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seventhe” I don’t agree with [that]--“
”It’s just how I was raised.” “That’s how I grew up.” “That's what I was taught.”
So, I have a bit of a problem with this defense, this concept!
I don’t have a problem with values and beliefs – we all have them; I think in a lot of ways a lot of them are similar if not the same. Most human beings just want the same things out of life, anyway. Our values and beliefs help to shape us, help us make conscious and unconscious choices, guide our words and actions. They are important.
And in many ways, they’re definitely formed by the way we’re brought up. Our parents have values and beliefs we either emulate or reject; our schools and teachers and friends have their own. Experience becomes a part of us (LEVEL UP!), and frankly, that’s what experience is for: to bring us lessons and data that become a part of our inner selves, one more building block in the fabulous construction of me or you, the complicated monstrosity that is us.
My problem with saying “Well, that’s just what I was taught” is that it suggests that you have stopped learning.
It is a way for people to discard and disregard beliefs, facts, assumptions they’re uncomfortable with. It is a way to dodge a self-examination and reassessment, a way to avoid a challenge. It implies a person has stopped learning, stopped growing; as if life’s valuable lessons stop at the age of [x]teen and anything that happens afterwards should and can be processed through that very first series of filters one built at a time too young to really know anything. It implies you know everything you need. It implies you’re learned it all. It implies you’re done.
And are you really? Have you really? I mean really?
“I was taught that [that] was wrong.” I believe that; I’m not even infringing on your right to believe that. What I’m asking is, have you really never re-evaluated that? Thought about it? Attacked the belief a little bit to see what unfolds?
When I was young, I was taught that touching the stove was wrong, but now I make a mad mean chili and I don’t see anything wrong with that.I know that comparing chili to a deeply intimate personal belief is a pretty big step and Fuck that noise, my chili is awesome.
Is the thought of re-evaluating that belief so very scary that you’re going to put it behind that protective fence, keeping the mad dogs out, never even letting the inquisitive little kitten in?
I learned a lot of things growing up. I was taught a lot of things too – some right, some wrong. And I was exposed to a bunch of values. But you know what? I am still learning, still growing, still seeing. I’m expanding my horizons and breaking down my walls, I’m identifying my strengths and acknowledging my weaknesses, I’m examining my privileges and challenging my worldview. I’m making observations, I’m taking new data, I’m recording freak occurrences and tracking the results. I am a student of this gigantic fucking thing called life and I’m not sure I’m ever going to stop learning – learning how right I was, how wrong I am, how smart I can be and how dumb I can feel.
No one person knows everything. This is obvious! But you also don’t develop a life’s-worth of answers until, well, until you’ve lived a life. Is your life done? Are you done collecting treasures and memories and lessons? Are you done defeating enemies and gaining experience? Is that your maximum level? Are you really going to stop there?
Because I’m not. I continue to grow. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop learning. I hope I never stop changing.
And if I believe something, if I’m going to put the weight of this fantastic sparkly obnoxious brain of mine behind something, I want it to be because I really do believe it, not just because I grew up hearing or seeing or learning things one way. I’d like to be sure; I’ve been wrong before.
I have a deep problem with people who just stop learning. And I don’t mean learning like school; I’m talking about learning from life, learning from things around you, watching shit go down and new things come up and asking questions and changing your mind. We’re allowed to change our minds; it’s one of the most beautiful and difficult things about being human.
It doesn’t make your beliefs any less, at this very moment: it simply makes them modifiable. They are transmutable, transient; apply enough heat and force and pressure and maybe something else will come out. Maybe not; maybe you’re right, and you’ll get diamonds. But I want people to own their beliefs. Give yourself agency.
Make those beliefs your own. Think them through; stand by them, put your name on them in (semi-)permanent marker and glitter paint, tuck them in the pocket of your favorite jeans. Wear them out. Make them fit.
If you disagree with me and it’s because you truly believe it and can explain, defend, can honestly tell me with your heart’s-soul: – man, that’s awesome, that’s incredible, and I respect you. If you disagree with me because you’ve stopped learning, stopped thinking, stopped looking – if you disagree because of a belief you haven’t stopped to challenge and own and make yours? – I won’t argue, but I am not sure I can respect that, either.
Now come have some chili and let’s talk about [this].
”It’s just how I was raised.” “That’s how I grew up.” “That's what I was taught.”
So, I have a bit of a problem with this defense, this concept!
I don’t have a problem with values and beliefs – we all have them; I think in a lot of ways a lot of them are similar if not the same. Most human beings just want the same things out of life, anyway. Our values and beliefs help to shape us, help us make conscious and unconscious choices, guide our words and actions. They are important.
And in many ways, they’re definitely formed by the way we’re brought up. Our parents have values and beliefs we either emulate or reject; our schools and teachers and friends have their own. Experience becomes a part of us (LEVEL UP!), and frankly, that’s what experience is for: to bring us lessons and data that become a part of our inner selves, one more building block in the fabulous construction of me or you, the complicated monstrosity that is us.
My problem with saying “Well, that’s just what I was taught” is that it suggests that you have stopped learning.
It is a way for people to discard and disregard beliefs, facts, assumptions they’re uncomfortable with. It is a way to dodge a self-examination and reassessment, a way to avoid a challenge. It implies a person has stopped learning, stopped growing; as if life’s valuable lessons stop at the age of [x]teen and anything that happens afterwards should and can be processed through that very first series of filters one built at a time too young to really know anything. It implies you know everything you need. It implies you’re learned it all. It implies you’re done.
And are you really? Have you really? I mean really?
“I was taught that [that] was wrong.” I believe that; I’m not even infringing on your right to believe that. What I’m asking is, have you really never re-evaluated that? Thought about it? Attacked the belief a little bit to see what unfolds?
When I was young, I was taught that touching the stove was wrong, but now I make a mad mean chili and I don’t see anything wrong with that.
Is the thought of re-evaluating that belief so very scary that you’re going to put it behind that protective fence, keeping the mad dogs out, never even letting the inquisitive little kitten in?
I learned a lot of things growing up. I was taught a lot of things too – some right, some wrong. And I was exposed to a bunch of values. But you know what? I am still learning, still growing, still seeing. I’m expanding my horizons and breaking down my walls, I’m identifying my strengths and acknowledging my weaknesses, I’m examining my privileges and challenging my worldview. I’m making observations, I’m taking new data, I’m recording freak occurrences and tracking the results. I am a student of this gigantic fucking thing called life and I’m not sure I’m ever going to stop learning – learning how right I was, how wrong I am, how smart I can be and how dumb I can feel.
No one person knows everything. This is obvious! But you also don’t develop a life’s-worth of answers until, well, until you’ve lived a life. Is your life done? Are you done collecting treasures and memories and lessons? Are you done defeating enemies and gaining experience? Is that your maximum level? Are you really going to stop there?
Because I’m not. I continue to grow. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop learning. I hope I never stop changing.
And if I believe something, if I’m going to put the weight of this fantastic sparkly obnoxious brain of mine behind something, I want it to be because I really do believe it, not just because I grew up hearing or seeing or learning things one way. I’d like to be sure; I’ve been wrong before.
I have a deep problem with people who just stop learning. And I don’t mean learning like school; I’m talking about learning from life, learning from things around you, watching shit go down and new things come up and asking questions and changing your mind. We’re allowed to change our minds; it’s one of the most beautiful and difficult things about being human.
It doesn’t make your beliefs any less, at this very moment: it simply makes them modifiable. They are transmutable, transient; apply enough heat and force and pressure and maybe something else will come out. Maybe not; maybe you’re right, and you’ll get diamonds. But I want people to own their beliefs. Give yourself agency.
Make those beliefs your own. Think them through; stand by them, put your name on them in (semi-)permanent marker and glitter paint, tuck them in the pocket of your favorite jeans. Wear them out. Make them fit.
If you disagree with me and it’s because you truly believe it and can explain, defend, can honestly tell me with your heart’s-soul: – man, that’s awesome, that’s incredible, and I respect you. If you disagree with me because you’ve stopped learning, stopped thinking, stopped looking – if you disagree because of a belief you haven’t stopped to challenge and own and make yours? – I won’t argue, but I am not sure I can respect that, either.
Now come have some chili and let’s talk about [this].
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no subject
Date: 2010-09-01 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-01 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-03 12:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-01 06:43 pm (UTC)I think I'd be insanely depressed if I didn't have the opportunity to learn something new every day. My parents are very much of the "well, I don't want to learn how this/that new thing works" or "I don't see the point in reading" and it's so opposite me. I thrive on adding to my knowledge base and evolving as a person.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-09-01 06:43 pm (UTC)My parents are deeply deeply old world Chinese who converted to very strict Christianity when they were younger and believe a LOT of things that I don't. I used to, when I was young, because "that's how I was raised." As I grew old, left home, BECAME AN ADULT SOB, I learned that what my parents believe was because of how they saw the world and that was NOT how I saw the world.
I don't blame my parents, and I don't in any way think they should stop believing what they believe, but it doesn't work for me.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-09-01 06:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-09-01 07:25 pm (UTC)Dude... wow. Nailed it. You are awesome and I am so glad I know you. <3
no subject
Date: 2010-09-01 11:04 pm (UTC)But I'll never make an excuse and give up, and I certainly don't WANT to be the person I was supposedly 'raised to be' - I've just noticed, this year especially, that sometimes my upbringing comes back to haunt me =/
I think, in addition to the drive to be your own person, there's also the factor of - is anyone encouraging you to think for yourself? I certainly wasn't, and was shot down when I did.
With that in mind, I'm eternally grateful for the people I surround myself with now <3
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-09-01 11:24 pm (UTC)That aside, Word.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-09-03 04:08 am (UTC)Women should not pee standing up.
There was one occasion last week in France where I had to use a bidet, and, well, I don't even know exactly how you're supposed to "aim," but let's just say that I wasn't very successful.
And to further coroborate my point, I have never seen a bidet in a French residence. Only this one time at a mall in Strasbourg.
But apparently, some people believe it's a good idea for women to pee standing up, and I guess I must salute those who can actually do it successfully.