hmmm

[seventhe]

Sometimes I just feel like I'm missing my twenties. I feel like I'm going to spend this entire decade working my 40-hr week, going to grad school, working out, and sleeping. That's it. By the time I get this degree - by the time I'm actually in shape - I'll be too old to enjoy it, too old to go out and have the fun I'm missing.

I go to class and then have to work late and then go to the gym because god forbid I skip and then I come home at 9:00 and it's no wonder I don't have the energy to do anything else. I can barely put food in the damn microwave.

I don't hate my job, and I don't hate my life. I do hate grad school, but I'm going to have to live with it - I made that bed and now I'll just have to lie in it for the next 3-5 years. >.> It makes me wonder if back in 2005 when they said hey, your dad might die and I made a deliberate choice for stability and responsibility - do I ever get a chance to choose again? or is that it?

I just really, basically, mostly - I feel old. I'm tired of feeling old. And being responsible.

Mostly I'm just tired.

I posted this on February 7th, 2008. Preceding it - and following it - are what accounts to 4 years of bitching about graduate school.

Perversely, this actually finally makes me a tiny bit proud for sticking with this crap to the end. Even though I should just be ashamed that I've seen this bullshit this far down the road.

Comments

[owlmoose]

I am here from the other side, and I promise you this: life does not end at 30.

I also spent my 20s being boring and responsible -- working crap jobs, getting my masters, mostly not having the time or resources to live the life I really wanted. In comparison, the 30s have been good to me. There have been some tough times, and some tough years (we will not discuss, right now, the never-ending pile of suck that was 2009), but overall I'm enjoying myself. Being an adult is so much better than being a kid. The Cult of Youth is a lie. At least, it has been for me.

And yes: You should be proud. You chose a difficult path and you're seeing it through to the end. What is not to be proud of in that? Congrats on having the end in sight -- and it is, even if it doesn't feel like it now. I know that, at the least, I am proud of and excited for you.

/dorky pep talk

[novel_machinist]

Still. So. Proud. Of. You.

[zen_monk]

I think that what you do is very admirable. When I look at your schedule, I can't help but feel tuckered out in sympathy towards you, because not many people can keep this up for long. And to think that you still did this same dance for three years made me feel that I should put my hands together and applaud at your effort.

It also made me feel like I'm even more of a lazy slob than usual.

[lassarina]

I am stunningly proud of you.

I am still having that feeling that oh Jesus my life has passed me by, I'm almost 30 and have done none of the stupid ass things you are "supposed" to do in your 20s like go on random wild vacations (I can't afford them) and am still climbing out from under the pile of debt.

But you have stuck with it and JUST LOOK HOW BADASS YOU ARE.

[yi-sen.livejournal.com]

1. There is always time to do crazy irresponsible stuff. (i.e. I'll be in Vegas in 13 days)

2. I am CRAZY PROUD of you for sticking with things and taking the tough path. Those who dare, fucking win and also get Lambic parties in their honor. Just sayin'.

3. What would you have done differently that you won't be able to do ever again? And where would that have left you? With the same opportunities? Doubt it. You're making your own awesome path.

[first-seventhe.livejournal.com]

I love you fantastically. :)

It is odd that seeing just how much I've learned and perservered makes me more proud.

Also: LAMBIC AND CHERRY BLOSSOMS FOREVER.

[yi-sen.livejournal.com]

I love you too. Wouldn't be so damn proud of you if I didn't care.

It's not odd at all. Most people are not capable of doing what you've been doing, and even fewer people are capable of doing it with as much grace and awesomeness as you. That's worth a good sense of pride.

FUCK YES, LAMBIC IN NALGENE BOTTLES WHILE PICNICKING UNDER THE CHERRY BLOSSOMS.

[jennyclarinet.livejournal.com]

What would you have done more of if you hadn't done this degree? If the answer is partying (I'm not saying it is), then I think the degree was a better choice. Somehow I don't think you'll regret having done this once it's truly over. But it seems to me you've been able to do a lot in spite of the degree- you've traveled, done races, made beer, hosted parties, played in a band, been a kitty mamma, and other than this semester, you've been able to see friends regularly. What else would you have done?

Although, I still want to take that imaginary trip to the UK. Maybe when we're in our sixties. :)

[salarta.livejournal.com]

Why should you be ashamed? I don't see any cause for that. I do understand the reason to be proud, because you put up with so much of this crap and now you're finally finishing it up.

I remember that LJ entry, too. Have I really known you since 2008? I feel like the year is too far back, but it doesn't change that I remember that exact same post. I guess I stumbled into your F-list around when FF4DS was coming out, so I guess it makes sense.

I also just realized nobody in the group I knew when I was writing FF4 fics writes them anymore either. You're busy with grad school and work for the moment, Jamie does Arashi, Katy does whatever she's doing nowadays, and I'm doing all sorts of different things that are NC-17 content.

[safety-caesars.livejournal.com]

WELL. I DON'T KNOW IF THE FIRST SENTENCE FROM YOUR 2008 POST IS STILL AT ALL TRUE, BUT IF SO (AND REGARDLESS), PLZ DO THE FOLLOWING:

1) CLICK HEREUPON
2) ENTER THE PASSWORD, "YUMYUM" (YES, IN ALL CAPS)
3) KNOW THAT WHEN WE'RE IN OUR 50'S WE'LL STILL BE PUTTING ON DUMBASS COSTUMES AND GETTING DRUNK AS FUCK, JUST LIKE THEM. 20'S AIN'T SHIT.

AND YEAH YOU SHOULD BE PROUD, THAT EMAIL SHOULD'VE MADE THE DEPARTMENT'S COLLECTIVE BALLS SHRIVEL UP IN SHAME AND SORROW