hmmm

[seventhe]

Sometimes I just feel like I'm missing my twenties. I feel like I'm going to spend this entire decade working my 40-hr week, going to grad school, working out, and sleeping. That's it. By the time I get this degree - by the time I'm actually in shape - I'll be too old to enjoy it, too old to go out and have the fun I'm missing.

I go to class and then have to work late and then go to the gym because god forbid I skip and then I come home at 9:00 and it's no wonder I don't have the energy to do anything else. I can barely put food in the damn microwave.

I don't hate my job, and I don't hate my life. I do hate grad school, but I'm going to have to live with it - I made that bed and now I'll just have to lie in it for the next 3-5 years. >.> It makes me wonder if back in 2005 when they said hey, your dad might die and I made a deliberate choice for stability and responsibility - do I ever get a chance to choose again? or is that it?

I just really, basically, mostly - I feel old. I'm tired of feeling old. And being responsible.

Mostly I'm just tired.

I posted this on February 7th, 2008. Preceding it - and following it - are what accounts to 4 years of bitching about graduate school.

Perversely, this actually finally makes me a tiny bit proud for sticking with this crap to the end. Even though I should just be ashamed that I've seen this bullshit this far down the road.