over! self-reccing is totes okay too. give me fic please. Or, if you see something that looks like fun, prompt me! Or make me prompt you! FUN GAMES IN SEV'S JOURNAL: THE MUSICAL.

( FFXIII Characters – possible game spoilers I guess )

In having written all of this, I'm seeing a couple trends. In addition to FFXIII being about trust/betrayal, right/wrong, truth/lies, it's also about family, including families of choice. And I like that. But I also like the dark undercurrents in so many of these character-character relationships, because I have bad taste in everything. The Fandom Hell Bus is coming to pick me up. Get in; I'm driving

THIS GOT REALLY LONG.

SOMEBODY HELP ME OUT HERE.

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Disconnect, Ambivalence, and the OTW

2012-07-25T12:36:29Z

So I have mixed feelings about the OTW in general. Some days, I love the OTW; other days I legitimately find I couldn't give less of a fuck. I think what it comes down to is that I want to like the OTW – I want to support them and get involved and help them out – but at the very same time I deeply mistrust a lot of what I see, I give a very hesitant sidelong eye to a lot of their discussions, decisions, and actions, and I'm very wary and weirded out by a lot of it. I'm really not sure how I feel about them.

( this got long. )

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HECK YEAH

2012-06-02T02:03:41Z

DOINK 2012 IS LIVE.

right now I'm just reading / looking through and basking in another wonderful year of fabulous, amazing, awesome content. I don't have the brains to do anything more than leave Kudos right now, because I'm coming right off the back of the least relaxing vacation of all time (not *bad*, just not relaxing), I've gotten 10 hours of sleep total in the last two nights, and I'm slowly but surely working through a 12-pack of beer in a Houston hotel room for recovery -- so if you get a Kudos from me, it's not an insult and I'll be back to comment as soon as I can string words into a sentence.

<3 <3 <3

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meme to lower my stress level!

2012-03-07T20:42:26Z

Give me a character and I will tell you:

Why I like them
Favorite line
Favorite outfit
OTP(s)
A wish
An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen
5 words to best describe them
My nickname for them

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Distant Worlds

2012-02-28T14:14:28Z

I saw Distant Worlds last Friday, and it was amazing. I'd heard from a lot of people that it was going to be really good, but I had kind of been trying to keep reasonable expectations and all. It was just unbelievable, though, like on a lot of levels: this is the music from a series of games I have been playing for over 20 years now, well over half my life, and I listened to them in a gorgeous ballroom-type setting thing surrounded by people from the internet that I met through these games who are now some of my closest and best friends in the world. It's a little mind-blowing when I put it that way. No wonder I got a bit emotional.

The show opened with the Opening: Bombing Mission from FFVII, and that was definitely a "get chills" type thing: novel_machinist and crankyoldman were the first people I met in person through fandom, [mumble] years ago, and we all met through FFVII and cosplayed really shitty Turks at our first convention and there they were sitting right in front of me: LULZ, to put it in the vernacular. Can I use any more colons: WE'LL FIND OUT.

Other highlights of the show for me:

The fucking battle music from FFVIII. What the everloving fuck: why did this make me cry? But it did. I think it was the moment I realized they were using the footage from the scene in Dollet where they're running from that giant monster and Quistis fucks it up with the machine gun so that Squall can escape. I have unhealthy feelings about this game.

On that note: EYES ON ME. HOLY JESUS. Sobfest over basically a Squall/Rinoa songvid. I absolutely loved that singer.

and on that note: MAN WITH THE MACHINE GUN. Will I ever not love this song in its entirely? JFMC.

There were two pieces from FFIX, and even though that wasn't my favorite game, I'd forgotten (a) how poignant and pretty the music is and (b) that the game can still pack an emotional punch with some of those visuals.

FFIV's Theme Of Love. It's a beautiful song from my favorite game. I probably would have liked a little more music from FFIV - they did a medley from I-III that was amazing and made me tear up a little, and it would have been nice to see the same for FFIV; it has the kind of very repetitive music I think would be suited for a medley. Then again I'm a little prejudiced about this game.

Zanarkand. Fucking Zanarkand. I cried so hard at this one. The visuals were just really well done - people cry, and Yuna dances - and personally I think it's top five one of the most beautifully emotional songs in the entire FF series.

THE OPERA FROM FFVI. I wasn't sure how this was going to play out, but I was hopeful, and it was absolutely amazing. The singers were phenomenal, and they put little clips of the Opera House from the game up in-between the singing parts, and I got pretty emotional seeing Locke running around in the rafters and Edgar and Sabin sitting in the chairs ("Why is everyone singing?") and all of that. Again, nostalgia time: my brother Jim and I pooled all our money to buy FFVI (FFIII!) when it came out and we played the hell out of it and we still joke about it. My brother: came to the Distant Worlds concert. I'd already been crying, but I sobbed at the fricking opera.
(Side note: am I the only ~~old person~~ one who still wants to say, "Oh my hero / so far away now / will I ever see your smile"? I know they re-wrote/re-translated the opera in other releases of the game and in FFVI Advance and all, but the original translation will always be the one in my head.

Terra's Theme is still like top three pieces of music forever, although they ruined it a little by playing credits through it. Maybe I'm just bitter because MY FAVORITE.

The entire crowd singing SEPH-I-ROTH was a really good note to end on: I've never really been able to adore Sephiroth like most of the fandom, but One Winged Angel is still awesome music, and having the crowd sing was an awesome way to end on a good note with a badass game and a badass villain without taking itself too seriously. It was pretty awesome.

The rest of the weekend was an exhausting blur of internet friends and alcohol. Just take a look at this: safety_caesars and ser_pounce_alot and I drove out on Thursday to pick up deadcellredux and notraffic, then met justira and novel_machinist on Friday and crankyoldman late Fri / early Sat. That's a lot of Final Fantasy. And a lot of booze.

It was a great weekend and an amazing show. Coming back to a day of meetings starting at 5AM (the day; 6:20 for the workday) was kind of like a punch in the face.

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BRB: OHAYOCON

2012-01-26T02:33:25Z

As of tomorrow evening I will be drunk at Ohayocon. My itinerary includes:

Battleshots

FF Roller Derby Rydia, part of the Zeromus Haters roller derby team

being drunk

(drunk) (gay stylist) (spaghetti making) Trowa, from Gundam Wing

gluing sparkly shit on everyone who stands still long enough to let me

getting to curl Becky's hair :D

possibly seducing Quatre's voice actor with Katy

drinking an entire beer penis

a round of Snirvines (this year's shot)

Mongolian Fucking Barbecue

cuddling

lots of compromising photos posted to our live photo feed

creepersharking

HOPEFULLY partying with Hot Leia and Hot Tifa and Hot Cloud and Hard Gay

I'll have my phone for email and texts, but I will very likely be drunk or sleeping, so. Contact at your own risk, fools. Otherwise, I will get back to all of you on Monday when I am ~~hung the fuck over~~ sober and back at work.

CHEERS :D

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FFX Replay and random thoughts

2011-10-05T18:13:56Z

Not sure if I've mentioned this yet, but safety_caesars and I are (re)playing FFX. Playing in her case, replaying in my case.

First off, I'll say: I like FFX. I actually like FFX-2, also, and I'm well aware liking both at the same time is Fandom Shun material. I'm certainly not saying either game is perfect, but I enjoy them. I've replayed FFX myself two or three times, and I've started FFX-2 about a dozen times (I can never get through it because the story is much too non-linear for someone with my schedule; I have a month where I can't play anything and then I come back, can't remember where the fuck I was, and the story isn't giving me any guidance, so I have to start over and swear a lot).

Protip: if you follow all of the gasping, grunting, sighing, breathing, exclaiming, and other non-verbal personal noises that are made in dialogue with "he/she came", the voice acting is instantly improved, and the game becomes hilarious.

( Thoughts here, in case they get long. )

Anyway, that's where we are now, and those are my thoughts. More as I go!

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DOINK! Chocobo Races

2011-08-30T12:19:37Z

HEY EVERYBODY

Every year we want to do a little something to keep Doink happy and active during its off-season. Usually we try to encourage people to create Chocobo Down -- look at that prompt list -- but this year we're trying a little something extra.

It's a team-based challenge: CHOCOBO RACING.

Basically you sign up to be on a team, and any Chocobo Down you create will give your team points. Every month we'll have a theme, and if you create Chocobo Down that fits the theme, you get even more points for your team!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo if you want to play, read up on how it works, and then you can sign up for your team here (DW) or here (LJ) - you only have to sign up once.

renay is the captain of TEAM TONBERRY, and I am the captain of TEAM CACTUAR. I'm just saying. You don't have to be on Team Cactuar. That's not why I'm posting this at all. Of course. Nope. You can be on whatever team you want. Really.

ALL I'M SAYING IS CACTUAR RULES

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a very quick signal boost

2011-05-03T01:59:00Z

I've been meaning to post this for a while, and I wasn't around a computer much this weekend and didn't want to post it from my phone - I wanted to at least think about the words a little bit.

I use AO3; I like AO3, I like it a lot. I have friends who are on the OTW Board, who are involved in Tag Wrangling, who do other things I only vaguely know and understand. So I'm not really involved here - only peripherally.

But... that's kind of the problem (as I say in my comment), because I don't know much about AO3 or the OTW, and they really only appear in my personal fandom circle as "Here's a place you can post that has fixed most structural problems other sites have." They're not present, they're not visible, they're not welcoming. There's no community on AO3, and community is a big part of fandom.

And that sucks.

But it wouldn't be half as bad if I didn't keep hearing faint strains of, but we want you! We want to expand to tiny fandoms, to video games and anime, to non-Western fandoms; we want to involve you. But they don't, and they haven't, and it isn't like Final Fantasy fandom is dead, I compile ff_press once a week, I run ff_exchange; it sure isn't dead and it keeps getting revived every time Squeenix wants another $30 from my wallet.

But they say this, and do nothing; and then other things happen that really make me feel strange and unwelcome.

I know my Circle/FList is full of non-Western media fans: Final Fantasy fans, Chrono Trigger fans, other video game fans; anime fans, Sailor Moon and Cowboy Bebop and I don't even know what else fans; even JPop and KPop and other things that just aren't represented at all on the AO3, that don't see it anywhere in their fandoms, in their daily fannish functioning. We aren't there. A lot of us got mad/hurt/upset at Yuletide this year, too. And we still aren't there. And if you look at their latest poll... we still aren't there.

And so to you guys, I'd like to invite some conversation. You're welcome to do it in this entry if you're more comfortable with me - I'll pass it on to the relevant post. But you're also welcome to do it in a more appropriate place if you can please (a) remember to keep this person's fannish and Board identities separate, as they desire; and (b) are respectful to someone who put a lot of thought, time, and work into compiling a really interesting, informative, helpful, and - you know what - downright painful entry.

I offer up here, for perusal, The OTW Server Poll and Fannish Diversity.

Thoughts welcome, and thank you to the Board member who took the time to put this public, transparent, honest document together.

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[30Days]: On Fandom!

2010-11-05T02:46:46Z

justira asked:
Why are you in fandom! How did you get here! Did you learn anything about yourself from/through being in fandom? For example, did you discover any kinks? =D (And, if you feel comfortable sharing, what are they!)

And I've got a bit to say about this!

Why am I in fandom?
I like to write, and being in fandom helps keep me doing so; there's an audience in fandom I think it's easier to reach out to than with original work. I love the source material, and fandom's a way to express that: reading, browsing art, commenting, sharing; all of these are ways to extend and explore a source material I'm fond of. I like the community; I've met some amazing people through fandom (more on this in a bit) and I enjoy the shared/collaborative feel of it, even if it's just commenting on a friend's drabble with a smiley-face.

I think in a way it's about value. I've watched people change fandoms or drift in and out of fandom because it isn't returning what they value (whether that's attention, comments/reviews, crit/feedback, cult of worshipers etc - value's different for all), and obviously I encourage everyone to shift around until they find a place in a fandom that's rewarding for them. Fandom's supposed to be fun, not frustrating!

Anyway: for me, the value returned is in communications: friends emailing me rambling snippets of fic or ideas for the one where GFs steal Seifer's memory or even just handfuls of porn, people I don't know commenting on fic that's two years old and getting into conversations about this or that pairing, friendships that move on beyond fandom, ideas that grow into ff_exchange or the Kiss Battle or a series of prompts on fuckyeahfinalfantasy -- interactions that go beyond "hay I liked your fic" are what I mean.

It's the connections, the kind of stuff I wouldn't do on my own -- like... I could write and maybe get comments and stuff, but -- I know now that I can write something and people will read it, and if they don't I can send them a note and they'll read it when they have time; it's the feedback, the interaction, and that's what I like.

How did I come to fandom?
Sadface: I have been writing fanfiction since before I knew what it was. Remember Sev is older than most of you, and we didn't have a ton of internet access/time growing up, and so when I spent my time writing an absolutely massive (note: it spanned four 3 1/2 inch disks) FFIV / FFVI crossover, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS FANFIC; I was just like "la de da I am writing this stupid story and I will never tell anyone." It wasn't until college - which for me was after 2000 - that I really recognized fanfiction and figured out what the heck it was. That means I've been writing for over 10 years... wow, that's ridiculous.

Once I found fanfiction.net -- through FF and Harry Potter almost simultaneously -- I started writing more, and I started meeting people. I ended up heading to Livejournal through - well, a collection of people; novel_machinist/drakonlily and crankyoldman/venefica_aura, mostly. They! Were also the first fandom people I ever met, in 2005, when we went to Otakon for the first time. (2005 or 2006? Am I that old...?)

Once I found Livejournal I was pretty much lost.

Things I learned from fandom!

Well, to start it off I have to say that fandom has impacted my life. It isn't subtle. Many people I've met from here have become friends, and some of them not just friends but CLOSE, heart-to-heart, soulmate friends. (And some of them, MAKEOUT FRIENDS, which in my opinion are totally the best kind!) I'm talking real-life friends and real-life impact. I won't get sappy, but I'm going to say: I love you all.

And, GOSH, as for kinks?

( KINKS! )

And my time's almost up... post! Obviously there's a lot more to say, but one thing I learned about myself is tl;dr. Yes.

This is part of my 30 Days of Posting meme - feel free to check out the schedule of posting! My month is full, but if any of the posts make you want to ask for something else, go ahead and leave a comment anyway! DW || LJ

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important FF things I missed while drinking with the Dutch and the Finnish

2010-06-07T16:06:01Z

megaflare_ff

Rules and Sign-Ups!

!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO ELSE IS EXCITED.

FYI, I will be writing the sequel to Dissolution (titled Reinvention). If anybody wants to be my artist this is the chance to draw Edgar/Sabin twincest I KNOW you've been waiting for. ;)

Recap of the weekend in a bit. Had to get this out first ♥

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[DOINK! 2010] Just a note!

2010-05-17T20:35:29Z

Pinch hits for DOINK! Final Fantasy Exchange 2010 are going to be going out, this afternoon/evening. If you're interested in possibly eyeing our pinch hit prompts, and you've got time before next Sunday to make a gift, you can sign up here -- signing up doesn't commit you to anything but the email list; you'll have to reply to claim a pinch hit yourself, so you can pick and choose.

Keep in mind that while I'm a mod I'm not posting this as a mod; I'm posting as somebody who knows a bunch of fun fandom people on her F-List that might be down with spending some intense quality time whipping up a seriously awesome gift in under a week.

( le sigh )

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DOINK! FINAL FANTASY EXCHANGE 2010

2010-03-24T02:52:41Z

Look, guys, this week has already been a veritable shitbasket of awful presents from Mother Life, but there's one thing I am totes looking forward to more than sleep, yes that is a true statement (as this thing will stand in the way of my sleep for like a month or two) and that thing is:

DOINK 2010: a brand-new round of Final Fantasy Exchange ♥ ♥

Seriously! I am watching these prompts roll in and plotting as to which diabolical pairing I'm going to adopt as my own and write 20,000 words for this time. This year: there are really good prompts, guys! I DO NOT LIE.

Also: SWEET NEW FORM. I do not think I could praise this form more if it were giving me a neck massage at this very moment. This form is as sexy as Shemar Moore. This form is as awesome as espresso. You know you want to sign up just for the form.

We have ff_exchange and ff_exchange for your pleasure this year; introductory post for signups is here.

If you want to help/participate but don't want to play, there are two really awesome ways you can sign up to be part of these shenanigans! The first is to sign up to be one of our non-participant pinch hitters - there's no commitment; you're just adding your name to an email list of people we will appeal to in cases of emergency: you decide what you do/don't do. The second is to sign up to be an on-call beta volunteer; there will be more about that coming soon, but let me know if you're interested so I can specifically point you that way. :)

GUYS. When we decided to do a 2010 round I was like "ohgod" and "what the shit were we thinking" but now that is it here I am bouncing around like the world's most hyperactive kitten. This only proves that I am not all there in the head (I IMMEDIATELY REGRET THIS DECISION) but I kind of don't care because yay! FFEX!

In celebration, I'm going to go back to last round and read a bunch of things I didn't get to read (seriously: I don't think I read anything except my own gift; sorry to everyone I love who wanted comments, lol) and post some recs to show just how awesome we are. YOU are; it's fandom that makes this thing so fantastic *single emo tear* I AM A GIGANTIC LOSER, AND DON'T CARE.

More on Awesome Weekend of WineCon and recs tomorrow, but I wanted to get this out tonight.

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