seventhe | on writing, again (Reply)

i think i've miscalculated a bit on my writing projects.

last year i wrote over 300,000 words, work and fiction and fanfic combined. it was great. so i said, hell, let's go for 350,000 this year (i am a member of Get Your Words Out) and see what happens.

but i kind of got ... locked up. old vines finished early this year, and there it was, the biggest writing project i've ever completed, done. i had a big worry about "what's next" and "do something as big this time." the concept for new roads has been sitting in my backbrain for years (thanks, feral server) and so i said, yeah, this is what's going to come next.

for some reason, it isn't coming. it's still a story i very much want to write, but my head isn't in that place right now. i have a great outline and beats to hit and i open the document up and stare at it for a while, daily, until i just close it again.

i think i've made a mistake with trying to be predictable -- scheduling things. i wanted NR to some out every 10 days, but what that does is stop my brain from working on anything else if i haven't done new roads, even if i can't write NR at the time, and that just ...plugs everything up.

this is why im also taking a break from zines and events -- it's that commitment to a due date, i think? i'm not sure, but like, it feels that way. zine pieces i have to craft to get within the wordcount, which makes them good (IMO), but then you sit on the piece without feedback for a while and it's strange. i've been lucky enough to get into every zine (5? 6?) i've applied for and it's really awesome seeing my work presented as such, but like. i think that's also enough for the time being.

same with He Thinks Like A King, the fratt big bang piece that slots into place in my Marvel / Criminal Minds AU universe. it's so good, so fuckin good, the art i got is amazingly inspiring, and then the time i had set aside to hammer down and finish the fucker up ... vanished when i fell down some fucking stairs. so now i open that one, stare into it, and close it again. HTLAK is going to be some time.

(and yeah, a bunch of commissions. i. uh.)

anyway, i'm way behind on my wordcount for this year, to the point where i fell behind in tracking it, even, because stares into my own brain (accusingly). i know i can catch up but it's only going to happen if i can get myself out of this feeling of writing-for-obligation and back into writing-for-joy.

not quite sure yet HOW to do it, but oh well