the trick is to keep breathing

I've been awake since 2:30am.

It's really seriously disconcerting to walk into work having been awake for >4 hours prior. It feels very strange, like I'm coming in on a day off, even though it's my usual schedule. I imagine it will feel even stranger this afternoon.

The thing about insomnia for me isn't that it happens - I've more or less come to terms with the fact that I'm shit at sleep and I've figured out ways to deal with it, like sleeping in on weekends and taking naps whenever I can. I don't like it, but I can deal with it - I can manage. I can make my life work around that.

The thing about insomnia that I really hate is how it strikes at exactly the time in your life that you really need your sleep the most.

I'm exhausted - physically, emotionally, interpersonally - and I'm being pulled in 20 different directions right now. I'm going to the plant next week, which I can't avoid; I'm training my minion, who will be worse than useless to me until he is trained; I'm coordinating a million other things that won't move without my attention; I've got a lot on my mind outside of work (I'm waiting for the phone call today to know whether or not I am going to talk about it); my back/neck/shoulders herniated disc old friend is killing me. What I need most right now is sleep. Which, of course, means this is the perfect time for insomnia to hit.

My poor stupid body.

Sooooo I guess I'll mainline some coffee and try to hit today running. After 3 hours of lying in bed staring and reading and trying not to think.


(on an unrelated side note: I've decided to call this minion Rubicante, because salarta suggested my professional goal should be to become Lady Golbez. I like this plan. I thought about naming him Scarmiglione since he's the first one, but he's a permanent hire, and I hope he'll be a little more effective than Milon was. Thus, Rubicante. If/When I get a co-op, that one can be Scarmiglione.)

Well, February ended nicely (excellent weekend at Chez lassarina), but I'm hoping the "In like a lion" phrasing applies, because March started off a bit of a whirlwind and I'm hoping there's a little "out like a lamb" in my future.

First: couldn't sleep last night, which was awesome. Not sure what undid me; the 3:00pm coffee in the airport (unusual, as I drink coffee all through my until-6-pm workday), or the general OCD of my brain, or maybe IDK my BFF insomnia again. Kittens were adorable and got the sleep I didn't, at least.

Second: work projects exploding (not literally (this time!)) everywhere. I love workplace wank, but I'm not dumb enough to talk about it unlocked; let's just say today has been interesting. Straaaange things are going on and it is strange and intriguing yet frustrating. Also I think my March is going to suck balls in relation to the sheer number of pounds of polymer I'm personally responsible for. My Marches always seem to suck this way. I don't understand. Ugh ugh ugh. WAH WAH HAS TO WORK FOR LIVING.

Third: Feeling general ridiculous urge to spend moneys. Rina and Kas hath convinced me to get a PSP, but I also want a laptop. Also I saw Dragon Age this weekend and I waaaaaaant. WTF self. Because I need to spend more money on video games I don't have time to play?

Fourth: Today has been such a clusterfuck and I'm really behind on writing. >.> astrangerenters don't kill me; your fic just turned long last week and I'm hoping you'd rather have a long funny story full of snarky shenanigans than something quick (it is like 10 smallish parts) because that is what has happened to it. My writing to-do list is getting longer by the moment though and I'm almost eagerly awaiting the "HOFUCK Panic Party" I have to have this week/weekend to get certain things completed.

Fifth: I got nothin'.