the trick is to keep breathing

alatefeline left me some prompts and i’ve Already told y’all the story of the fucking faucet so that will count a s my rant for plumbing. Let’s get this

And today instead of RANTING i’m Going to tell you a hilarious story about my brother and food coloring so buckle up chucklefucks

SOOOOOoooo backstory: my brother and I grew up reading a lot of Calvin & Hobbes cause my gramma and grandpa had a bunch of the (books? Collections?) things, and we’d read and re read them the way you do when you get bored at your grandparents’ house. Right

So one day we’re eating dinner and mum has made like, meatloaf and mashed potatoes i think? And shes serving everybody and out of nowhere my brother says, “Can you make my mashed potatoes green?”

Cue mum: “Wha” ????

My brother: “You know how in Calvin & Hobbes their dinner is always green mush on a plate. I want mine to look like green mush on a plate like Calvin & Hobbes.”

And so my mum says, “Well, we can add some food coloring if you want, but it’s going to look very gross. You have to promise you’re going to eat it.”

Bro: “Well duh, it’s still mashed potatoes, I just want them green”

So mum gets the food coloring and they proceed to dye my brother’s serving of mashed potatoes a terrible looking green and he’s loving it like the lil dork he is and dad and i are just kind of peanut gallery eating meatloaf in the background or something idk.

Dinner’s served. And after about two fucking bites, my brother says, “I don’t think I can eat this.”

Mum: “It’s still mashed potatoes. They’re just green. You literally asked for this”

Bro: “yeah but its gross”

Mum: “we literally just talked about this”

Bro: “yeah but its gross”

So yeah even after ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THEY WERE STILL FUCKING MASHED POTATOES, and ADDING THE FOOD COLORING HIMSELF, it turns out my bro couldn’t eat the green mush on a plate. We threw it out and he got new normal colored mashed potatoes and we laughed at him for, well, the rest of his life i guess

And the moral of this story is: green eggs and ham is a bad sell, but regular eggs and ham is delicious. NEXT