Sev and Drakon Take On Silent Hill: A Novelization

[seventhe]

Chapter One

The Turk team of Sev and Drakon cleared the stairway and somewhat shady hallway of all perps and zombies before descending upon the employee-only bathroom and peeing upon it.

I mean in it.

- - -

Chapter Two

"If Lady Gaga came at me wearing nothing but my husband the cake, *maybe* this day would be better."

Thwarted by the closed-until-7 bars that fill the skeevy Mansfield Hill, Sev and Drak move on, looking for a shady hotel and a Walmart with booze.

- - -

Chapter Three

SURPRISE! CEMETARY!!

- - -

Chapter Four

"Reno's currency isn't money. It's blowjobs."

We have been lost in the scary zombie countryside for 45 minutes.

- - -

Chapter Five

"Oh, shitbags."

We are still lost.

- - -

Chapter Six

"AAAAAAAAUGHHHH!!"

We just saw a ghost in a church.

- - -

Chapter Seven

"Clothes aren't important. What I need is my laptop."

Sev and Drak finally defeat the map. There is a van between us and beer. This is unacceptable. We are terrified by farmland. And loathe nature.

HOOOOOMMMMEEEEE!!!

- - -

Chapter Eight

"We'll shoot your ass. And then hump it."

We aren't at the hotel yet. Or the bar. Goldbug is still sitting at the gazebo.

PONIES

- - -

Chapter Nine

"It looks like we mght not get shot here."

Guy in a camo cowboy hat.

Back country hicks scare us.

We really need beer.

- - -

Chapter Ten

"This is the chapter of angst."

The hotel we were going to no longer has a Damons or a bar. >> We are very much not pleased. Moment of silence for the time we have wasted with no beer in our mouths.

- - -

Chapter Eleven

"VICTORY"

We've found a Holiday Inn with a bar.

Fuck all of Mansfield.

- - -

Chapter Twelve

"There's no reason to leave this place."

There is beer in my mouth as I write this.

- - -

Chapter Thirteen

[Chapter Thirteen consisted of a photo of Sev and Drak molesting a giant wine bottle.]

- - -

Chapter Fourteen

"No, the great white sharks jump out of the water like damn."

Beer is good. There's football on. I'm so very happy right now

- - -

Chapter Fifteen

"Rice, bullets, and batteries are worth more than your gold."

We have the best bartender ever.

- - -

Chapter Sixteen

"Do you like Kahlua?"

The heroines venture out to rescue Goldbug (and Sev's mini) from the pagoda and invade Walmart for pudding shots, pop guns, and a card for our bartender.

Our hotel is full of hot sorority girls in red dresses and black heels.

I know you are jealous.

I am so gay right now.

- - -

Chapter Seventeen

"I am so happy right now."

The ingredients for pudding shots have been obtained, along with foam swords, pop guns (for hunting zombies), and kettle corn.

Life is good.

- - -

Interlude: we are car dancing to I Know You Want Me.

- - -

Chapter Eighteen

"Are you sorority girls?"
"No, we're almost thirty."

We got the bartender to give us 1/4 cup of vanilla vodka bc walmart only had lower proof booze. I am currently walking to the hotel restaurant to steal a spoon. Pudding shots are being mixed as I speak.

- - -

Chapter Nineteen

"Let the boobies be free."

We are back at the bar. There were two beers waiting for us. This is the best night ever.

- - -

Chapter Twenty

Kas ships you/couch rather than you/me

[note from the editor: directed at the friend in question, due to a photo from our partying last weekend in which he looked good and I looked retarded and thus we zoomed in to cut my dumb face out of the photo which led to the shipping of man/couch]

- - -

Chapter Twenty-One

"But we walked through Silent Hill!"

This bar is no longer serving pizza. Boo. But they have beer, and theyrr giving us some kind of food.

We made out in the elevator.

- - -

Chapter The Last

"Good job proving you only get creepier, Mansfield."

As we leave the city, the haunting sound of church bells fills the fog-stricken (but now zombie-free) streets...





And that was how we spent Saturday. >.>

Comments

[drakonlily.livejournal.com]

We should also post pictures of Mansfield Hill

[first-seventhe.livejournal.com]

i meant to put them in but internet was ballsucking slow >.>

[astrangerenters.livejournal.com]

I am very approving of this post.

Pudding shot: Explain.

[first-seventhe.livejournal.com]

vanilla vodka, kahlua, milk, extra-creamy cool whip, one package of white chocolate pudding. chill and serve to anyone in the hotel who will take one off your hands

[perkyandproud.livejournal.com]

How much beer was harmed in the making of this? *grin*

Glad you ended up having lots of fun! Yay!

[first-seventhe.livejournal.com]

LOTS OF BEER WAS HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS POST, ALONG WITH MY LIVER

[safety-caesars.livejournal.com]

THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER

CAST IT IN GOLD

PUT IT ON DISPLAY

WORSHIP IT AS A GOD

[heybitchmove.livejournal.com]

I am going to make a movie about your life. This post will serve as the entirety of the script.

The magnitude of your bad-assery has surpassed all reason. Therefore, the role of Sev shall be played by the embodiment of Cid Highwind wrestling a bear. Ms. Drakon shall be portrayed by a wing-ed volcano. This could potentially make filming difficult (seeing as bears hate cameras), but we'll work around it.

I now present you with one internet. Props.

[first-seventhe.livejournal.com]

BEARS AND VOLCANOS: BEST MOVIE EVER, Y/HELL Y

[(Anonymous)]

:-) No way, no regrets. I enjoyed every chapter, 'nwas on the corner of my seat :-D