the trick is to keep breathing

march has ended up being an incredibly rough month, to the point where i have fired it, dumped it, and tossed it into the ravine. i've been vaguely ill all month due to the weather (extended ohio winter = pain, PLUS the first time in years i've actually had to deal with winter-related SAD depression), stress-triggered flareups (wedding stuff, mostly, although work continues to eat up energy and the house is no better), and a general malaise and lack of fucks to give about anything ever. i'm tired, i feel light-headed, and i have a load of laundry that has been in a basket for 2 weeks sitting there and waiting for me.

i've also passed the 1-year anniversary of losing my Marzy, and that hit unexpectedly hard.

instead of going on in this vein forever (that's a future post), i want to talk about writing some more, because i made a big decision earlier this month to focus more on things outside-my-work-career - including, and focusing on, writing - and i can't seem to get motivated over anything yet. this is where the post will take a turn from the serious introspective depression shit to some wacky fanfic:

my original stories and my professional blog remain, and i have plans and ideas and drafts for them, but i feel like i have really drifted away from fanfiction in a big way. and original writing is where i want to go, however -- fanfic is/was where i could just have fun and dump words and experiment, and it has been a long time since i've had motivation to really dive into a juicy fanfic that's just kind of fun and zero-fucks (or as few fucks as possible) and reminds me how to do plot and things rather than just snippets and character interactions and etc etc.

i've obviously lived in FF fandom like forever, and i still have ideas and things to explore there, but i'm also considering branching out into other old and fucking dead fandoms because i'm always behind the times and dumb -- and because writing in a new space i've never written in before could be fun inspiration.

i'm looking for some chatter and inspiration so who would like to talk about the following fandoms: Final Fantasy series, as always; Harry Potter (Marauders era); Criminal Minds; Black Jewels trilogy; the Hobbit movie trilogy; the Kushiel series; and i'm sure there's something else there...:

( and more words about making words )

The real question becomes, where to start with it all; I need something (or a couple things) to dive into, to be excited about again, to maybe not care about so much that it gets all clogged up in trying to be specific and accurate and too much? To just have fun writing like I used to?

on one hand, i want to start small - a list of prompts, a prompt a week, like Rina and I intended for 2017: pieces that can be bits if i need, like warm-up exercises. on the other hand, i want to dive back into bigger things, longer things, chapters i can post (pseudo)live and have fun with.

where to start?

please blab at me

the end

...that requires some backstory:

I've an original fiction world in which I've already planned at least a trilogy and a short story. The premise is easy: vampires and werewolves in space! The manifestation is more complex: lesbian werewolves and a genderqueer/genderfun vampire travel space looking for new planets with their magical were/vamp/magical girl pilot! The details are even more complicated: how do other planets, moons, suns, stars affect Earth-based fantasy archetypes? It's fantasy space trash, but with a purpose!

The world is, so far, in my head. Would anyone be interested in leaving me silly prompts to play with this month? I don't necessarily expect anyone to be interested in original fiction / original fic verse (although if you are -- awesome!!), but prompts would help me flesh everything out and get warmed up to writing! I will obviously post everything although of course no one is required to read & respond & comment or anything.

If you'd like to help, please prompt away!

So I said in a comment that I actually expect FFXIII to become a decent writing fandom for me because of the holes and confusion in said story. That's pretty true: I write more for fandoms that didn't necessarily feel complete or sensical to me (FFIV, what with the LUNAR WHALE and all; FFVIII's plot holes and weirdly focused storytelling) than I do for ones that felt more or less complete (FFVI and FFX being good examples here – I loved both games, but I don't feel as compelled to write for them as I do for other fandoms. It isn't that VI and X don't have things to explore or holes in their stories – they do! – and some of it is character draw between all of the games, sure; but I just don't feel like I have as much to add in those canons as I do for IV and VIII). I liked FFXIII enough to think about dabbling in it fannishly, at least, and since my writing has more or less dried up and been left for dead, I want to tentatively encourage anything that gets me excited about words again.

So here's what I want to do, to take my mind off of my job: I want to talk about the characters in FFXIII, and I want to talk about things that I liked, and I want to talk about things that I want to read, or want to write. And then I want you guys to talk back about characters and rec me good fics! First, rec me anything that's good from FFXIII, whether or not it matches with stuff I am into, because good fic is wanted and needed and I'm always excited about new stuff in a new fandom. But second, if you can think of anything that will fill some of those holes I'm feeling pretty keenly, please hand it over! self-reccing is totes okay too. give me fic please. Or, if you see something that looks like fun, prompt me! Or make me prompt you! FUN GAMES IN SEV'S JOURNAL: THE MUSICAL.

( FFXIII Characters – possible game spoilers I guess )

In having written all of this, I'm seeing a couple trends. In addition to FFXIII being about trust/betrayal, right/wrong, truth/lies, it's also about family, including families of choice. And I like that. But I also like the dark undercurrents in so many of these character-character relationships, because I have bad taste in everything. The Fandom Hell Bus is coming to pick me up. Get in; I'm driving

THIS GOT REALLY LONG.

SOMEBODY HELP ME OUT HERE.