Christmas.

The first Christmas with the baby was beautiful. Hectic and crazy and not really relaxing, but refreshing in a way. I got up work-time Monday morning and drove in to Pittsburgh to pick up Gramma, then drove up to Buffalo to the tune of a Spotify Christmas station which worked for the most part but occasionally wondered if what we really wanted to be listening to was the Electric Slide.

Jim and Mar and Jos were already up there. This was the crazy hectic part: Josie's ~10 weeks; Gramma's 90; and I'm not sure which of them cried and wet themselves more. Both needed intense help. I love my little niece to pieces and am always happy to pick her up and bounce and BOOP her and walk her around, and I adore my gramma and am willing to help her stand and walk or carry on a conversation. The two overlaid upon each other occasionally makes it hard to breathe.

That's the refreshing part, though: there's something about being surrounded by these people you love so hard it hurts, and even in the middle of the chaos when all you want is a nap you know for a fact that you'd do anything for any one of them. I'm continuously amazed at how much I love a niece who has only been in my life for three short months. Jos has a great smile. I hear that's how babies survive.

Christmas Day was a gratuitously decadent celebration of gifts and ribbons and glitter.

I'm back in the Feymarch because I had to work yesterday. As often happens at this time of year I'm incredibly pensive about my life - more so this year since it's been so dramatic. I want to write about it, but not yet, so instead I'm going to play Final Fantasy Tactics until noon with no regrets.

Thoughts on 2013: A Series

This has been a pretty ridiculous year for me. I get the feeling it has been for everyone, but seriously, take a look at this list, in vaguely chronological order:

1. Three back surgeries / steroid injections
2. Bought a house & moved
3. Went on anti-anxiety meds & sleeping pills
4. New position as Operations Manager
5. Job becomes 2 jobs as plant foreman passes away
6. Diagnosed with fibromyalgia after PT and painkillers
7. Brother and sister-in-law had the family's first child/grandchild/niece
8. Gramma went into nursing home
9. Started serious level drug treatment (Cymbalta)

And that's just the big stuff. In the background I also
- played (and, usually, beat) an FF game every month, with varying levels of success
- cared for a 30+ year old house and its yard
- traded in Percy (the Fit) for Ashe (the Civic)
- managed DOINK stuff up until a couple months ago when I had to bail
- knitted a lot
- watched a good amount of TV, the majority of it dumb but quality dumb
- officially came out of the closet I guess, although my personal romantic life is "private" rather than a "secret" so I really almost forgot to put it on the list because what other people know about me is quite irrelevant to my daily life but hey it's significant
- helped welcome my niece into the first few weeks of her life
- worked late every day and sometimes at night and on weekends since 01 July
- still did some traveling/visiting to cons & friends
- continued to care for my stupid fucking imbecile cat with the heart murmur
- managed to read some books and keep up with the trashy series I love
- revamped my wardrobe
- ran up a small salary's worth of medical bills
- etc etc etc

It's that first list that's killing me. Like, what actually happened this year? 13 may become my new lucky number (or unlucky number, depending on how 2014 turns out). How the frig did this all happen in one year? Honestly? Fuck me.

Because it's been such a tumultuous year I intend to write some things about it. I just shut down work for the night (...shut up) and it got me thinking about how different things are than last month, last spring, last year. I'm hoping I can find the time and the words to do so, even if only for myself; I'd like to be able to remember how I felt this very first year of the rest of my life.