the trick is to keep breathing

She's not Matron, really. Have you worked that out yet, Squall? Or don't you remember anything about her? Have they even told you what's going on?

Matron. Mother. I'd have called her that, given the chance. Maybe I should have called her that. And just as I think that, here comes the voice, the grating intrusion in my skull that says nasty things and makes me want them, says kind things that are the worst of its poison. You kan kall me Mother, if you like, she says, silently, and she lifts her hand, Matron's hand, to my shoulder. There's no one here to see, just a private moment between sorceress and knight before we get up on the float and go out there -- Mother and son? the voice offers, and it leaves me feeling sick -- and she kisses my forehead like I'm a kid again.

I could never have been this cruel. I could goad and sting but I was an amateur. I couldn't tear into you, Squall. Maybe a little longer and she'll teach me how, so I can mock you for your fear of being alone and then you'll look at me, you won't be able to ignore me. I can tear you down and be the one offering the hand up, and you'll hate me and you'll need me. I can learn to make you all need me, like I need her.

"Are you ready?" She speaks aloud now, in Matron's voice. A mother's voice. Sounds kind, but I can hear the words behind it, the soundtrack in my head like a chainsaw: Are you going to screw this up? Half her voice and half my own. She plants her seeds and whispers her kindnesses and every spark becomes a flame. I'm indispensable and worthless all at once, and either way I'm totally at her mercy.

Are you ready, Squall?

Her hand squeezes my shoulder again. Reassuring, you'd think, but her nails bite in even through my trenchcoat, leave more of her marks on me.

You have no idea the shit we're all in, I know. You're just here on orders, aren't you? I know you'll be here somewhere, watching from the crowd. Watching my moment of triumph, ready to cut me down. You have to do it, Squall. I'll hate you for it, I'll fight you for it, but you have to win. I need you to hate me enough. I need you to do this.

"Worthless pup," that voice says in my head. "Show me what you kan do."

So I'm straightening up, blade easy in my hand, and I'm ready to do whatever she asks. You'd better be ready, because I won't be holding back. She needs me. Matron needs me.

Fuck, Squall, we need you. You better know what you're doing.

(now on AO3)

Also, sorry I couldn't make it Ultimecia/Seifer, it just wouldn't go even though I tried to get it in there. My Seifer voice just didn't want to make it explicit to Squall that that was part of this too. But the prompt is what set me off, so I hope you like it anyway.