update that is not a shitpost

[seventhe]

Updating from the iPad is hilarious because, of course, it has autocorrect for me, and it capitalizes random things when usually if i’m Writing a blog entry i just dont capitalize it unless it’s important. See? What the hell is with you, you idiot.

My sabbatical is reaching a new phase, which makes me sad, because i feel like i’m still crawling out of the Anxiety, Depression, And Physical Damage Black Hole that i dug over 5 years, and i’ve had like, 3 months, and like the busiest 3 months to take off (Dec/Jan/Feb) and even though I’ve spent a fair number of days just reading fanfiction and eating, like, mangoes, i still know i’m not healed, and in no way ready to go back to a full-time challenging job. I keep bemoaning everything and friends always gently remind me that this is a recovery process and I am allowed to self-care and heal how I need, but i’m always feeling like i am simultaneously doing too much and too little.

Commissions are going really well!! I’ve a list of about 12 to do, which I’m always working on in the background, and it’s helpful money to tide me through until 01 May.

I’m also making some money writing (mostly accounting / economics / business stuff so far) blog content for someone a friend hooked me up with, which is some more reliable income, thankfully.

I’m also taking the steps to line up going back to the same company, as a contractor, to work part-time on an engineering project (with a concrete deadline); I’m hella not excited about going back to engineering right now, but I also owe it to myself to try this and see whether I like doing part-time contract engineering. I might enjoy it, in which case, I’ve got a lot of opportunities and a reasonable income that would support me on 16-24 hours a week. And if I don’t, I know I gotta start looking into a different career, so shrug throws self in ravine

The thing is when i ask myself what i want to do with my life i’m usually asking when I’m like, tired as fuck or having a flare up or something, and the answer is always “sleep for eight days” or “remove my spine from my body”

Anyway, those are the haps. I’ve a bunch of shitposting I’m NOT going to forget about, y’all, and I’ll be posting links to the new things I’ve written in a bit. And commissions are still open, for anyone who’s interested - I’m keeping them open at least until 01 April, probably until 01 May, although I’m now going to be taking them on a rolling basis so that I don’t get backed up.

Ugh I’m just exhausted cause I’m babysitting niece 3 and she didnt want to eat or sleep today and i just got her to sleep and i want to put my head down on this table, like, how do people have actual kids

Comments

[benjamindunbar]

I’m proud of you, god damn. Look at you go, resting and healing like a motherfucker

🧡🧡🧡

[lassarina]

♥

Gonna take time to ease out of the pit, but you're building your steps, and even if the realities of life under capitalism means those steps get delayed, you'll still build them.

[pict]

You’re such a good aunt.

Good luck with everything! I’d definitely commission you if I could afford it, but money is tight at the moment.

[sarasa_cat]

always feeling like i am simultaneously doing too much and too little.

I know this feeling all too well.

[seventhe]

I’m trying! <3

[seventhe]

The goal really is to keep CONTROL of the situation; even if it means I can’t have the break I want, the one I’ve earned, I still get to do things my way.

[seventhe]

I’m such a good aunt that I basically spent the week’s energy there and feel like I got hit w a truck oops

[seventhe]

It friggin SUCKS. like, there has to be a balance point, but that also involves turning THIS particular rhetoric OFF inyour head, and. Well. Suffice to say, I haven’t found that switch yet

[sarasa_cat]

Despite all the mindfulness meditation and secularized pysche-spiritual work I have done over the past few months, I still feel like I am circling around that damn switch and every time I think I have flipped it off, some idiot monkey in my brain flips it back on again. >___<

The only thing I know is that it takes a long time just to get into the mindset of being able to enter a place where actual body-healing and sustaintable self-care can begin.

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