the trick is to keep breathing

I’m sure I’ll get on the 2019 retrospective train soon, but right now I want to capture thoughts and goals for 2020. Not just for writing, but for life, as well. I’m trying to simplify everything because I’m so fucking malleable day to day; if I have the overall goal and a timeline, I can make my daily goals fit whatever mood / health / shape I end up in every day, which should work.

TW: I’m talking about health / weight in my goals, but it’s all in regards to me.

( “2020 )

I’m working on turning all of these into quantifiable goals I can track in spreadsheets (my one true love!), so we’ll see. Public accountability occasionally works, usually when I drop into BDBD and tell people I need to be screamed at. How to turn that into 2020 success? WE SHALL SEE.

well, it's 11 January; I've mourned 2017; I've tentatively dipped a few toes into the water of 2018; and I have a plan.

I've set some goals for myself: I have some that will be goals for the year, but with all of the shit going on right now, I've decided to run my life like I ran the pilot plant: quarterly goals, evaluation, and adjustment of said goals, with monthly check-ins.

I had a great set of plans for January, but then we decided to get fucking married and now I really need to reevaluate larger goals in that light. The wedding is 14 April, which means that - even though we are going for the most informal wedding ever - we still need to get information out to people who need to travel as soon as possible.

As I am a nerd who loves symbolism, I have decided that the theme of this year is 5H: Home, Health, Hobbies, Habits, and [some H word that really means Vocation] (i haven't picked the last one so I am open to suggestions):
- Home means the continuation of reclaiming my house from the Black Hole disaster, and working towards floor replacement, kitchen remodel, new bedroom set, basement setup, and porch renovation.
- Health means continuing work to get control of my fibro, eat better and drink less, add exercise back into my routine, and lose weight.
- Hobbies means creating spaces in my time where I can pursue my creative (and noncreative) hobbies: writing, doodling, knitting, gaming, anything else I decide to pursue; it means giving them priority space in my schedule.
- Habits means consistency. I need to build it. It means finding what works. My word for 2018 will probably be sustainability because that's the core of what I need to figure out.
- Vocation (or whatever word) means finding satisfaction in my work; figuring out what it is about this kind of work that I love doing, figuring out if this new position can become something fulfilling or if it is, after 13 years, time to move on from this company.

So let's have a minute or two and talk about what I want to establish the beginning of this year, and some of the yearly goals overall...

( and i'm good at being uncomfortable )

As for resolutions, those seem bigger and broader, so after reflection those need to be in a different post. One thing I can say is that I am devoting these first three months of work in the honor of:

• Emma Swan
• Avatar Korra
• Carrie Fisher / General Princess Leia

yes, i'm an old, but may these badasses guide me through the beginning of this year.

You can all start laughing now, because I went back to look at my November Goals post and there wasn't one because I never fucking analyzed my October Goals Post and it's fucking December omg I am such a waste of space throw me in the ravine and be done with me.

Here's the post. september. wowfuck.

1. Feymarch
Well, I actually got everything on this list finished, with the help of family mostly. The house was overall decluttered, although I did lose time at the end and thus there are a couple nooks where clutter was hidden that I need to make sure I go through before I lose momentum. I redid the entire dining room - table, chairs, light fixture, other furniture, decor - and did, successfully, host Thanskgiving, although that's another fun story for another time. I'm still working in the master bedroom, but I've gotten a lot of it cleaned up, and am ready to start on my next clothing donation box to simplify my closet.

This isn't the real goals post but the next step here is maintain and sustain -- keep what I've already done at a good point, and keep the momentum going into the living room.

2. Health
hahahahhahahahahahah lets just skip this one okay

I didn't really manage any of this. I packed lunch a couple times, but not consistently. I continued to need FMLA time in the mornings and sometimes all day which is not a good. I didn't work out at effing all because I am dumb. I need, need, need to fucking focus on this but with everything else going on its so easy to throw aside my body when there's more cleaning to do.

3. Hobbies
I'll throw NaNo in here, because it started but it surely did not happen, boy howdy did it not. Didn't write anything else, didn't beat Heavensward, didn't finish that scarf (although I did make a hat); other than about 15K of NaNo I didn't do any of this. Fricking dumb.

4. Other I did manage a cleanup of the basement! That was part of the Thanksgiving prep. I dyed my hair but no one noticed. All the other stuff is still lingering.

So: who sees the problem here, and ten points for the first person who says balance

The thing is: not captured here, I had extensive bullet journal entries for everything that needed to be done before Thanksgiving, and I did in fact hit those on the head. groceries, meals, cooking schedule, cleaning, tiny tasks - I have lists on lists that were checked off successfully. so in that case I feel accomplished: I Did The Thing, I hosted Thanksgiving, I prepared the meal and had my nieces for 2 nights and kept the peace and M made it for 7 hours at my house before she started to have an allergy attack.

It just dangerously echoes what I did with the Black Hole, right?, where I focused on one thing and one thing only and didn't have time / energy / fucks to focus on anything else. NOW AGAIN I was focused on a holiday with a deadline and there was an absurd amount of preparation required, so I don't want to be too hard on myself: a narrow focus was in fact required! But like. Okay, what's next?

Next is of course the holidays, which I do celebrate, and which are always overwhelming, so... It's time to think about this to-do list thing, consider my own limitations, and make some goals that make sense.