oh my god

[seventhe]

I have legit spent the last six hours of my life trying to beat ONE FUCKING BOSS in FFXIII.

Six hours, four tall alcoholic drinks, lots of leveling, and eight thousand strategies later, I have defeated the pope bride.

THE POPE BRIDE OF COCOON

IS A MASSIVE ASSHOLE

HE IS AN ENTIRE BAKER'S DOZEN OF DICKS

I HATE THIS GODDAMN GAME


For the record, the pope bride is the guy in charge of cocoon, and at the end of chapter 9 he morphs from the pope bride into a massive ass robot with one giant freaky robot face and four even more freaky upside down fences hanging from his face/body/something. His name is like Barthandreusiamamassiveasshole or something, and the fact that I have spent six hours fighting this motherfucker and I am still not even sure of his name should tell you something about how was to understand FFXIII is and how much I think of it

The strategy online that says you can protect yourself from Destrudo is a massive asshole liar, though, because Sentinel never takes on him and even if it did Lightning still dies every fucking time. Yes, i was totally leveled in the crystarium as far as i could get. The key is Rav/Rav/Rav and get his chain up almost to 200%, because if you do that his asshole One Hit Wonder decreases in power and you actually live. FANCY THAT. Thank you, other online guide. Thank you, Taurus stubbornness.

I did it with Light/Sazh/Hope, because I could have Haste that way along with all Sazh/Hope's other buffs, plus Rav/Rav/Rav and Com/Rav/Rav for ramping up that chain and thus surviving, plus Syn/Med/Med for OH FUCK ME times afterwards. I LIKE SAZH OKAY. I KNOW NO ONE ELSE DOES

I fucking hate this game. I hate that I just spent six hours on that fucking thing. OH MY GOD WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO THAT TO ANYONE EVER



it's okay world, I beat the boss. and now I will sleep.

Comments

[thene]

It really does feel like these people are just thrown together out of shared circumstances when probably in every other deal they'd rather leave each other alone. There's not much cohesive group forming or interaction or banter that would make me feel they're real friends.

This is why I loved it. FFXIII felt to me like an awesome deconstruction of the standard RPG 'these bold young heroes meet and become insta-BFFs and go on a quest together!' setup. They're a bunch of people who don't like each other much and who have no idea what their quest is. I appreciate that a lot, and in general the characters (most obviously Snow, Hope and Vanille) provide further subversions of type. When they did finally start getting friendly it felt like they'd earned it, and I got more out of that than I do from the 'suddenly friends' thing in most RPGs.