the trick is to keep breathing

words

Fri, 04 Jun 2021 15:59:43 GMT

yes i also hate that i posted to tumblr first rather than DW, but i needed to embed the image easily, so that's where i went dont shoot me

word count update is here!

yes: I'm behind my GYWO target. Behind by about 25,000 words going into june. for someone who writes the way i did last year, this isn't too concerning yet, especially because i have two new projects i'm excited about and a bunch of year-old comms i want to dig into for motivation. but like ... like you'll see on the post. life has been A Thing. it's been too much of A Thing. I give up.

also realizing its already june has been a punch to the gut; my brain still thinks it's, like, april. somehow. halfway through the year and i've made no significant progress on either of my two goals for 2021: finishing my first original novel and getting back into shape. i don't know why the turning of the calendar hits like this - i'm of the opinion that the best time to start a project is right now - but if it motivates, i'm going to use it.

i mean, i've been cancelling my two standard weekly original fiction dates lately because i am either overworked or too exhausted, so i only have me to blame, but then again gestures at tumblr post That's A Thing.

anyway im overworked and tired and mad and slowly going crazy, how are yall

(EDITED) to say that every single tag on this post is accurate but while going through my tags i found this and im fucking howling why am i like this

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Mon, 25 Sep 2017 22:43:08 GMT

to be perfectly honest with you all, I fucking love grocery delivery and I'm probably never going back

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new year's resolutions done backwards, aka The Sev Way

Tue, 06 Oct 2015 20:41:33 GMT

So over my brief microsabbatical I decided on a list of things I want to get done by the end of the year: thus, New Year's Resolutions, in reverse, ie my resolution is to have this done before the new year. See? Get it? It's like I'm clever instead of backwards and wrong!

Get Healthy [metric: exercise 3+/wk; lose 10+ lb]
Content note / Note this: being healthy and losing weight are not always the same thing! Health has a unique meaning to every individual body!
That being said: for me getting healthy and knocking off weight go hand-in-hand at this point in time. From May-September I ate poorly, rested poorly, drank too much, drowned in stress, and had no time or motivation to work out at all. That plus medication changes has resulted in what is, for my body, unhealthy poundage.
I miss swimming. I miss yoga. I don't miss running, fuck running, but I miss being able to run I guess? I miss punching my bag. I want to have Korra arms. And I have, quite reasonably, 10-20 lb I could lose before being even close to "danger". (Trust me, I'm a Taurus; we don't diet.)
This is something I can make happen by 01 Jan 2016.
Inhabitable basement [metric: obvious]
Right now the basement is storage, which is part of what basements are for, but mine opens up to my patio (and grill, and fire chimney) and has a nice little area by the windows where friends could sit and drink wine and grill things. I've two drum sets in my basement and my keyboard, all of which I have been missing desperately. (I miss music! I dream about pianos.) My workout area is functional, but not at all welcoming. My laundry area could use some sprucing.
Much of the storage is related to the above, which means I just need to sort it and work through it. A good part, however, is my grandmother's stuff. She finally passed away in August (I am not sure I even mentioned it here; I was too broken by it to do so) and I do not mind storing her things forever but need to go through them and decide which way makes sense.
This is, also, quite doable by 2016, and having those areas back in my life will please me immensely.
Shame room --> Craft room [metric: obvious]
I want to turn my spare bedroom into a crafting room, to house sewing / knitting / beading / anything else I may start doing. Right now it's a shameful repository of clothes-to-be-donated and a few boxes from moving (not original boxes - these were empty boxes that were repacked with "shit i do not want to deal with rn" and hidden).
Plan for the greatroom [metric: having an estimate / loan]
I have plans in my head to redo my entire greatroom, which started with my neverending desire to replace the horribly stained carpet in there and grew into a really, really epic floor plan. I need to get it from my head onto the page, then find a contractor who can give me estimates on time / cost to make it happen. Why not? Houses are investments, and my cafe-bar thing will be incredible.
Work-Life Balance [metric: ???]
I need to prove to myself that I can, in fact, work the kind of job that pushes all of my success buttons without killing myself. The next 3 months will be busy, as always, but not deadly, so it's time to fucking do it. I still don't know how to make a metric for this; maybe I can use success on the other Resolution points, because they won't happen if I continue to use my energy on work.
Mental Peace [metric: ???]
I went back through some journal entries and I've been in a massive depression funk since early 2014. That's too long. It has started to severely affect my health and my job. I need to attack this. I realize depressions don't "go away" but I haven't tried anything really and I at least deserve an effort.
Write Again [metric: get some word count] No real comments. I just miss writing.

I stopped there, since there are really only 3 months left in the year, and they will contain not only the major hols of Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, but also the birth of my newest niece or nephew, so I'm well aware that this is a lot to do in that time frame. (Obviously they won't need to be complete, but I work better with deadlines, even self-imposed ones. Better to not let myself cheat.)

There. Public posting makes it real, right?

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when did march happen

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 18:19:32 GMT

A quick update while I've got a few seconds'-worth of a breather here at lunch.

(edit) QUICK UPDATE ACTUAL LOL i have managed to turn "quick lunch update" into gigantic emotional tl;dr diatribe god I am the best/worst blogger in the history of the internet

general
I've been excessively shitty lately. My workload - not just job but life, because apparently the amount of general bullshittery around me increases directly proportional to my stress load due to specific work bullshittery - has been godawful. I actually started typing out a list of the many things I'm trying to handle right now but deleted it because a) it was depressing me and b) it sounded like I'm playing Stress And Workload I Am The Busiest Ever Olympics which isn't ever really what I want to sound like. Suffice to say I was up to item 12 before I stopped, and that hadn't even covered work; if you'd like to play Olympics with me I guarantee I will win, which actually means I lose, I think.

( additional rambles that got long )

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[healthblogging] 2012 Has Been A Gross Year For Me

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 16:25:00 GMT

I've struggled a lot with working out / staying fit / being healthy in 2012. My biggest problem has been consistency.

On the short term, my mindset looks like this:

[Sunday] I'm going to be so healthy this week and work out all the time! I go to the gym. I go to the grocery store and buy awesome high-protein breakfast and lunch ingredients, and awesome fresh simple high-protein dinners, and do a lot of cooking.
[Monday, Tuesday] Still kind of motivated! Hit the gym! cook more.
[Wednesday, Thursday] I'm getting burnt out and exhausted from my stupid exhausting job!! I don't have the energy to go to the gym today. I'll eat these leftovers. Maybe have some wine. Sit on my ass. Today sucked though.
[Friday, Saturday] I'm still exhausted! And I deserve a weekend break from life! I'm not going to the freaking gym, these are my days off!
[Sunday] I'M STILL A CHUBSTER? HOW DO DIET. WHAT ARE RUNNING. Okay. Fine. I'm going to be so healthy this week...

*REPEAT FOR MONTHS*

On the long term, I've been set back by arthritic busted toes, my trusty neck/shoulder knot, a lingering bad ankle, a travel schedule that just won't quit, and the overall underlying sense of exhaustion, fatigue, and hopelessness that you find at the bottom of the barrel of fucks.

Neither of these situations are good for consistency. If I can't get momentum up over a week, I'll never keep it going long-term; if I can't stay healthy and motivated, what's the point of even doing a week.

I can't build up a decent running base because of this -- every time I get up to even 8, 10 miles a week, something happens - either exhaustion, injury, business, or busy-ness - and I'll go a week without running at all. And you can't do any kind of weight training program without a consistent schedule and a consistent base. I'll up my squat load 10lb, but then I won't make it back to the gym for 8 days to do more squats, so I'll stall and gain nothing except pain and more exhaustion.

( Workout weekends )

Not that anyone but me cares about this lololol. But hey. If I spent as much time actually working out as I did reading about fitness and training plans, I'd be an award-winning marathon runner and a certified yoga instructor whooooooooooooooooooooops

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ugh

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 01:14:10 GMT

Why in the world is Gmail not working for me in Firefox? (Yes, I just updated it.) When I go into Gmail I can see my Inbox, but clicking on a message shows me... nothing. As if the message doesn't exist at all. It's working fine on my phone and in Chrome, so it isn't just that MY Gmail is effed. but. I don't get it. whyyyyyyyyyy

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well, this is good!

Fri, 10 Jun 2011 23:57:31 GMT

So I injured my left calf (inner lower leg and inner ankle area, to be both specific and general) while training for the Pittsburgh Half Marathon. I realized sometime the week of 25 April; the week of 3 May I made the decision to stop training in order to make it to the Half. I ran twice after that decision: once on 8 May when I raced a 5K, and once on 15 May when I ran the actual half. Since then, I haven't run at all. Not only have I been too busy with life and kittens, but I also really just wanted to heal up whatever had hurt itself during my training.

This week Tuesday I decided to go out for a nice easy run to get back into things. And I could immediately feel the injury. I ran ~3 miles, and it was brutal for a lot of reasons - heat, allergies, asthma - but underneath all of it was the growing concern that this injury hasn't gone away. That's 6 weeks off of training, and almost 4 off of running entirely. That's enough that I got worries about it. So today I went to my doctor to talk about it.

He thinks I might have a stress fracture! Or tendonitis. Or a stress fracture with tendonitis.

I had to go get x-rays! That was fun. And expensive. :/

I am on anti-inflammatory drugs! For at least a month if not two! I can't drink on them! Balls.

I will seriously kick my own ass if I ran a half marathon on a stress fracture without knowing. I will kick my own ass with my good leg.

GDI.

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you know

Mon, 02 May 2011 13:45:26 GMT

I am really tired of the way my body just continues to undermine everything I want it to do. Want to run a half marathon? Well! Ha! You can't train as well as other people because you have asthma, and then when you get really close to running, I'm going to bust up your legs. Want to heal it up by taking time off? That's great, and you're going to get better over the weekend, but then it's going to come back. Want to help it heal with extra sleep because your body already doesn't function well when unrested? HA! INSOMNIA ATTACK SNIPES OVER TWO PRECIOUS HOURS OF SLEEP. HAVE FUN WITH THE AWFUL EXHAUSTED FEELING OF A SLEEPLESS MONDAY MORNING.

My body sucks. Can I have a new one?

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