(content note: me still talking about my damn fall)
In some ways I already live disabled, so there hasn't been a lot of transition. Take meals, for example: because I live with fibro, I already know what frozen things to stock up on that take very little input or effort and provide a tangible delicious reward for putting them into the microwave. I'm always prepared for days that I can't find the fucks to actually make a meal, so the act of preparing for 3-4 weeks where I can't actually make a meal isn't that far from my regular life. Nothing odd there; I already eat a lot of paninis because sandwiches are dumb easy to make and putting a sammich into the panini maker improves its awesomeness by a factor of a lot.
Likewise, I already don't shower daily, because in the last few years my fibro has developed this fun game where there's a one in ten chance that the feeling of water on my skin is going to cause me to break out in painfully itchy hives that make me gruesomely uncomfortable for hours -- so using face and body wipes to stay fresh inbetween isn't that big of an adjustment.
However, not being able to fucking walk wellllll that's a big one
It's goddamned excruciating, the amount of effort it takes to go fill my water bottle, or make a cup of coffee, or even to go have a pee. Not only is it painful, but I'm at the point where I'm just irritable, so it becomes extra irritating on top of everything else. Now, granted, I'm doing a lot better than I was: I still can't walk, but I can stand for short periods of time if I'm braced on something for balance, and I can finally use my heels to help propel and direct the wheelchair, which makes that a bit easier. (Wheelchairing around when you can't use EITHER foot for ANYTHING is HARD WORK.) Getting up and down and moving from one surface to another is becoming more reliable. These are all good things!
But like. Sometimes the right one just aches no matter how I have positioned the boot, and I swear sometimes I can feel the break stitching itself back together, it hurts so much. It'll pulse with sharp jabs of pain and when it's doing that, lifting the foot at all to move the boot is like impossibly painful; I have to use my hands to do a lot of the work. And the left one is feeling better internally, but all the external bruising has finally come to the surface, so even the skin hurts and it's hard to get it comfortable no matter how I arrange it. I've been leaving it in the brace more than last week just as protection for the bruising; I'll probably put it into a compression sock this weekend.
As long as they don't have any bad news at my checkup next Wednesday I think I'm ready to get into those crutches, which I'm very eager to do. I'll have to find a backpack.
This week has been harder than last week. I'm hating the tedium more and just irritable about a lot of stuff. I haven't been able to translate pent-up energy into writing (except last night i guess) and haven't had a lot to distract me other than the Sims 4. I oscillate violently between wanting to do everything myself because I can and just wanting somebody to go make me a cup of coffee so I don't have to move. I drank a lot this week because it was better than sulking but that isn't a habit I really want to rely on during these shenanigans.
I do still at least have the wherewithal to do my paid writing jobs, which is good because I haven't seen the bill for the emergency room yet, but it's probably going to be massive.
<3
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