Observations

[seventhe]

I know that fibromyalgia and depression are linked - I've done *plenty* of research - and I'm now starting to wonder how much of the depression-fits I've been having are, in fact, pain-driven. ---Not to say depression isn't depression or invalidate the fact that I'm dealing with a lot of shit!! - but I know (a) I've gotten really bad at judging pain levels because I'm in constant chronic pain, and (b) I already know my mood is affected by the pain I can't sense. I just hadn't realized that *depression* could be triggered or exaggerated by the pain I can't sense. (Don't ask me why; I would've instantly suggested it to someone else, but apparently I hold my fucked-up system to fucked-up standards.)

This week I've been so achy and inflamed and sore and just painpainpainpain that I've gone back to taking a Vicodin at night. And, this week, I've caught a second wind around 8:30 during which I feel fantastically productive: I just cleaned up & vacuumed the sunroom with very little prodding. Some night this week - not the crying one, when I did not take a Vic - I just suddenly unpacked & cleaned up & sorted & threw into the laundry allllll of the shit on my floor, some of which was the suitcase from Meg's wedding.

I don't know whether it's chance; it's an offset of the depression (I've always joked with myself that I have very manic depression); or if it's a lack of underlying static-level pain giving me the extra boost. (EDIT: or maybe it's just desperation bc the house is just that messy, cries forever)

Where's my robot body??? :/ I do not like inconsistency.

Comments

[novel_machinist]

pain levels absolutely 1000000% compound depression issues. My mom's doc (and my new doc) have gone over this kind of thing pretty extensively. The problem actually is that your baseline is actually "I hurt really bad". When that baseline dips to "not in a lot of pain" you get super productive YAY. When the pain comes back to your "normal" it drags you down without you realizing it. The only time you really understand and realize it is when, you know, it flares up.

And sadly, with your work schedule it's not like you can just take a day off and lay on the floor.

[seventhe]

This is exactly it. My baseline is so messed up that it's hard to tell. "Good" pain day and "Bad" pain day aren't that much different bc there's still so much pain - but it looks like my brain sees them differently even if I can't feel a difference.

where is my week off