something i said in an email today that i'll open for discussion

[seventhe]

There have been few things in my life I've wanted to badly I've had to strive for them. I'm not talking working and working hard -- life is WORK, it is HARD, and it is HARD WORK if you want to just have bits of freedom to be and do what you want. I've worked hard for the things I have and the place that I am, and I realize that, and I'm proud of it; and I realize my work has paid back. I'm not talking about that, because I won't say I necessarily hand-picked my destination with my own heart, just that I worked my ass to get there (somewhere): I'm talking about dreams.

I'm talking about goals, lofty or significant or whatever; paths you want to walk down, things your heart is targeting that are worth fighting against the strong current pulling you elsewhere. I'm talking about wanting a thing so badly it tastes like metal and alcohol in your mouth.

I don't have a lot of those type of experiences. I'm not sure whether this makes me lucky (because it means I already have the things I want) or pathetic (because I have no dreams or desires worth taking risks for).

Tell me your thoughts.

- - -

On a happier note, someone said a happy-making and very awesome email to me today, and it made my day. :) ♥

Comments

[crankyoldman]

I think dreams change with maturity.

I personally think people are idiotic if they have those "be famous" type of dreams. Really, I do. It makes me a dick, but seriously, it strikes me as so juvenile. Like wanting to be the most popular kid in the lunchroom equivalent. And famous people a lot of times have extremely immature attitudes; being famous requires no skill, just a good combination of looking good (or unique) and having catchy phrases.

Everyone tells you to dream big, but I think it's a detriment. I hate to refer Fight Club but in the middle of all the nihilism and crazy there are some excellent points. One of those is that people are taught they're going to be movie stars so they'll buy shit and end up working dull meaningless jobs to pay for it. And it really struck a nerve.

Successful people are never dreamers; they're visionaries.

Being a visionary can almost trick you into thinking it's a dream. But being visionary means that you are still seeing reality; you're just imposing your will upon it. Which is a pretty damn powerful thing. Dreaming is silly in comparison. I can dream I'm the king of the world, but I really can't envision it.

That's why you've never had that experience; you have visionary characteristics, but you're not a dreamer. It's part of the reason we get along. Moony dreamer sorts and I butt heads like CRAZY. For all the time they sit around and dream I spent actually, well, doing something.

Not to say there isn't a place for dreamers. We need them if only to have art and fiction and things that have no practical value but all the value for our souls. Which sounds touchy feely, but it's true. I'm not saying dreaming is bad. But I certainly wouldn't risk everything I've worked for on a dream.

I think I may be a risk taker deep down (with mixed results, ha) but some people aren't and that's ok.

So, tl;dr, you're not lucky or pathetic, you're visionary more than dreamy and that means you don't always get an emotional response from things. Or something like that.

Fuck I should sleep.

[crankyoldman]

Oh and one more thing; some people that dream big are also using it to hide desperation sometimes, I've noticed. Whole other can of worms.

[whitemage]

Kinda second all that....

[seventhe]

...also very true. wanting a dream badly is one thing; ignoring the rest of your life/situation is another.

[crankyoldman]

XD And I see that a lot, which is ridiculous.

[seventhe]

you are still seeing reality; you're just imposing your will upon it

This I also like. I guess maybe that's more where I am. I wanted to be a writer or a photographer, but I decided to be an engineer because I enjoyed it "well enough" (obviously now I love it but let's face it, kids don't dream about mucking through dirty reactors like I am today) and it could make a lot of other things (dreams?) happen for me as well.

[crankyoldman]

Well I wanted to be a doctor when I was five, and then an astronaut and then an engineer by the time I was 8. I didn't know what engineer even meant, just that my dad approved and used the word a lot. I had to impose my will upon my actual reality to make it actually work. I've had dreams of being a professor and dreams of being a politician (which if I were a man this would probably have been closer to reality... and yes, I did say "if I were a man") but they're just dreams. I don't hate my life at all. I rather like it. Even now when things seem so very very transitional.

Maybe what I do isn't sexy, but I think I'm better off and still have a lot of fun.

[whitemage]

I will also say that most of the time I have tasted blood and alcohol in my mouth, it is because:

1. I injured myself.
2. I was drinking
3. (most likely) I injured myself while drinking.

Needless to say, I don't drink often anymore.

I dunno. I've had things that at the time I wanted SO BADLY and it was THE ONLY THING IN THE WORLD FOR ME and either I worked and got it... and didn't like it, ARGH!, or I just kept bricking up against waves and steel walls and all manner of the word, "No!" and... fizzled. And found a new goal/dream/vision/thing.

And, there is no such thing as "no risk" or a safe road. So speaks the woman that married her high school sweetheart that she's known since she was 12. Human beings are dynamic creatures and life is a dynamic organism and it MOVES. Which is cool. And terrifying.

That said, I'm glad you're proud of the hard work you've done and the things you've accomplished: you should be. =)

[seventhe]

Human beings are dynamic creatures and life is a dynamic organism and it MOVES.

I love everything about this entire phrase

DO NOT WANT

[uiscebeatharua.blogspot.com]

Is not the absence of many worldly desires a sign of wisdom? Zen-ish? :-)

Re: DO NOT WANT

[seventhe]

Perhaps, but it might also mean I'm boring. ;)

Re: DO NOT WANT

[seventhe]

or I could say fuck it and go to Fiji

Re: DO NOT WANT

[uiscebeatharua.blogspot.com]

now THAT sounds like a plan!

Re: DO NOT WANT

[seventhe]

got the music?

Re: DO NOT WANT

[temples]

That is a philosophy I can get behind.

Re: DO NOT WANT

[seventhe]

It was your idea! <3

[lassarina]

Because I like it, I share this quote from (of all things) an Irish rap song: "Stop dreaming/people who say that are blaspheming/they're doing 9 to 5 and moaning/and they don't want you succeeding when they've blown it."

Which is not the same as saying that dreams have to be big damn scary things that take over your entire life, or that they have to pull until you have to give everything over to them.

Little dreams--someone to love, a place to call your own, the security of a friend--are just as crucial as the Big Terrifying Ones. It's not always a matter of the huge risk. I mean, I call myself a dreamer--and I do have dreams, oh yes--but I don't have any that pull me away from living my life to accomplish them. I mean sure I could quit my job and become the next Great American Novelist--or at the very least I could try--but to me the risk and the fear and the uncertainty aren't worth the minuscule chance I would succeed. I prefer to throw the weight of my prayer and effort behind bets I have a half a snowball's chance in summertime Aruba of winning.

I think our country has created this larger-than-life expectation - to be the movie star, to be the Tiger Woods, to be that one in a million. And I would never say that you shouldn't strive, but you need to strive knowing that your goal may not be reachable, and you need to be okay with that.

Two quotes:

"A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?"

and

"It is better to aim for the stars and miss, than aim for a pile of dog shit and hit."

:)

[katmillia.livejournal.com]

It took me 25 years to get to the point I am at now- I had to go through losing my salaried position, sucking it up and going on unemployment, and taking a job that I am FAR too educated for, FAR too smart for, and FAR too worth taking just to put myself in the position I am in now: which is that MAYBE I will get into a grad school program and have a chance to do what I want with my life.

UGH. LoL. I just hope this whole stupid, annoying, HORRIBLE year and a half pans out for me in the end. ♥

[drakonlily.livejournal.com]

You are amazing. And I really admire you a lot, dude. Know that.

[jennyclarinet.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about what you wrote here for a while. Being that I'm preparing for yet another audition, I'm definitely in the mindset of wanting something and having to work for it.

In my experience, I've always had success when I simply knew that something was the right thing for me to do. For example, at the end of tenth grade, I just knew that I should be a field commander for the high school marching band. So I got my shy self up there in front of my peers, went for it and got it. The same is true of my choosing to major in music in college.

On the other hand, as I get older and experience more rejection, I find it harder to dream big dreams, which is a sad thing. Case in point, these damn auditions. If I have to be honest with myself, the reason I haven't won one yet is because I have never worked as hard as I needed to to win one. This is certainly the case for my audition that's coming up in three weeks. I guess I'm hoping I'll get lucky...or maybe it's just not the right path for me? Who knows...I think there are people who approach goals and dreams from the point of view that you can achieve anything you set your mind to. Then there are those like me, who are more of the opinion that life takes you where you're meant to go, and that along the way you keep on doing the prepatory work.

That's my two cents!

[shanaqui]

For me, the first experience with it was really getting into Cardiff University. That was... I didn't realise how much I wanted it, how much I needed it for the sake of my own self-esteem, until the lady on the other end of the phone said, "Sorry, we don't have your name here, you are not being given a place."

So then for two days I fought to get a place, you know? I mean, Mum helped, but for the first time I actually got some goddamn balls and started asking for things for myself. I rang up some people I was scared shitless about talking to and I argued with them until they agreed to let me in to university. Looking back now, I can hardly believe I did it, but I did and it paid off and look I'm here. I don't think I mention enough how fucking much I love my course and my lecturers and my life here. It's the first thing I ever really fought for, for myself.

I'd like that feeling to come round again. I mean, there's an echo of it every time I'm about to take an exam or turn in an essay, but I don't have to fight so much anymore. But I think it'll be there when I want/need it -- none of my other dreams are right there within reach right now.

I don't get it a lot either. I think it's not because I don't have dreams, but because it's not time to fight for them yet.

[rosencrantz.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I'm the type of person who's always had most of my goals and dreams fall into my lap without me realizing that most people have to have worked hard to get them. I say this candidly because I know I have blessed karma when it comes to Things I Want.

The very first thing I can remember wanting was to play the violin. I had to fight my parents on that but I got it. I threw it away when they found out I was actually quite good at it and tried to make it a mandatory activity. I still kick myself today for having given up over what was a petty squabble with my parents.

The next thing I can remember wanting badly was to visit Thailand. That might sound weird, but I dreamed about visiting Thailand the way some people who have never had the chance to travel out of their hometown dream of going to Paris at least once in their life. I kept bugging my parents about it and one summer, they caved. I still remember it as the absolute best vacation of my entire life, mostly because of the Buddhist temples we visited. Today I understand what luck it was that I didn't have to work for that dream, but back then I took for granted that every kid would get what they wanted if they asked their parents.

I can remember wanting badly to become a nun. Stop laughing, it's true. That was a decision fully supported by my father and fully contested by my mother, and in the end, it's also how I learned that some dreams, while reachable, have too high a price to pay. In the end my up-till-then-unwavering Christian faith broke over losing that fight. But it's not a thing I regret, looking back at it, even though it was a Major Life Changing Moment(tm).

After that, my best friend died. I don't consider myself much of a dreamer even today anymore. It's not that I would bring back anyone who has died- some important things in my life would not have happened if I did that. But even without "dreams" I have realized that there I things I *want* that I won't wait to get, thanks to the reality of death being imprinted rather early on me. One of those things was Chris, for example; it was never a dream of mine to get married or move to Europe. But it was a goal to spend my life with him, so I made marriage and moving to Germany happen despite stiff resistance.

Another non-dream that I've had for a while was to own a pet, and as you know from my tortured journal posts I did get my way in the end, but it's the only experience that harkens even a little bit to the passion you quote about *fighting* for something. But I think it's silly to call "owning a dog" a major life dream because... well, it doesn't seem to have the proper weight or importance to earn that term.

That would mean I've had only a handful of "dreams" I've actively pursued in my life, and I didn't achieve them all. On the other hand, I don't know whether all of the things I wanted are deserving of that term, because some, if not most of them, seem quite petty, and many of the ones I would truly term "dreams" I didn't fight for at all, or gave up on too easily.

I would say, terming something we want as a dream is a nice way to make us feel better about all the blood, sweat and pain we put in to achieving a certain goal. It gives it an importance and meaning that maybe your goal doesn't otherwise have. That doesn't make fighting for what you want any less important in my eyes, make no mistake - I just think, from the way my experiences have shaped me, that certain things really solidify into "dreams" only after you've suffered for them. Perhaps the pain of achieving something is a big part of what makes that something so valuable. It means being happy also means being a bit of a masochist, because you have to suffer to truly enjoy something, no matter what it is.

That got kind of rambly. And I think it might have been rather depressing rather than inspiring. Erm. But I guess the overall point is, I don't think it's a bad thing to suffer for what you want, and in fact is a necessary step in the process.

[darcenciel.livejournal.com]

I feel for whatever reason that I've always drifted through life clawing at the things that I want and never quite know if they are really the Things That I Want. Everything up until this year has been kind of muddled for me. I say this with some surprise because I know 2009 was really bad for a lot of people on my friends list, but for me, 2009 was the year where I came to a lot of realizations about what I wanted to do, who I was, and where I wanted to go. Obviously none of this is perfect, but it's something.