icon never more appropriate

[seventhe]

I am fighting a losing battle to make this entry about something other than work.

I had a tiny, tiny bit of a breather in October in which I realized I have forgotten what it's like to have hobbies. I consider hobbies something I'm actively involved in, even if it's minimal: things like sewing, knitting, writing, those are hobbies; watching Netflix, reading Tumblr, browsing Pinterest, those are not. (Gaming is an interesting crossover, because sometimes it actively involves me like a hobby and sometimes it tunes my brain out like a relaxing non-hobby - depends on the evening, my mood, and what I'm doing in the game.) I have - or I had - many things I considered hobbies: writing, knitting, and sewing being the ones I've been attempting to pick back up, but one can also toss in drawing, photography, blogging, house projects, even running and swimming in some lights.

I've forgotten how to have hobbies. I've lost the ability - the energy - to come home and relax via activity: my relaxing time comes strictly from inactivity, ie watching Criminal Minds reruns on Netflix, or lying on the floor. Part of this is the chronic pain, the exhaustion, the fibro fog -- when playing a video game feels like a chore, I'm pretty sure that's rock bottom. But part of it is just being so overwhelmed and overstimulated by my job that I don't have even 1% of battery left to engage in any kind of creative pursuit.

The realization came, as they do, right on the back of a mental epiphany for the future universe I have planned in which I write a series of horribly trash novels about lesbian werewolves in space. I was driving home from the seminar I gave at OU and my brain just randomly decided to figure out how the magic works in the universe, which was the push I needed to sit down at my desktop for something other than Dragon Age.

It was a very confusing feeling. I have the memory of wanting to write, of having an idea, of sitting down and generating notes and plot outlines and sometimes just spilling words, sentences, strings of thoughts and ideas filling up the screen (in abundance, sometimes, because let's face it, I can be the tl;dr of abundant wordcount) --but I had forgotten how to - saying "how to write" isn't exactly it, because sentences and ideas were still coming to mind. I had forgotten how to reach the mindset of "hobby".

I've since then been trying to reclaim it, in the interest of the genderqueer vampires who want to fly spaceships, but it's a slow process. The weirdest bit has been realizing I lost it in the first place.

When you forget how to have a hobby, I think that's a pretty good sign you need to reevaluate your life choices.

Comments

[goldmare]

I used to have hobbies that were productive. When I was a teenager I built a 7-foot tall, solid-as-fuck trellis to arch over the cement steps leading down to the basement of our house. That thing is still standing. Every time I go home and see it, I think "how did I ever create something like that?"

Yeah it's hard to start putting your energy into stuff like that again, if it's been a while. But it sure would be nice.

[novel_machinist]

Yeah, I have so much I -want- to do and it's like. *Sit down* I wanna do a thing.... *internet till bed*

<3 Good luck with your space drama!

[whitemage]

That's been the most frustrating thing with my health this past year is like I can find the can to do work and school and take care of my kid but then I go to actually do something fun for myself and it's like "... Well, or we could lay on the couch and watch B horror movies on Netflix."

Cause I hit that point where all I can think about is "HURT" and it's not that Netflix takes the hurt away or my mind off it, but it's there, idk.

[albijuli]

Gotdamn I'm going through something similar.

Past two months has just been a work fog and I've had little energy to do anything else.

I just... ugh. Co-sign. Sympathy via light physical contact.

[stealth_noodle]

I'm not quite this bad yet, but I keep thinking about all the things I want to do and make, and then I'm so wrung out in the evening that more often than not it turns into "NOPE SOFA." Being creative used to feel a lot more effortless, once upon a time.

I am rooting for the lesbian werewolves! May they blast off into the stars.

[sathari]

Joining the chorus of "has forgotten how to hobby" and I don't even have chronic pain issues. Like, until a couple of days ago I hadn't really actually gamed in something like months.

And in particular? I totally could have written this: ...when playing a video game feels like a chore, I'm pretty sure that's rock bottom. But part of it is just being so overwhelmed and overstimulated by my job that I don't have even 1% of battery left to engage in any kind of creative pursuit. So, offering empathy and comfort beverages of your choice. *raises a glass*

[lassarina]

Oh my god genderqueer vampires in spaceships yes please can I have do want.

*cuddles you comfortingly*

ETA: I am also doing this a lot; when I realize how little I read dreamwidth and how i don't have the energy for any social networks beyond infrequent DW and consistent plurk it's like what the fuck. But then again there was the entirety of 2014.