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seventhei have not died. i am, sadly, still here. i have been super busy with things both planned (Coven Weekend over Labor Day, yay!) and unplanned (new furnace/AC, $5K, "yay") and somewhat planned but out of my control (i have a new niece, yay! that makes three!) and with all of it going on i slipped downward in one of my usual "i am overstimulated, this has been too many people and too many things happening" depression spirals, the bottom of said barrel having hit wednesday of this week: so at least i'm on my way back up now.
my depression sneaks up on me like that, when i'm doing too much and yet not enough (i have 5 loads of laundry to do and that isn't even linens! yay!), but when it hits it's very familiar and recognizable. oh: it's you again. i acknowledge it, i respect it, i sit with it and in it and i vaguely hate, and then i try to move on the next day. it's the only way i can deal, and it usually works.
a part of this particular crash is that i've stopped playing all of my mobile games - all of them, yes. i probably haven't even logged in in 2 weeks. usually it's a comfort to play a bit and give my mind a break, but for whatever reason that's the switch that flipped that time, and i found myself morbidly uninterested in doing anything with them. so, no mobile game mondays, although they'll come back; it'll slowly come back, cause they're fun as hell, it's just one ladder to climb out of this hole.
i had also stalled with music, wanting something repetitive and comforting, so i listened to like two albums over and over again for 4 weeks running. again: hi, it's depression. i've been branching out again lately so i know that bit's coming back too.
that's the hardest part about the downward spiral for me: the loss of interest, of caring, of doing your ritual routine things that help give your brain some quiet time (my brain shouts, shouts, spins and shouts) - it just goes away, and like, you just end up staring?
this time i at least fell down a hole of fanfiction, all over the place but a lot of Avengers, although that isn't productive either. ha.
how did september happen? the fuck was i?
