seventhe: (Default)

no, this is not the post about job search depression. not yet.

I participate in Get Your Words Out every year as something that motivates me to make words, much like NaNoWriMo -- it isn't necessarily about "winning" either, but it's about having a reason to track words, which then becomes having a reason to write. In 2020 or 2021, I forget which, I managed to write somewhere near 350,000 words. What a fuckin' banger. A lot of it was Old Vines, and some of it was work words, and all of it was fun as hell.

The thing I noticed at the end of the year, however, was that my writing was just inconsistent -- I was carrying myself towards that goal with days where I wrote 5000, 7000 words in one day, and then not writing for the next 4 days in a row. So if I could get my ASS to the COMPUTER to do the THING, i usually could get a significant number of words done. So let's focus on that, sez my brain, and we'll be a super-writer.

2022 Sev said well, hey, there's a habit pledge for GYWO, so: I took it, with the rather extreme idea of writing 240 days out of the year. that's like 4-5 days a week. But hey! It isn't wordcount! Although I still fucking decided I was going to try to write 300,000 words. just 300K. Not 350K. lol. I'm stupid.

Then at the beginning of 2022 I lost my content writing job - more like, they hired someone full-time and let all the contractors go without warning, yes, I'm still mad - and therefore lost one of the major impetus for me actually sitting down at the computer to write. Plus, I'd been counting work words as part of the yearly target -- which I think is fuckin fair when you write for a living, yeah?, so.

And then as I realized other work had also dried up and I was going to have to start major job hunting - and then the experience of that job hunting - there was a depression zone where I absolutely dried up on words. Like, nearly completely. Most of my WIPs just kind of hung in space, and I had to start an entirely new Good Omens fic (forth the fifth) to have anything going on, and THEN it was only a super-hyperfixation on Detroit: Become Human that really pulled me out of the wordslump and back into writing things. Getting back to the WIPs has been challenging.

And with my new job, there aren't wordcounts I can tally towards anything -- I'm writing and editing at the same time, and sometimes working on things like how the fuck do we cite this and a surprising amount of meetings, and the moral of this story is that I'm unlikely to make either my formal or informal GYWO target this year -- which again, I don't do it for the win, but boy howdy did I misjudge this year.

And what have I learnt about my writing process this year? Since that was the entire point of trying a new target and a new approach? Well, fuck, I'm not sure I've learnt anything, except that it's more fun to write when people are directly cheering you on, which isn't anything new. As of today I've written about 150K, and 135 days out of the year. I am 69 days behind where I should be and there are like. Idk. 70 days left in the year? So obviously I'm not gonna make it lol.

Anyway this has been a long ramble about things that are only important in my head, with no real conclusion. Clearly I am a professional! And I need to get back to actual work!

Stay tuned for NaNoWriMo, where I try to get my 3 FTH fics out in a month while still updating at least 3 WIPs! oh my god, why am i like this? I'm so stupid?

Talk to me about your 2022 writing (or creating in general, if you're a creator but not a writer!). How did you do. How dumb am I. It is a mystery!

seventhe: (Cats: I LIKE THEM)

(content note: me still talking about my damn fall)

In some ways I already live disabled, so there hasn't been a lot of transition. Take meals, for example: because I live with fibro, I already know what frozen things to stock up on that take very little input or effort and provide a tangible delicious reward for putting them into the microwave. I'm always prepared for days that I can't find the fucks to actually make a meal, so the act of preparing for 3-4 weeks where I can't actually make a meal isn't that far from my regular life. Nothing odd there; I already eat a lot of paninis because sandwiches are dumb easy to make and putting a sammich into the panini maker improves its awesomeness by a factor of a lot.

Likewise, I already don't shower daily, because in the last few years my fibro has developed this fun game where there's a one in ten chance that the feeling of water on my skin is going to cause me to break out in painfully itchy hives that make me gruesomely uncomfortable for hours -- so using face and body wipes to stay fresh inbetween isn't that big of an adjustment.

However, not being able to fucking walk wellllll that's a big one

It's goddamned excruciating, the amount of effort it takes to go fill my water bottle, or make a cup of coffee, or even to go have a pee. Not only is it painful, but I'm at the point where I'm just irritable, so it becomes extra irritating on top of everything else. Now, granted, I'm doing a lot better than I was: I still can't walk, but I can stand for short periods of time if I'm braced on something for balance, and I can finally use my heels to help propel and direct the wheelchair, which makes that a bit easier. (Wheelchairing around when you can't use EITHER foot for ANYTHING is HARD WORK.) Getting up and down and moving from one surface to another is becoming more reliable. These are all good things!

But like. Sometimes the right one just aches no matter how I have positioned the boot, and I swear sometimes I can feel the break stitching itself back together, it hurts so much. It'll pulse with sharp jabs of pain and when it's doing that, lifting the foot at all to move the boot is like impossibly painful; I have to use my hands to do a lot of the work. And the left one is feeling better internally, but all the external bruising has finally come to the surface, so even the skin hurts and it's hard to get it comfortable no matter how I arrange it. I've been leaving it in the brace more than last week just as protection for the bruising; I'll probably put it into a compression sock this weekend.

As long as they don't have any bad news at my checkup next Wednesday I think I'm ready to get into those crutches, which I'm very eager to do. I'll have to find a backpack.

This week has been harder than last week. I'm hating the tedium more and just irritable about a lot of stuff. I haven't been able to translate pent-up energy into writing (except last night i guess) and haven't had a lot to distract me other than the Sims 4. I oscillate violently between wanting to do everything myself because I can and just wanting somebody to go make me a cup of coffee so I don't have to move. I drank a lot this week because it was better than sulking but that isn't a habit I really want to rely on during these shenanigans.

I do still at least have the wherewithal to do my paid writing jobs, which is good because I haven't seen the bill for the emergency room yet, but it's probably going to be massive.

<3

isolation

Nov. 11th, 2020 12:52 pm
seventhe: (Rosa/Rydia: got your back)

(content warnings: i just talk about the shit that's going on rn cause i gotta, but if any of it is triggering for you, be careful or scroll past)

so, as it turns out - as anyone could have predicted - i'm behind AF on nano.

look, a lot of it is that the first week of november got tied up in the hellhole that was america's election. fuck. i had done a lot of research and i knew what to expect and i STILL DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. that entire week was draining as fuck and even the relief of them finally calling it for biden was destructive and devastating in its own way. (i cried. i dont ever cry. i fucking bawled.)

and some of it is another lesson in preparation. i have a great outline for this novel! i know all the plot beats for all three plotlines! but i didn't practice getting into either character's voice, so while im still writing, it's very third-person-onmicient type, very distant, rather than the third-person-intimate that im going for.

and ive become STUPIDLY hung up on that! LIKE, ITS STOPPING ME FROM WRITING. i realize i just need to forge ahead and i'll find their voices eventually, but like, brain matter no go. head empty no thots.

SURPRISINGLY, though, if i count all words i've written (including nano, patreon, work words, fanfic, etc) i am on pace to hit the 50K. guess what I might be doing, rather than focusing entirely on the nano words. fml. etc.


my two oldest nieces are coming this weekend for their birthday celebration. when they were young i decided that instead of birthday gifts, what each girl got was a weekend alone, just with me, where we would do super fun things and they get to have all of the focused attention from their aunt and uncle. it's worked great, but this year, because of the rona, their schedules are all fucked up (you would not BELIEVE what my bro and SIL have had to work out to manage both of their jobs with 3 children under the age of 7 at home; it's crazy), and we wanted to limit the travel as well. so both girls are coming together to stay with me, to celebrate together. i'm very excited, but wow, that's also been a whirlwind.

i had to clean the entire house. the thing is, when you've been in house since march, and you're already disabled, and you're depressed, and you're tired, and you have 5 cats, the house can quickly get to a pint where you really give no more fucks about it. hugely. bigly. i had to summon my mum, Crown, and murder husband to help me out with it, but now the house is gorgeously clean and i am happy. doing all the work at once was kind of a sledgehammer to the face tho, RIP me, but i did it.

fought with Crown over a bunch of stuff too. it's resolved and we are in a better place after having it out, but that also hit me like a fucking pickup truck, thanks.

also didnt help nano.


isolation is weird. i dont mind being alone - i love being stuck in my house alone, that's like, my dream world - but i feel like i've hunkered down here in other ways as well. friends i used to talk to daily, i check in like once a week. a BIG part of that is, well, having nothing to really say. my new contract remains in covid limbo, my other work continues, and my desire to write a novel to sell is just aksjdlkasdjggs, so like, ??? why bother to talk, there's no news here, etc.

im also just not very good at staying in touch because of (reasons) and the situation is compounding that and really doubling down on it. how can i reach out to people when im spending most of my mental energy not going completely batshit??? "hey demons. it's me. your boy."

i mean i also feel like other friends are pulling back as well, probably because none of us really have anything new to say. it's just an interesting side effect of isolation, i guess?

plus it's the jazz hands depressssiioooonnnnn ~! for all of us!

i really just exist on discord these days. honestly.


ANYWAY.

i haven't yet given up on the novel, nor have i given up on trying to grow my kofi and patreon to help me out in these terrible times. ([personal profile] crankyoldman, thanks so much for the Kofi! that covers this month's entire Chewy order! <3 <3 aaaaaaa ILU and i miss you guys!!) it's just such a bizarre fucking time to be a conscious thinking creature and that's weird, i guess.


went to target and bought a bunch of men's shirts for the winter. sorry but for what i want men's clothes are vastly superior. you can't get a women's t-shirt that's long enough to go over hips or really be tucked in unless you find a "tunic length" and they're like $25. i got 3 mens tees for $18. i also now have a giant hoodie with thumbholes. bless.

plus big ass sports bras. i just want my tits to be comfortable. dont always bra them, but like when im cleaning they gotta be held. gently. softly cupped in place so that they don't get tossed around too much. i dont know where im going with this.

i just want to be comfortable here in my private cave.


the stasis of isolation. such an odd year it's been this last month.


Ko-fi for the cats || Patreon for CYOA and the novel || Sev's Pub, my creative works discord || carrd for the rest

seventhe: (SAZH)

...or, How Writing A Completely Gratuitous Good Omens Human AU Winery Based Fanfiction Led Me To A Very Personal Revelation That’s Kind Of Embarrassing, I guess.

I find myself in a place where I am simultaneously handling all of the stresses and changes from the rona very well, with very little concern, and... also not doing very well myself at all. It’s a weird dichotomy. The truth of it is exactly that: I am in fact managing the rona situation just fine, but I myself am not. That. Okay.

“well” )

seventhe: (Tifa: bad)

I’m sure I’ll get on the 2019 retrospective train soon, but right now I want to capture thoughts and goals for 2020. Not just for writing, but for life, as well. I’m trying to simplify everything because I’m so fucking malleable day to day; if I have the overall goal and a timeline, I can make my daily goals fit whatever mood / health / shape I end up in every day, which should work.

TW: I’m talking about health / weight in my goals, but it’s all in regards to me.

“2020 )

I’m working on turning all of these into quantifiable goals I can track in spreadsheets (my one true love!), so we’ll see. Public accountability occasionally works, usually when I drop into BDBD and tell people I need to be screamed at. How to turn that into 2020 success? WE SHALL SEE.

seventhe: (Cock: GIANT COCKFISTING)

a wild sev emerges from the depths of the ravine HI WHATS UP LETS TALK ABOUT NANOWRIMO, ORIGINAL FICTION, AND MY FUCKING SABBATICAL

me yelling into space about my life )

Anyway, the IMPORTANT question is about NaNo projects. I've narrowed it down to 3, because I have to start somewhere. (none of them are lesbian werewolves in space, namely because while i have the characters and worldbuilding down, the plot needs some solid work i haven't done.) Let me know what you think of the following concepts -- you don't have to vote or anything, but if something sounds interesting, I'd love to hear it.

  1. Young woman working as a non-magical analytical scientist suddenly and drastically discovers she has the specific magical ability of working a season's circle with a coven of four (spring summer autumn winter; she's autumn). The season's circle is when four witches work together to create a passageway between the [land of the fey] and the human's world, allowing an (1) powerful being to step through or back. This particular circle is attempting to summon a cool demon-type dude who is powerful enough to stop an entity called the Oak King, who's basically spreading dark magic through the land etc etc. The circle has been holding on to the magic with only 3 witches but they need the 4th to complete the rite. Unfortunately, Amber has no fucking clue how any of this works and basically gets stabbed with her power; Summer really hates her for some reason; she has to come to terms with Autumn being the season of death; and who the hell is going to finish her analytical work while she spends three months in a season's circle coma? Additional options include: background romance, Gay, lots of fun worldbuilding, urban fantasy type setting where this could be the real world just with some magic bullshit.

  2. Sassy idiot lady born with the power to scry into the past uses her magic and tools to make a living exploring things for fussy customers who want answers. Lives in a rough edge of town, doubles at a bar for free food, manages to get by in the grey area between the brightness of the City and the darkness of the Void. One day a scry doesn't work, which has never happened in her career, and she starts finding out other magics are failing: the bar owner's beer went off, her father's healing magic didn't come when called, etc etc. She's eventually sought out by [the equivalent of a detective] to help [a City murder case] but drags him into finding out what's going on in their small town as recompense. Turns out the two are related, but she doesn't have any other magical powers and doesn't know how to fight off this [creature] that's slowly moving in on their City. Bisexual protag and this is definitely Not Our World. Additional options include: Karma Knights (when killing someone is right, they're the ones who do it), Wild Gay Fairy, this world could easily explode if i let it.

  3. Young lady was born with a huge reservoir of magical energy but lacks the ability to channel it all. Having been abandoned/orphaned (not sure yet) she's now training with the dwarves to learn how to be a healer, figuring she may as well try it. Her (erstwhile; somewhat removed) cousin has the gift to heal the earth, and asks Enna to come on her pilgrimage across the Civil Lands and into the Nolands to try to heal the damage so that the land can be used [think: remnants of a nuclear apocalypse healed by elemental magic]. Cousin, her existing band of jolly protectors, and Enna set out across the absolute disaster of the journey, haunted by demons and Nightmares, often having to invent new ways to use their skills because nobody has faced this shit yet. One part FFX pilgrimage, one part Enna finding her own purpose, one part environmentalist rants in the form of a tiny girl.

Thoughts?

[edit] markdown y u always do this to me fuck ity

seventhe: (Irvine: Shoot!)
Hey darlings,

Update on my ongoing commissions round — Tiers 3, 4, and 5 are absolutely closed at the moment. However, Tiers 1 & 2 are still wide open, much to my surprise. Tier 1 is $20 and gets you a nice, flavorful quick take on something; Tier 2 is $35 and nets you a study of your prompt. Both will be faster turnarounds once I’ve finished my current work, so please consider helping out!

Or if commissions aren’t your style, please check out my Patreon, where I offer you the chance to prioritize my work and (eventually) will start posting snippets in advance as soon as I get a few more followers! $5/mo to tell my dumb ass what to do. Money well spent.

You guys are gonna be getting some good shit out of this round too. We have some Clint-centric humor, some fantasy-AU Winterwidow, ghost hunting in FFVIII and some absolutely devastating dragon drama from FFXIV. This is in ADDITION to FFIV Rosa-meta and Winterhawk fantasy service smut that’s on its way as well. PLUS I’m working on what would have been my Good Omens Big Bang project, which I’m using as a mental break when commissions get to be too much. someone commission me for GO dammit There is a LOT going on over here on my keyboard.

I realize I’m selling my words for money like an asshole but like i really, REALLY appreciate all of the support and help, and I absolutely promise to pay it forward next time I’m solvent. I’m in some of the nicest and best fandoms around, I swear to fuck.
seventhe: (SAZH)
Hey yall:

So on 01 September, I’ll be opening up this Patreon to try something a little fun: if you subscribe for only $5/month, you get to vote EVERY WEEK on which of my WIPs I work on and post! It’s a fun little way to get involved with what I’m writing, and it’ll help push me to get more fanfic content out for everyone.

Here’s how it will work. On Fridays I’ll post a poll. It’ll include maybe 3-4 of my WIPs, and it’ll shuffle every week, so that everything has a chance eventually and nothing gets left behind. Voting will be open all weekend, until Monday (at whatever time I crawl out of bed), and I’ll announce it on all my platforms to remind everyone, because I like attention. Then I’ll start working on that particular story from Monday until Friday; ideally I’ll be able to post on Fridays, but if not, you’ll get snippets in the Patreon that nobody else can see. Then we continue with another poll!

I’ve listed out some of my current WIPs on Tumblr, or you can check my AO3 to see what’s going on over there.

This is intended to be FUN. I need a little boost, I need a little cash, and it’ll help me get works out AND tide me over until I can open another round of commissions. (Target date for that is 01 October.) So if you like my writing, and you can spare $5/month, please help me out!

Currently unfilled commissions WILL be worked on regardless, and will be part of this as well!, but my brain needs to be working on multiple things at once and as such the polling should help direct all of it.

<3 <3
seventhe: Sev plays FFIII. (Oh. Okay.) (Refia: oh. okay.)

So I’ve been trying to get! My! Shit! Together! and it’s going about as well as you might think.

I’m functionally broke until 01 May, so I’ve spent a lot of time looking for online word jobs. Got two in my pocket; neither one is sustainable long-term, but any cash is good right now. Still working on commissions, even though it doesn’t look like it; I’m constantly writing these days while trying to avoid The Burnout.

Had the realization the other day that I took this break not so I could flail around doing piecemeal writing on the internet, but so that I could actually recover and get my house back and lose weight and stuff. So I’m trying to stick chunks of that work into the schedule as well. (I swear I’m going to try to swim today! Where by try i mean “try to make myself go to the pool”; i never forget how to swim.) That’s hard too, since then it takes up time where my brain is like you should be writing but. Hey. W h a t e v e r.

I’ve been having fun, though, too. Crown Royal and I have been hiking every weekend; we did a bit over 4 miles this weekend, and my asthma hates hills, but it was nice. Did a drinking-night rewatch of Winter Soldier last night with a handful of friends from my accidental MCU Discord, which was freaking hilarious. Lots of capslock, ranting, and swooning. It isn’t all stress.

Sometimes i wonder how i can be such a fuckin waste of space all the time lol

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Page generated Jun. 11th, 2025 01:43 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags