the trick is to keep breathing

it's incredible how much my mental shitshow fog has calmed down, knowing that I am going to get a break this week. It's like my whole body is sighing in relief.

I came in today to finish up some stuff - leave the office in a decent state, so that I can come back to a decent state, and so that I have less to worry about while I am out. (It isn't much - it's like saying 99 is less than 100 - but it's less.)

I'm leaving work early today, and then I will be off until next Monday. I talked to my boss, and there's only one major thing I would be expected to work on if it comes through - it may not - and if that's the case it can be done for home and I won't lose the hours I spend on it. I talked to a couple other managers briefly about my health as well, not because it's their business but because I know gossip can fly, and I want them to know what's going on with me, in case it takes longer than expected. I'm covering my bases the best I can. This place doesn't need me to run in the short-term, but that doesn't mean it's easy to slip out of its clutches.

Last night I sat with a glass of wine and tried to make some plans for this microsabbatical. I realize that the goal is to de-stress and Curaga the burnout, but part of that involves doing things I've been wanting to do for a while, doing things that will make me happy. So I made a list of everything I wanted to do around the house so that I could cherry-pick the most satisfactory of those tasks and make sure I was armed and ready to defeat them. (It ended up being a matrix. Color-coded. Multiple pages. Engineering to-do lists are so grand.)

I also laid out some of my hobby-work in the hopes of sparking some creativity. I find that creative motivation is one of the first things to go when I'm overworking (hence, the extreme lack of words in the past two years), and I'd like to find a way to make creative expression more sustainable because I think it could be a good counterbalance. I laid out some knitting patterns, dug out some beads, and eyeballed the laptop that has the lesbian werewolves in space on it.

This way I have an approach that can be active, rather than passive. Even though it seems like all I do is sleep these days, I know I won't go back feeling any different if I just sit on my couch. I want to have some things mixed in with all the relaxing. Having said that now, I have guaranteed I will sleep for 42 hours straight.

I'm not going to say my brain feels anything like good right now, but it feels better than it has in a long time knowing that I will have a couple breaths of space in my hands very soon.

THE OTAKON PHOTOS ARE IN. I've been waiting to post all the pictures together in one big massive love-fest, because this year was just FANTASTIC. I'm including my favorites here (basically, the terrible and hilarious ones, as well as photoshoot ones that are just awesome) and I highly suggest you all look at them, especially if you like FFVI, but also if you need a GOOD LAUGH and some AWESOME COSPLAY in your life. And who doesn't?

I haven't yet uploaded yi_sen's shots of the Braska/Auron/Jecht PHOTOBOMBING, so, uh. Those will be later.




WARNING: METRIC SHIT-TONNE OF PHOTOS.

( FFVI Photoshoot and Outtakes! )

And now, the out-takes:

( FFVI Continues... )


The FFVI photoshoot is here, and the outtakes (and the rest of my photos) can be found here. There are some really good solo shots in the photog's album, and there are some more funny bar shots in my album, whichever you prefer. ;)

Seriously, I had the world's shittiest day today, and this made my life. I LOVE YOU GUYS.

Dearest drakonlily,

Best wishes on your birthday the anniversary of your 21st birthday. Have a great time being old like me 21.

All my love,
Sev