the trick is to keep breathing

So it's shutdown week at work. This means the steam's down, and they turn everything off for once-a-year maintenance and upkeep and fixing. It means it's a pretty boring week, so usually I try to schedule some doctor's appointments and stuff.

I went in for an eye exam today, and to get evaluated for corrective laser surgery. For those of you who may not be aware, I toe the line of legally blind (ie, non-correctable (not actively blind)). I needed to get my glasses looked at anyway, but I have been thinking about the laser surgery for years. My script is -11. Even if all they can do is cut it in half, down to a -6, that makes my life a lot easier: less expensive lenses, opens up more lines of contacts I can try for added comfort, has the possibility of being 100% correctable rather than the 80-90% I'm getting right now. (There is only one line of contacts that offers lenses in my correct -11 prescription and at my level of astigmatism. Only one.)

The first thing the doctor told me is that - how ironic! - my eyesight is actually too bad for a standard LASIK clinic. That's right, my eyes are so bad a clinic won't accept me - I'm past their cutoff point. Ironic bitter laughter goes here.

There are individual doctors who can make the yes/no call on nonstandard patients, though - and my eye doctor (Dr F) said there was only one in the area who would take someone like me, but that he was one of the top 5 laser eye surgeons in the eastern US, and he'd done over 37,000 surgeries in his career. Dr D. So there was potential enough there to go through the evaluation, so we did.

And it turns out that - probably because my eyesight is such crap - my corneas are just barely thick enough for the least recommended thickness level of LASIK. As in, they're like 425 [units] thick and the requirement is 415. There is not a lot of leeway there. Dr F said that while sometimes Dr D will still be able to work on patients who are that close, it would be entirely Dr D's call, and it was a very narrow comfort zone.

What I am eligible for, however, is PRK surgery.

[potential TW: eye grossness?]

LASIK shapes your cornea by lifting the upper layers and peeling them back, and then reshaping the layers underneath and laying the cornea 'flap' over it. PRK is more like a grinding and shaving of the upper layers, and then the use of a reconstructive contact lens bandage as the very top layer grows back.

[/grossness I think]

From what I have (very very incompletely) found from research so far, PRK actually has a lower complication(/fuckup) rate because it isn't as invasive into your eye. However, it has a MUCH LONGER RECOVERY TIME than LASIK. With LASIK, you can walk in, zap zap, maybe a day or two and you're good. With PRK, you literally and legally cannot drive your car or go to your job for 7-10 days afterwards. You may be in large amounts of pain, on Vicodin. It takes a few days for your eyes to grow back into their new shape, so your vision may not hit even 20/40 for up to 2 weeks. It's a much bigger deal.

I have an evaluation with Dr D on 23 August, so that he can look at my situation *hand gesture* here and make his professional decision as to what to recommend: traditional LASIK, PRK, or "You do not want to do either of these with those eyes." I am open to hearing any of them.

But it's hard to get a surgery time because Dr D is so good. And there's an opening on 26 August. That the secretary at Dr F's office had them tentatively pencil me in for, pending Dr D's evaluation.

So I've got a chance here, if I'm approved, to jump on something that could really improve the quality of my life. I am also holyfuck terrified of this surgery. I am ALSO thinking that maybe this is NOT A GREAT TIME IN MY LIFE TO HAVE A SURGERY THAT COULD LAY ME OUT FOR UP TO A MONTH WITH ALL OF THE CRAPS I HAVE GOING ON - but I'd have Becky AND my local friends to help me through it, too, and when WOULD there be a 'good time', really?

So, yeah, there's that.