the trick is to keep breathing

march has ended up being an incredibly rough month, to the point where i have fired it, dumped it, and tossed it into the ravine. i've been vaguely ill all month due to the weather (extended ohio winter = pain, PLUS the first time in years i've actually had to deal with winter-related SAD depression), stress-triggered flareups (wedding stuff, mostly, although work continues to eat up energy and the house is no better), and a general malaise and lack of fucks to give about anything ever. i'm tired, i feel light-headed, and i have a load of laundry that has been in a basket for 2 weeks sitting there and waiting for me.

i've also passed the 1-year anniversary of losing my Marzy, and that hit unexpectedly hard.

instead of going on in this vein forever (that's a future post), i want to talk about writing some more, because i made a big decision earlier this month to focus more on things outside-my-work-career - including, and focusing on, writing - and i can't seem to get motivated over anything yet. this is where the post will take a turn from the serious introspective depression shit to some wacky fanfic:

my original stories and my professional blog remain, and i have plans and ideas and drafts for them, but i feel like i have really drifted away from fanfiction in a big way. and original writing is where i want to go, however -- fanfic is/was where i could just have fun and dump words and experiment, and it has been a long time since i've had motivation to really dive into a juicy fanfic that's just kind of fun and zero-fucks (or as few fucks as possible) and reminds me how to do plot and things rather than just snippets and character interactions and etc etc.

i've obviously lived in FF fandom like forever, and i still have ideas and things to explore there, but i'm also considering branching out into other old and fucking dead fandoms because i'm always behind the times and dumb -- and because writing in a new space i've never written in before could be fun inspiration.

i'm looking for some chatter and inspiration so who would like to talk about the following fandoms: Final Fantasy series, as always; Harry Potter (Marauders era); Criminal Minds; Black Jewels trilogy; the Hobbit movie trilogy; the Kushiel series; and i'm sure there's something else there...:

( and more words about making words )

The real question becomes, where to start with it all; I need something (or a couple things) to dive into, to be excited about again, to maybe not care about so much that it gets all clogged up in trying to be specific and accurate and too much? To just have fun writing like I used to?

on one hand, i want to start small - a list of prompts, a prompt a week, like Rina and I intended for 2017: pieces that can be bits if i need, like warm-up exercises. on the other hand, i want to dive back into bigger things, longer things, chapters i can post (pseudo)live and have fun with.

where to start?

please blab at me

the end