the trick is to keep breathing

no, this is not the post about job search depression. not yet.

I participate in Get Your Words Out every year as something that motivates me to make words, much like NaNoWriMo -- it isn't necessarily about "winning" either, but it's about having a reason to track words, which then becomes having a reason to write. In 2020 or 2021, I forget which, I managed to write somewhere near 350,000 words. What a fuckin' banger. A lot of it was Old Vines, and some of it was work words, and all of it was fun as hell.

The thing I noticed at the end of the year, however, was that my writing was just inconsistent -- I was carrying myself towards that goal with days where I wrote 5000, 7000 words in one day, and then not writing for the next 4 days in a row. So if I could get my ASS to the COMPUTER to do the THING, i usually could get a significant number of words done. So let's focus on that, sez my brain, and we'll be a super-writer.

2022 Sev said well, hey, there's a habit pledge for GYWO, so: I took it, with the rather extreme idea of writing 240 days out of the year. that's like 4-5 days a week. But hey! It isn't wordcount! Although I still fucking decided I was going to try to write 300,000 words. just 300K. Not 350K. lol. I'm stupid.

Then at the beginning of 2022 I lost my content writing job - more like, they hired someone full-time and let all the contractors go without warning, yes, I'm still mad - and therefore lost one of the major impetus for me actually sitting down at the computer to write. Plus, I'd been counting work words as part of the yearly target -- which I think is fuckin fair when you write for a living, yeah?, so.

And then as I realized other work had also dried up and I was going to have to start major job hunting - and then the experience of that job hunting - there was a depression zone where I absolutely dried up on words. Like, nearly completely. Most of my WIPs just kind of hung in space, and I had to start an entirely new Good Omens fic (forth the fifth) to have anything going on, and THEN it was only a super-hyperfixation on Detroit: Become Human that really pulled me out of the wordslump and back into writing things. Getting back to the WIPs has been challenging.

And with my new job, there aren't wordcounts I can tally towards anything -- I'm writing and editing at the same time, and sometimes working on things like how the fuck do we cite this and a surprising amount of meetings, and the moral of this story is that I'm unlikely to make either my formal or informal GYWO target this year -- which again, I don't do it for the win, but boy howdy did I misjudge this year.

And what have I learnt about my writing process this year? Since that was the entire point of trying a new target and a new approach? Well, fuck, I'm not sure I've learnt anything, except that it's more fun to write when people are directly cheering you on, which isn't anything new. As of today I've written about 150K, and 135 days out of the year. I am 69 days behind where I should be and there are like. Idk. 70 days left in the year? So obviously I'm not gonna make it lol.

Anyway this has been a long ramble about things that are only important in my head, with no real conclusion. Clearly I am a professional! And I need to get back to actual work!

Stay tuned for NaNoWriMo, where I try to get my 3 FTH fics out in a month while still updating at least 3 WIPs! oh my god, why am i like this? I'm so stupid?

Talk to me about your 2022 writing (or creating in general, if you're a creator but not a writer!). How did you do. How dumb am I. It is a mystery!

ever since the beginning of this year when i made it one of my goals to get better and more prolific with art, i've been really, really having to reevaluate my approach. overall i think i've made some pretty significant progress with art, and i need to tell myself that, because part of it is just still disappointing to me.

what i want to be able to do with art is sit down and draw something that's in my head and have it come out more or less like what i want. it doesn't have to be total realism -- i'm sure i'll have a style. it doesn't have to be neat - my art is messy by default. but i want to be able to, like, draw a comic panel or something, in a reasonable amount of time. mostly, it's drawing people that i want.

yeah, im nowhere near that.

my FIRST big adjustment this year was finally getting through my own head that using references isn't "cheating." once i got established in my little corner of the good omens fandom and talked to more and more artists, i finally got it through my brain - and i mean this has been years in my brain rent-free - that using references is something a lot of artists do. some of them will even trace a generic pose before going on to make it their own. this is what has substantially improved my art - FUCKING SURPRISE, SURPRISE - because as it turns out, i can draw nearly anything with a reference, and draw it rather well -- or, well enough to satisfy my internal monologue.

but i know not all artists have to look up 4-5 references and mash them all together if they want to make a piece of art? and i know a lot of artists can sit down and do a doodle that looks great in like a half hour with no refs at all? and that's what i want to be able to do, because sometimes, looking for a reference that fits perfectly is exhausting - takes as long as the art lol - and even then there's something about it that doesn't always feel "yours."

the thing is that for me, art takes time, and whine delayed gratification is haaaaard. but i think i have to get it through my head that at the stage i'm in, art is going to take time. if i could work on one piece a week i could probably put out some pretty good stuff, but my brain is still like "we sit down every night and draw A Thing and then judge it" and like .... jklsdhgksjllgk im not sure what i'm trying to say here. lkashflksahgsdhklg coming out wrong.

i think this is the point on that learning-scale graph where you're in the plateau that you can see what's good and what's wrong about your art (and others' art, which is surprising!) but you aren't good enough to get there. which of course means practice, but it's really hard to practice when you're absolutely failing at your actual goal, which is to sketch (let me reiterate - PEOPLE) reasonably well without a reference.

so i think my SECOND art adjustment of 2021 has to be learning that a lot of good art takes a lot of time, even for 'real' artists, and i should allow myself that time when i'm trying to create things of a certain standard -- and also to learn that the more i draw FROM references, the better i will get at being able to draw WITHOUT them.

i've already come this far just with practice, and for the first time ever i signed up as an artist for the GORBB (reverse big bang) (you can see it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29072034) which was a big milestone too. and the work was in the middle in regards to detail and time put in (i'm not going to say, nor judge, on the quality of other people's works, but i was happy with how it ended up, even if there are still things i'd change). i've done a ton of color studies and portraits and things like that, and it has resulted in actual improvement, so i know it works.

it's just stupid, because my brain is whiiiiiining about it, and i know the answer is "art more and learn", but boy howdy do we not want to.

anyway that's thoughts whats the haps anyone want to gimme an art prompt i guess lmfaoooo

because i am That Guy:

I took a lump out of my retirement savings to support myself while I try to write an actual book! then, a week later, i got hired! this is my life. I've been hired to work as a technical writer with a great local company that does all sorts of technical writing and instructional design work (something im VERY interested in), which is awesome, but the first contract they were going to give me unfortunately fell through. they are frantically looking for projects for me because the VP of Ops apparently wants me as an employee very badly (a great feeling after months of unemployment lbr) so i'm willing to wait it out, esp cause i have the lump now.

and because i'm a giant waste of an idiot, i've decided i'm still going to try to write the novel. for NaNoWriMo. while working and doing work words. and 2 Good Omens zines. and Patreon. and commissions. and my regular WIPs. and cleaning my house. and so on.

giant waste of an idiot.

ANYWAY. most of you have probably already seen this on my other social media but just in case you haven't, i have two polls out about my novel. mainly because i have too many fucking ideas and styles, so i'm letting the general populace help me narrow down for my first novel attempt.

i realize my FF writing is slim these days, MCU and GO being my main fandoms at the moment, but i'm still interested in Ye Olde Canons -- it's a matter of time, these days. so for those of you who know me from FF and such, your input is DEFINITELY appreciated, because you've seen sides of my work that my current fandoms haven't. :) <3

the first poll about the content of the novel is here

the second poll about the format of the novel is here

and since im still technically unemployed lemme toss the reminder that you can always find me, my sites, and my KoFi and Patreon here: https://sevdrag.carrd.co/

<3 <3 send me all the luck you can. as soon as i set up my NaNo page i'll post it here <3

COMMISSIONS and COMMITMENTS:

• Bem and Roy do Tiamat (7-10K) --> START
• MCU / Black Jewels crossover (10K+) --> FINISH OUTLINE
• PaNcaKeS (however long it is) --> POST
• Measure of Distance, new chapter --> POST
• Old Vines, new chapter --> stay 5 chap ahead of posting (updates wednesday)
• Patreon smut fic --> patrons only!

BACKBURNER STUFF:

• Sokka fic I owe Lua --> GOT THAT IDEA FROM TUMBLR GOTTA WRITE IT
• knees deep in water (but we're not sunk yet) --> finish the GO triptych

writing is hard!

---

BUT HERE! are recent fun things you may not have seen!

( Read more... )

me, belatedly looking at this list from a distance: jesus christ i'm writing 1400 different ideas and AUs and universes here why
also me, squinting: no im not in a character and pairing niche right now what do you mcfuckin mean

me, after posting: STOP LOOKING AT MY WORD COUNTS LIKE THAT AAAAAAAAA

(current (i think) masterlist here: writing / comms log)

well, butts, my paid DW expired. I’m really watching money atm so I’m not going to revive it until I’m in a better place financially. I miss my icons, and my tag abilities. butts. someday i will pay you again, DW.

Anyway this entry is just a tracking exercise for me, prioritizing my writing responsibilities for the rest of January. Buckle up, chucklefucks

( Words )

A NOTE: if you’ve commissioned me please check this list and make sure I have your info right! I FEEL LIKE I FORGOT SOMEONE??

If you’re interested:

• All of my standard Commission information.
• Commission BLITZ ROUND: the Murder Husband and I offer $20 for 2000 word blitz commissions.
• My Patreon, where for $5/mo you can vote every week to resort all of these priorities.
• PayPal if someone out there wants to give me free money, but like, you may as well get some words for it.

god how the fuck do you do normal quotes on a mobile device thats hella annoying

been meaning to update just like ive been meaning to do a lot of thingslksdjgldkfjgdf

So here I am 20 days into NaNo and still banging it out like a champ. I’ve had two goose egg days so far, but I’ve had a lot of very productive days as well (esp thanks to lassarina!) and as of today I’m about to be only ~1200 words behind actual target. That’s ~32K of absolutely original fiction I’ve written this month and I’m on track to making it 50K.

The amount was never a question for me - last year, after quitting my job and signing up for the Winterhawk exchange, I wrote 57K in 10 days; that pretty much proved to me that NaNo wouldn’t be about the wordcount - but it was about the habit. Can I write every day on something? Can I write original stuff every day? Can I write it around all the other words I do, for pay and for fandom?

I mean, yeah, sure, looks like I can.

I’ll admit, I went into November with a changed mindset. Having realized I’d been out of industry work for a year absolutely hit me in the head with the what do you have to show for yourself rock, and it led me to a new sort of determination I haven’t seen in a while. NaNo - the act of doing something daily and tracking it - was really just a crutch to get me into new habits. And it’s working — somewhat.

I’ve been much better during the day about dedicating time to words. I can write over 5000 words in one day before my brain really starts to sink. I can switch between original and work and fanfiction as I need. And I’ve been writing (nearly) daily for 20 days now, which was the goal, so yay.

But - as my fucking dumb gay ass should have predicted - regiments and discipline come in steps. And when I’m spending time on original fiction to that degree every day plus my work words, plus fanfiction stuff, I still don’t have time to do much more than... keep up. I’ve made no real progress on unfucking the house; I can keep afloat, but that’s it. Any extras cleaning I’ve done over the last few weeks has been UNdone by days where i can’t get to thinks.

[And, also, crucially and critically: I am sick. I’m sick for the first time in MONTHS, possibly since LAST WINTER. It was a good run while it lasted, but I’ve now been sick for over ten days, sinus infection / flu / fever / cough / sore throat / runny nose / sneezing / aching / stuffed head / gross feeling / no willpower to do anything / naps every day and not the fun gratuitous kind. I do need to note this because it’s also robbed me of any extra energy I might have had for additional activities.] [I don’t mind because it wasn’t like I was ever going to get sick again in my life, and this really just proves that it was having me out of a crowded office situation with tons of people and their tons of germs that helped me stay as not-sick as I did for so long.] [ Plus I always get sick on November so it’s like oh, hey, you again?]

The key will be — December, I want to say, but December always sucks. Holidays take up a lot of space for me and my family - not just time, really, we only spend a couple days together, but the energy of preparation and gifting always becomes frantic and gross by the end - and I have another niece birthday visit coming up that’ll eat up a weekend. The key will be taking this daily motivation and hanging onto it through December, and into January, and letting it morph itself into something that encompasses more than writing.

Now that I have the daily habit, I want to do the same with drawing, to just doodle something daily and let myself practice at that. I need to set days and times aside for house projects and have them be priority — not let the specter of Nano Words or Work Words be more important (Nano is of course a fallacy i use to be lazy; work words are important cause they pay).

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this ramble. About four or five days in I had a real low period and almost decided to quit NaNo because it was interfering too much with the rest of my day and words and chore schedule and grumble I didn’t know what I was doing and I should be writing work and commissions anyway and such whining. Then I woke up on day like six or seven, my head clear, realized that had been An Episode, and just pushed on with the wording. 20 days and over 30K is a success for me on projects; it’s the maintenance, the daily bits.

I dunno. There was gonna be a point to all this but now I’m just talking about the process (but in the most BORING way POSSIBLE because i dont want to get INTO the PROCESS and now I’m just CAPSING at RANDOM)

Anyway. Still here, still writing, still having successes and failures big time. Still broke! Who knew!

(It will always be a shame that ppl at tumblr cant see my brilliant DW tags; i use IFTTT to cross post, but i haven’t yet found one that will swipe up all of my DW tags and include them on the tumbles)

Hey darlings,

Update on my ongoing commissions round — Tiers 3, 4, and 5 are absolutely closed at the moment. However, Tiers 1 & 2 are still wide open, much to my surprise. Tier 1 is $20 and gets you a nice, flavorful quick take on something; Tier 2 is $35 and nets you a study of your prompt. Both will be faster turnarounds once I’ve finished my current work, so please consider helping out!

Or if commissions aren’t your style, please check out my Patreon, where I offer you the chance to prioritize my work and (eventually) will start posting snippets in advance as soon as I get a few more followers! $5/mo to tell my dumb ass what to do. Money well spent.

You guys are gonna be getting some good shit out of this round too. We have some Clint-centric humor, some fantasy-AU Winterwidow, ghost hunting in FFVIII and some absolutely devastating dragon drama from FFXIV. This is in ADDITION to FFIV Rosa-meta and Winterhawk fantasy service smut that’s on its way as well. PLUS I’m working on what would have been my Good Omens Big Bang project, which I’m using as a mental break when commissions get to be too much. someone commission me for GO dammit There is a LOT going on over here on my keyboard.

I realize I’m selling my words for money like an asshole but like i really, REALLY appreciate all of the support and help, and I absolutely promise to pay it forward next time I’m solvent. I’m in some of the nicest and best fandoms around, I swear to fuck.

Hey yall:

So on 01 September, I’ll be opening up this Patreon to try something a little fun: if you subscribe for only $5/month, you get to vote EVERY WEEK on which of my WIPs I work on and post! It’s a fun little way to get involved with what I’m writing, and it’ll help push me to get more fanfic content out for everyone.

Here’s how it will work. On Fridays I’ll post a poll. It’ll include maybe 3-4 of my WIPs, and it’ll shuffle every week, so that everything has a chance eventually and nothing gets left behind. Voting will be open all weekend, until Monday (at whatever time I crawl out of bed), and I’ll announce it on all my platforms to remind everyone, because I like attention. Then I’ll start working on that particular story from Monday until Friday; ideally I’ll be able to post on Fridays, but if not, you’ll get snippets in the Patreon that nobody else can see. Then we continue with another poll!

I’ve listed out some of my current WIPs on Tumblr, or you can check my AO3 to see what’s going on over there.

This is intended to be FUN. I need a little boost, I need a little cash, and it’ll help me get works out AND tide me over until I can open another round of commissions. (Target date for that is 01 October.) So if you like my writing, and you can spare $5/month, please help me out!

Currently unfilled commissions WILL be worked on regardless, and will be part of this as well!, but my brain needs to be working on multiple things at once and as such the polling should help direct all of it.

<3 <3

Hello as i ROLL THROUGH HERE with random things ive written and then run away again!

swallowed the dice (8383 words) by seventhe
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Final Fantasy VI
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Celes Chere/Locke Cole/Setzer Gabbiani
Characters: Celes Chere, Locke Cole, Setzer Gabbiani
Additional Tags: Clothing Porn, Threesome - F/M/M, gratuitous appreciation of locke's ass, Heist
Series: Part 8 of Sev's Commission Run 2019
Summary:

I swallowed the dice / I make my own luck now. Locke, Celes, and Setzer are taking things into their own hands in the aftermath of Kefka. They're tracking the shadows of the Empire, taking back what belongs to others, and celebrating having found a life to suit them all.

and She who made kittens put snakes in the grass (4146 words) by sevdrag
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Snakes - Character, Like a Fuckload of Snakes
Additional Tags: Parenthood, Snakes, dads, like i don't even know what to tag, Children, ????????? - Freeform, i am prepared to be defriended here, deLETE THIS
Summary:

Sometimes a family can be a doting angel, a cranky demon, and their adorable forty snake children.

amidst this bitterness (9503 words) by sevdrag
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Characters: Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes
Additional Tags: Background Winterhawk, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Series: Part 6 of Sev's Commission Run 2019, Part 2 of i'll know (soulmark universe)
Summary:

Tony’s always been fascinated by soulmarks. Like, what the fuck? There’s science that can see the soulmarks working in someone’s brain, chemical responses and nerve actions they can trace, but in the end no one really knows how it works, which is fascinating. He considers, for the four-hundredth time, writing a set of academic papers on what happens when your soulmate leaves you. Taking his own blood samples, monitoring his own brain, mathematically inscribing the pain he feels in his heart every time his left arm burns at him. It’s a field not many have looked into; he’s checked.

 

Steve and Tony, post-Civil War, and their soulmarks.

the sweetest (4513 words) by sevdrag
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Characters: Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Pietro Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff
Additional Tags: Mandatory Fun Day
Series: Part 7 of tumblr mugged me in a back alley
Summary:

Turns out Clint's favorite afternoon snack actually comes from Hydra. It's a typical day for the Avengers, really.

(Mandatory Funday PopCycle prompt)

space, in the black (5073 words) by sevdrag
Chapters: 2/2
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov (Marvel)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Firefly Setting, Alternate Universe - Firefly Fusion, Bucky don't use proper grammar, Ensemble Cast
Series: Part 5 of Sev's Commission Run 2019
Summary:

When you're livin' on a ship full up with crew, sometimes you gotta keep things to yourself, give yourself a little bit of space in the black to hold what's private an' pure. Then, other times, you just gotta say, fuck it.

[MCU/Firefly mashup.] NOW WITH THE PORN!

I’ve got a bunch of other WIPs i’ll Share later this week, but hey, IM DOING ALL THE WRITING THINGS LOOKIT

so in addition to my commissions (which are, yes, still coming) i've taken on some content writing work for with two different clients. It's easy stuff, for reasonable amounts of money - not a survivable income yet, but making enough for me to slide along until 01 May - and while some of it can be fun, i'm realizing that i don't want to be an online content writer for money.

no, it isn't meant to be interesting work. and there's a certain -- not pleasure, but the sense of having gained a skill, i guess, to be helping my brain learn how to do dumb work for money. if you all remember, i was severely overinvested in my career to the point where it was used abusively against me, so there's a good lesson for my head to learn on how to be detached.

but it isn't what i want the sabbatical to be like. i want my sabbatical to be writing, working on my own original fiction, building an audience in fandom, trying to actually go for it before i have to turn back and find a corporate job again.

it's funny cause i fucked up my money and that's why im here, pumping out silly 500 word articles for bit cash, so it isn't a complaint, more an awareness. I need the cash, but it also takes up so much of my time?

i feel like there are stories in me, stories i can tell, stories that would sell, and i want to reach for that - jump for it, have nothing to do all day except let words come out; i feel like i really could do it if i could settle down (and defeat ADHD and executive dysfunction, and depression, and my dumb body, of course) and have a month or two to really bang it out. in november i wrote 57K in 10 days because i did nothing else. i can do that.

anyway for now lol i need paid so i'm off to write some really ridiculous stuff, yay