the joys of home ownership, chapter eight thousand of a neverending series

[seventhe]

this chapter better entitled: The Joys Of Closing, or: Cuyahoga Falls, Get Yer Shit Together

so my new house gets its utilities from Cuyahoga Falls*. Over the weekend I was chatting via email with my real estate agent and on Mon she sent me a reminder saying, you should remember to set up utilities to transfer into your name on Thursday when we close.

[Time out: I'M CLOSING ON THURSDAY. AS OF THURSDAY I HAVE BOUGHT A HOUSE. THE HOUSE IS MINE. OH MY GOD. I keep forgetting this and then remembering it at horrible times; I've spent the last three days having big gay freakouts in a variety of flavors (fuck! Awesome! Oh my god! WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING!, it's party time!, when the fuck am I going to move, etc.)]

So Monday I call the Cuyahoga Falls utilities office. and they're like, you have to come in person to set that up. Really? Seriously? In 2013 I have to actually show up in your freaking office in person to get utilities transferred to my--- okay, whatever, sure. Bring photo ID, a check to pay your deposit, and the papers from the bank. We haven't closed yet, I say; closing is on Thursday. It's okay, says the phone guy; bring the copy of the contract and the papers from the bank.

So I took off 2 hours of "personal business/emergency" time for this morning and planned to sleep in a bit and head right to CF when they opened.

Except that of course when I actually get there the woman is like "you haven't closed yet? We can't set this up until you've closed."

"I have a copy of the signed contract," I say.

"Yeah, but we have to know that everything went through and the house is yours before you do that. That's just the way that we operate. You'll have to come back on Thursday."

oooooooookay

First: so I can't close until I have utilities transferred --> but I can't transfer utilities until the house closes --> oookay so how do house then???

Second: okay, this one is much more personal, but: My time is my most valued and valuable resource in my life. Doubly so the time that I have off of work. So to have two hours of my off-work time wasted by this bullshittery is really frustrating on a level it shouldn't be: it's just two hours, it's just errands, the real estate agents can call the office and work out whatever, it isn't a big deal -- except that it triggers this deep feeling of horribly stressed anger in me, that two hours that could have been a respite from my job have been wasted on administrative bureaucratic bullshittery because people can't get their shit together when telling me things on the phone.

I just. GAH! It isn't a big deal. It's a very small deal. But I am still pissed.



*I don't really feel weird posting this online - most of you know generally where I live, and lots of houses get utilities from CF so it isn't too much of a giveaway - and ideally someone from CF will find this via the Googles and have a great change of heart and decide to be so much more helpful in the future and also send me a fruit basket and an apology, so the town name stays. Don't fucking stalk me though.

Comments

[novel_machinist]

I'm going to send you a fruit basket. But it will have to be the most horrible fruit.

[seventhe]

I thought you and I were the most horrible fruits

[ambersweet]

So when you get an empty basket delivered to your new front door, you'll know why.

Also what kind of utility company requires you to do ANYTHING in person? (Then again, I'm losing my mind because in order to change my name with SSA I have to show up in person (or mail in ORIGINAL versions of my identity docs, hahahahahano) to their offices. They're open 9-3 Monday through Friday, except on Wednesdays, when they close at NOON. (Guess what day of the week it was when I went by at 12:05 and learned this?)

[seventhe]

I seriously don't understand all of this. It's the electric and gas bills. You know the address they will be going to, it's the address of the house I'm buying. Just put my name on them and mail them to me AT THAT ADDRESS. J.F.C.

(That sounds like an amusement park and a half! JK)

[ambersweet]

I really, really fail to understand the attitudes here. Is there an epidemic of people signing up to pay other people's utility bills that must be stopped? We just moved into a duplex and we couldn't switch the service into our name until the previous tenants had called to establish the date their service was ending. (We couldn't move in until the utilities were in our name, of course.) I don't know how many times Jack had to call back to see if we could set up our service... but at least we didn't have to show up in person, jfc.

[seventhe]

I seriously would like to know what they really think I'm going to do even if the utilities stay in the other person's name for a day or two: am I gonna go into the new place and crank the heat up to 85F and turn on all the faucets and let the stove run and open the refrigerator door???

[albijuli]

And in this moment, I swear we wished we were all Time Mages.

[seventhe]

That is quite possibly the best way of putting this that I have ever encountered

[albijuli]

I've been in too many similar situations to not have a succinct sentence of the experience by now.

[whitemage]

You will be stalked by fruit baskets.

[seventhe]

THE GRAPEFRUITS ARE WATCHING ME

[whitemage]

So are the oranges...

[seventhe]

WHAT

THE

ACTUAL

FUCK

[whitemage]

Welcome. To. Hell.

[seventhe]

SDKALFKL;FLASDKASL;DKAL;SDKL;ASKD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[whitemage]

Apparently all 5 year olds find this show amusing. Except for mine. Who sat and stared at the screen for a while, then apparently demanded someone bring him his Nerf shotgun. I gave birth to Rufus ShinRa.

[seventhe]

I can't decide whether you should be pleased or afraid.

[temples]

Don't ask for a pumpkin in your fruit basket. I don't even know if a pumpkin is a fruit, but I know how badly they smell when they decompose. DEATH TO PUMPKINS.

Congrats on closing, by the way!

[seventhe]

Absolutely random story: in my first Akron apartment I had gotten a pumpkin for Halloween but forgot it was out on my balcony and left it there through December or January... When I received an anonymous note asking "apartment c" to "please remove the rotting pumpkin from the porch".

[temples]

I can one up that: I'm living in an on-campus house now and one of the girls living with me got a pumpkin for Halloween but didn't put it out, because it would have just gotten smashed by drunken teenagers. It sat in the foyer for three months, turned black, and started leaking all over the place.

I HAVE PICTURES.

[seventhe]

I am actually finding it ridiculously funny that we both have rotting pumpkin stories