the trick is to keep breathing

no, this is not the post about job search depression. not yet.

I participate in Get Your Words Out every year as something that motivates me to make words, much like NaNoWriMo -- it isn't necessarily about "winning" either, but it's about having a reason to track words, which then becomes having a reason to write. In 2020 or 2021, I forget which, I managed to write somewhere near 350,000 words. What a fuckin' banger. A lot of it was Old Vines, and some of it was work words, and all of it was fun as hell.

The thing I noticed at the end of the year, however, was that my writing was just inconsistent -- I was carrying myself towards that goal with days where I wrote 5000, 7000 words in one day, and then not writing for the next 4 days in a row. So if I could get my ASS to the COMPUTER to do the THING, i usually could get a significant number of words done. So let's focus on that, sez my brain, and we'll be a super-writer.

2022 Sev said well, hey, there's a habit pledge for GYWO, so: I took it, with the rather extreme idea of writing 240 days out of the year. that's like 4-5 days a week. But hey! It isn't wordcount! Although I still fucking decided I was going to try to write 300,000 words. just 300K. Not 350K. lol. I'm stupid.

Then at the beginning of 2022 I lost my content writing job - more like, they hired someone full-time and let all the contractors go without warning, yes, I'm still mad - and therefore lost one of the major impetus for me actually sitting down at the computer to write. Plus, I'd been counting work words as part of the yearly target -- which I think is fuckin fair when you write for a living, yeah?, so.

And then as I realized other work had also dried up and I was going to have to start major job hunting - and then the experience of that job hunting - there was a depression zone where I absolutely dried up on words. Like, nearly completely. Most of my WIPs just kind of hung in space, and I had to start an entirely new Good Omens fic (forth the fifth) to have anything going on, and THEN it was only a super-hyperfixation on Detroit: Become Human that really pulled me out of the wordslump and back into writing things. Getting back to the WIPs has been challenging.

And with my new job, there aren't wordcounts I can tally towards anything -- I'm writing and editing at the same time, and sometimes working on things like how the fuck do we cite this and a surprising amount of meetings, and the moral of this story is that I'm unlikely to make either my formal or informal GYWO target this year -- which again, I don't do it for the win, but boy howdy did I misjudge this year.

And what have I learnt about my writing process this year? Since that was the entire point of trying a new target and a new approach? Well, fuck, I'm not sure I've learnt anything, except that it's more fun to write when people are directly cheering you on, which isn't anything new. As of today I've written about 150K, and 135 days out of the year. I am 69 days behind where I should be and there are like. Idk. 70 days left in the year? So obviously I'm not gonna make it lol.

Anyway this has been a long ramble about things that are only important in my head, with no real conclusion. Clearly I am a professional! And I need to get back to actual work!

Stay tuned for NaNoWriMo, where I try to get my 3 FTH fics out in a month while still updating at least 3 WIPs! oh my god, why am i like this? I'm so stupid?

Talk to me about your 2022 writing (or creating in general, if you're a creator but not a writer!). How did you do. How dumb am I. It is a mystery!

if anyone is left wondering where I went and/or why I fell off the face of the earth, I just got back from the plant (aka Midgar) -- I flew down on Monday, worked some 15-hour shifts, came back late on Thursday, and basically have slept since then, almost straight through.

I'm so behind on everything -- because of life, but this plant trip didn't help. it's fucking 10 days until Christmas, only one week until I head up to my parents' house, and the holidays are kind of like a ten pound load of stress in a five pound bag anyway: plus I still have to work (most of) this week, and I have a ton of shit to finish up before the year ends and the holidays kick in and all, and just: aaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhhh

If you've emailed me and I haven't replied, this is why. If you've commented and I'm ignoring you, this is why. If I don't get to it soon, well, uh, I'm the Avatar. Deal with it

Off to try to be productive~

As of tonight, I am off to NYC/NYCC for a horrifying/fabulous weekend. (horrifabulous?) I'm going to a convention on ankles that can't walk or stand for more than 5-10 minutes without feeling like stabbing bruises, with a lingering cough that both sounds and feels like I'm hauling the grossest parts of my lungs up through my throat, on no less than 7 prescriptions (4 of which say, dude, don't drink alcohol)--

--and it's going to be awesome. Or, I might die, but hey.

See y'all.

PS: COMMENT HERE IF U WANT SOOPER CLASSEY POSTCRAD

I WAS THERE.

IT WAS AMAZING.

I was also at a lot of bars, on a lot of (quality) trains, at a lot of delicious restaurants, and in the middle of a large amount of drunk. Zero Fucks Weekend Round Two: New York City Shame Edition was an epic success and I'll update everyone some more when I'm not being kicked out of work for actually being too sick to be here. (I promise I'll leave when my work is done, people, but it ain't done yet)

But I thought you should all know that Bjork's show and new album are just as amazing as she always is, and I am still worshipping at her sparkly, big-haired, amazing-voiced altar.