the trick is to keep breathing

So last Thursday around 10:00 I had a bad fall and ended up in the emergency room, with both ankles basically busted.

Cut for discussion of injury. ( yeah )

Can’t really walk. Couldn’t really even stand the first few days without supporting myself on wheelchair / nearby table / couch / something else. Crown helped make the first floor wheelchair accessible and put together one of the basement beds for me to sleep on in my sunroom cause i cant do stairs. Feathers brought me down enough toiletries that I could brush my teeth and actually wear deodorant. My parents came to visit with groceries and fruits and lots of help getting everything set up so that I can survive first-floor-only for a little while.

Check-up with the ortho on Wednesday put me into a boot - good news; boot FAR better than cast! - and predicted about 6 weeks before I’m back to any normal kind of motions, with next check-up in two.

This certainly isn’t my first time impaired — I spent most of my senior year of high school on crutches or in a wheelchair for a variety of reasons. But that’s very different; you have friends at school willing to help you out so that they can use the elevator, and you have parents at home who still do your laundry and get your mail. I’m nearing 40 and don’t live with my husband for a variety of mutual personal reasons, and I’m kind of lucky to have a basement gremlin in Feathers at this point or I would be, just, you know. Boned.

All projects are behind. Drawing? Writing? Don’t know ‘em. Today for the first time I sat down at my desktop while in the wheelchair and while I can make words, it isn’t really that easy, or that comfortable.

My life as a cripple (patent pending) so far has been interesting. I have my grandmother’s wheelchair, which is great because I have it and didn’t have to pay for one, but not so great in that it’s made to be pushed, rather than for self-propelling. And wheeling myself around on carpet also not made for wheelchair ease is, well, fucking exhausting. I better have massive arms after this. I’ve had to rearrange nearly everything so that I can access it without having to stand up. Hell, even a trip to the bathroom is like a 20-minute quest montage from Lord of the Rings.

The poor cats are not adjusting very well at all.

ANYWAY! Friends! I will be literally useless for at least the next 6 weeks. I still plan on putting out fan stuff just to keep my own sanity, but will it be quality? Who knows! Will i open commissions again? Depends on the emergency room bill! Do i consider crying at least once a day? Of course!!

Love, Sev

because i am That Guy:

I took a lump out of my retirement savings to support myself while I try to write an actual book! then, a week later, i got hired! this is my life. I've been hired to work as a technical writer with a great local company that does all sorts of technical writing and instructional design work (something im VERY interested in), which is awesome, but the first contract they were going to give me unfortunately fell through. they are frantically looking for projects for me because the VP of Ops apparently wants me as an employee very badly (a great feeling after months of unemployment lbr) so i'm willing to wait it out, esp cause i have the lump now.

and because i'm a giant waste of an idiot, i've decided i'm still going to try to write the novel. for NaNoWriMo. while working and doing work words. and 2 Good Omens zines. and Patreon. and commissions. and my regular WIPs. and cleaning my house. and so on.

giant waste of an idiot.

ANYWAY. most of you have probably already seen this on my other social media but just in case you haven't, i have two polls out about my novel. mainly because i have too many fucking ideas and styles, so i'm letting the general populace help me narrow down for my first novel attempt.

i realize my FF writing is slim these days, MCU and GO being my main fandoms at the moment, but i'm still interested in Ye Olde Canons -- it's a matter of time, these days. so for those of you who know me from FF and such, your input is DEFINITELY appreciated, because you've seen sides of my work that my current fandoms haven't. :) <3

the first poll about the content of the novel is here

the second poll about the format of the novel is here

and since im still technically unemployed lemme toss the reminder that you can always find me, my sites, and my KoFi and Patreon here: https://sevdrag.carrd.co/

<3 <3 send me all the luck you can. as soon as i set up my NaNo page i'll post it here <3

I’m sure I’ll get on the 2019 retrospective train soon, but right now I want to capture thoughts and goals for 2020. Not just for writing, but for life, as well. I’m trying to simplify everything because I’m so fucking malleable day to day; if I have the overall goal and a timeline, I can make my daily goals fit whatever mood / health / shape I end up in every day, which should work.

TW: I’m talking about health / weight in my goals, but it’s all in regards to me.

( “2020 )

I’m working on turning all of these into quantifiable goals I can track in spreadsheets (my one true love!), so we’ll see. Public accountability occasionally works, usually when I drop into BDBD and tell people I need to be screamed at. How to turn that into 2020 success? WE SHALL SEE.

Are you ready for this? Cause buckle up, chucklefucks, I’m about to tell you the fuckin’ comedy of errors that was my life last week.

Spoiler: this was only supposed to be about a faucet.

Background:

• my old faucet dripped. It was a small drip, and I got into the habit of leaving a pitcher underneath when I went to work, and then using the water for my plants, which I personally thought was a great fuckin’ idea. I want to redo the entire kitchen in the next year or two, so my mindset has been basically “live with it now, fix it later.”
• my mother, on the other hand, just could not get over the goddamn fact that a faucet somewhere three hours away from her own kitchen, in a different state, was occasionally dripping. This should tell you a lot about my mother.
• so it turns out that I get a new faucet for Christmas. Just a plan, average, nothing-exciting faucet. Mum was so pleased with herself. She thought it was hilarious. Spoiler: it was not.
• My husband (Crown Royal himself) and I don’t live together, but he does me a lot of favors around the house when I have fibro days.
• My husband is incapable of stopping at anything less than what HE considers perfect.
• My husband, Crown Royal himself, is almost as much of a disaster as I am.

Story: ( “Here.” )

1. Doing a bunch of work on the house. I lazed around in a depressive exhausted funk on Friday reading waste of space fanfiction and then it suddenly hit me that, like, I'm moving into this fucking house in two fucking weeks and I have a fuckload of work to do. So Saturday: sanded, mudded, sanded, taped and first coat primed the downstairs bathroom, taped the upstairs study; Sunday: spent copious time at Lowe's gettinc carpet samples and a measurement arranged, second coat of primer, tore up carpet in master BD, planted some flowers, got ready to steam clean the greatroom carpets. ughhhHHHHHH I haven't even like thought about packing (every time I think about peeking around that particular corner anxiety is like "sshhhhh baby don't do it" so I haven't)
   
   The list of things to still be done is horrendous. The master BD needs painted (and the ceilings go up to 13' so like fuck I'm doing that myself - meeting w a painter Fri) and then new carpet (at least I got that started.....?), the study needs painted, the downstairs fucking bathroom needs fixed the fuck up and painted aqnd reassembled (side note: I have named the downstairs bathroom Voldemort because it's been such a huge heinous pain in the arse that on Sunday I referred to it as the room that shall not be named, hence we can now use the phrase, "I'm gonna go poop in Voldemort." Ladies and gentlemen, this is what it's like to be 31 years old?). Oh and fucking Kilz the spot in the basement that's got a bit of mold on it in the shelves, fuck, I had literally forgotten about that. And that's all not including packing fuck my actual life and not including the 40 things that are on the list once I am actually living there.
   
   My advice is to never buy a house. My advice is to start drinking heavily.


2. Second set of injections on Thursday. Very eager to get there. The neck/shoulder/back ~situation~ is still better than it was pre-injection but do you know what hurts a lot when you've got a herniated disc in your neck? stuff like painting or you know sanding a fucking wall and stuff like that. Ugh my entire body. Thursday will at least be a day of drugged-up bliss. And hopefully it will knock even more of the pain out, so that I'm close to OK to go for actual moving weekend fffuuuuuUUUCK


3. I did actually beat FFIII. I also started FFIV. There was an odd overlap week and I am sure anyone following my Tumblr is hella confused. I need to make some posts to moogle_university here.


4. Matching for DOINK! is done. Should be going out soon~~~!


5. I don't want to talk about work.

novel_machinist

crankyoldman

• The fucking battle music from FFVIII. What the everloving fuck: why did this make me cry? But it did. I think it was the moment I realized they were using the footage from the scene in Dollet where they're running from that giant monster and Quistis fucks it up with the machine gun so that Squall can escape. I have unhealthy feelings about this game.


• On that note: EYES ON ME. HOLY JESUS. Sobfest over basically a Squall/Rinoa songvid. I absolutely loved that singer.


• and on that note: MAN WITH THE MACHINE GUN. Will I ever not love this song in its entirely? JFMC.


• There were two pieces from FFIX, and even though that wasn't my favorite game, I'd forgotten (a) how poignant and pretty the music is and (b) that the game can still pack an emotional punch with some of those visuals.


• FFIV's Theme Of Love. It's a beautiful song from my favorite game. I probably would have liked a little more music from FFIV - they did a medley from I-III that was amazing and made me tear up a little, and it would have been nice to see the same for FFIV; it has the kind of very repetitive music I think would be suited for a medley. Then again I'm a little prejudiced about this game.


• Zanarkand. Fucking Zanarkand. I cried so hard at this one. The visuals were just really well done - people cry, and Yuna dances - and personally I think it's top five one of the most beautifully emotional songs in the entire FF series.


• THE OPERA FROM FFVI. I wasn't sure how this was going to play out, but I was hopeful, and it was absolutely amazing. The singers were phenomenal, and they put little clips of the Opera House from the game up in-between the singing parts, and I got pretty emotional seeing Locke running around in the rafters and Edgar and Sabin sitting in the chairs ("Why is everyone singing?") and all of that. Again, nostalgia time: my brother Jim and I pooled all our money to buy FFVI (FFIII!) when it came out and we played the hell out of it and we still joke about it. My brother: came to the Distant Worlds concert. I'd already been crying, but I sobbed at the fricking opera.
  (Side note: am I the only old person one who still wants to say, "Oh my hero / so far away now / will I ever see your smile"? I know they re-wrote/re-translated the opera in other releases of the game and in FFVI Advance and all, but the original translation will always be the one in my head.


• Terra's Theme is still like top three pieces of music forever, although they ruined it a little by playing credits through it. Maybe I'm just bitter because MY FAVORITE.


• The entire crowd singing SEPH-I-ROTH was a really good note to end on: I've never really been able to adore Sephiroth like most of the fandom, but One Winged Angel is still awesome music, and having the crowd sing was an awesome way to end on a good note with a badass game and a badass villain without taking itself too seriously. It was pretty awesome.

safety_caesars

ser_pounce_alot

deadcellredux

notraffic

justira

novel_machinist

crankyoldman

1. They are trying to redo the lab experiments, to improve them. However, this means that the new ones last year? NONE OF THEM WORKED. Students got to choose between (a) working extra in the lab to get good data or (b) attempting to write a 10-20 page lab report and answering all assignment questions with bad data. That's a lose-lose situation to me, but do they care? Apparently not, because the prof doesn't seem to think many of the labs this year will be much better. Great. Glad we care about quality.


2. They've apparently run out of second-(or-greater-)year students on assistantships supported by the department, so. My TAs and teachers and lab assistants? Are the students in the class.
   Just think about this one for a long second here. The students taking the class right now... will be teaching the class. And taking it. As they teach it.
   These are first-year students. They've only been through the first half of the core - our first 5 courses**. That's it.
   So these first-year students will be coming on Monday, learning about the lab and setting it up, and then teaching it to us. While they also do it.
   I don't pity them and I won't blame them for doing a shit job; that's a shit situation to be in. But I am also Not Very Excited for the amount of help (read: zero) I'll have on these labs.