(no subject)

[seventhe]

So today I am experiencing an incredibly down evening and sitting here wondering how people ever find the time to like, have friends and do helpful friend things

It's very hard to be me today because I'm wondering why I can never get anything done, why I collapse after work with such pain and fatigue that I can barely move, what's so much harder abut my job or my health that I can't do the shit other people can, apparently I am having a huge confidence crisis where I think I'm just a weakling who can't do the shit she should be able to do; I'm not disabled, I'm not ill, my jobs not that hard, I just kind of suck

Weeks ago a friend asked me to review his resume. It's still in my inbox. My mum asked me to read her novel and make comments. Halfway done. Another friend asked me to read her novel and make comments. Haven't started. Today a friend asked me to review their resume within a day or two.

How do people find the energy to be actual friends



I'm deleting this entire entry

Comments

[alatefeline]

Before you do: you aren't the only one who has no energy. Work costs a lot, health work (including mental health work) costs a lot, and the energy for that shit comes from somewhere. It's not you who has a problem if you are tired, it's the fucking society that thinks horrible work hours, toxic expectations, and externalizing all the costs of making accomodations work onto the people who are already dealing with their own crap are reasonable bullshit to do.

You are not alone.

[lassarina]

Just gonna co-sign this entire comment right here.

And add that your job, in particular, would drain the fuck out of someone who DIDN'T have your physical/mental health work needs.

I'm incredibly impressed that you haven't entirely given up.

[owlmoose]

Agree, agree, agree.

[seventhe]

It's a good truth and a good point -- and maybe other people do go home exhausted; let's face it, it's something as a society we don't talk about, because who wants to admit weaknesses

[alatefeline]

Ayup.

But weakness connects us. Love is a weakness - and a strength. Caring about something is a chink in one's armor, and the only way to grow past one's blocks. And admitting that it hurts to care so much and try so hard and then be so tired and sad is hard, but it also opens the door to mindful changes and self-compassion and compassion for others, who are also freaking exhausted.

I'm tired. You're tired. We're mostly all tired, because this shit is hard.

[albijuli]

THIS.

I only work some almost-40-hour warehouse job that I can do on autopilot at this point, and I'm asking the same damn questions as you, Sev.

[alatefeline]

Yeah...sigh...*offers virtual cup of soothing beverage of your choice*

[albijuli]

Thanks! It's greatly appreciated.

[alatefeline]

:)

[sarasa_cat]

Yes, what alatefeline said.

[whitemage]

I don't know, how do they????

Black magic, clearly.

Blood sacrifice, they need to share their secrets with us.

This feeling you are having, it sucks to have it.

[finch]

Frankly I'm a better friend when I'm able to tell people no because then I feel slightly less guilty than I do when I say yes and then discover I don't have the time to do it.

[p_cocincinus]

Cosigned. Good boundaries make better friendships. Also acknowledging to myself that I am in a time of my life where I don't have extra time or energy for other people and I keep my commitments as minimal as possible. If it isn't fun for me, the answer is always no.

[ser_pounce_alot]

dude i deal with like 6000 times LESS things than you do and i still come home from work and can barely manage to drag my carcass to the couch to turn on netflix and generally just drink heavily because it's like the only activity that i seem to be able to engage in. i don't know how you do what you do, because i would be able to do like 1/4 of what you do lol

so, if you want to look at it this way, you are 4x more productive than me, yet deal with 16x more issues, and i am 400x more of a blob

[seventhe]

A+ use of maths in answer, your nickname this November will evolve from Tubby --> Blobby

I am at least glad someone else has adopted the Netflix&wine method of coping - it's all I can manage some nights.

[ser_pounce_alot]

BLOBBY SHUT UP THAT'S AMAZING I LOVE IT

science will prove in the future that netflix + wine is how i successfully avoided murdering people for years

[shanaqui]

♥

you can ignore advice if you wish.

[novel_machinist]

I know you know this, but I want to affirm it's okay to say "no". Or "You know, I want to help you, but I don't have time right now, I promise to get to it as soon as I'm done with X"

It doesn't mean you're not a friend. It means you have limits and boundaries and if those can't be respected by people then THEY are not being good friends to you.

It's also okay to ask for help. If you've got the energy for it Wife and I can come take care of the cleaning and stuff for you, at least catch you up. You don't have to entertain us, we're fine playing on the internet or playing handheld games or bringing a system up so you can fail as miserably as we do at being alive in First Person games.

Re: you can ignore advice if you wish.

[seventhe]

Our weekends are usually pretty low-energy-cost funtimes -- I have a bunch of wedding interrupting my weekends but we should find a nice chill period soon.