seventhe: (SAZH)

...or, How Writing A Completely Gratuitous Good Omens Human AU Winery Based Fanfiction Led Me To A Very Personal Revelation That’s Kind Of Embarrassing, I guess.

I find myself in a place where I am simultaneously handling all of the stresses and changes from the rona very well, with very little concern, and... also not doing very well myself at all. It’s a weird dichotomy. The truth of it is exactly that: I am in fact managing the rona situation just fine, but I myself am not. That. Okay.

“well” )

seventhe: (Cock: GIANT COCKFISTING)

Reasoning:

  1. I make amazing money for my age and I should take advantage of that
  2. I am in a good position: owning a house already, partnered but legally single, no dependents
  3. I need my goddamn health insurance so cannot quit
  4. I don't completely loathe what I do yet (it's more like a bipolar disorder relationship).

Plan:

  • live well but frugally for the next 15 years
  • enjoy the shit out of the next 15 years well but responsibly
  • take good care of self and health
  • pay off house
  • save well
  • retire at 50.
  • become actual hermit
  • spend rest of life writing and giving the world the middle finger
  • become millionaire
  • replace body with wheels
  • profit

15 more years at my job gives me the new plant I want - covers everything from engineering to actually flipping the switch to development projects - as well as turnover to build a dynasty (not that I am arrogant BUT I AM but really it's to protect the years invested in the place): I'd literally hit the peak of my career then leave. and, if I work it right, lots of company buffing of my 401k.

50 will be a bit old on my poor broken body, but it's still an age you can do most things: travel, hobbies, open a bar with your friends, etc

The counter-thought is "take your break now" but I'm not in any kind of position health-wise to do so: need insurance, so need (a) job; this job has good/decent insurance; not good at traveling right now; too much house debt to really call off the paychecks. Trust me, it's tempting to toss everything and run to the woods, but it isn't a good place.

But working towards something makes the working seem slightly more palatable

1^0 edit I FORGOT TO MENTION what I want to do with my millions: I want to be a patron of the arts and sciences.

One of the things that sticks out in my memory from my Germany trip - touring an old palace - it's so weird that this was significant - but I was doing the headphones tour of Queen Sophie's palace and there was so much discussion about how royalty and the well-off were patrons -- of arts, sciences, literature, voyages, anything they wanted. It is this weird mindset - and ok I know that historical context etc life was NOT A MAGICAL BETTER BACK IN THAT CENTURY - but in our evolution to what we are now we have really and truly lost that spirit? Rich people don't go and support artists they personally think are cool anymore, or host salons for neat artists to get together, or sponsor someone to write a symphony or a novel, and --- there's something about that concept that really appeals to me.

So after my job and my novels and my millions, I plan to become a patron of the arts and sciences. If you can wait 15 years, you all get first dibs.

2^0 edit im not even drunk guys, seriously

Christmas.

Dec. 28th, 2013 09:13 am
seventhe: (Joie)
The first Christmas with the baby was beautiful. Hectic and crazy and not really relaxing, but refreshing in a way. I got up work-time Monday morning and drove in to Pittsburgh to pick up Gramma, then drove up to Buffalo to the tune of a Spotify Christmas station which worked for the most part but occasionally wondered if what we really wanted to be listening to was the Electric Slide.

Jim and Mar and Jos were already up there. This was the crazy hectic part: Josie's ~10 weeks; Gramma's 90; and I'm not sure which of them cried and wet themselves more. Both needed intense help. I love my little niece to pieces and am always happy to pick her up and bounce and BOOP her and walk her around, and I adore my gramma and am willing to help her stand and walk or carry on a conversation. The two overlaid upon each other occasionally makes it hard to breathe.

That's the refreshing part, though: there's something about being surrounded by these people you love so hard it hurts, and even in the middle of the chaos when all you want is a nap you know for a fact that you'd do anything for any one of them. I'm continuously amazed at how much I love a niece who has only been in my life for three short months. Jos has a great smile. I hear that's how babies survive.

Christmas Day was a gratuitously decadent celebration of gifts and ribbons and glitter.

I'm back in the Feymarch because I had to work yesterday. As often happens at this time of year I'm incredibly pensive about my life - more so this year since it's been so dramatic. I want to write about it, but not yet, so instead I'm going to play Final Fantasy Tactics until noon with no regrets.

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unfortunate hobo

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